Wanting to get messed up

I told myself I could drink normally after about a year of sobriety. I was wrong. Not only did I pick up where I left off, I quickly got worse! Cost me my marriage, house, job, and kids to some extent.

Much rather stay sober.

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I understand the temptation. I’m at 202 days sober and sometimes I get the urge to get shitfaced. Instead I keep focused on how much better my life is, and my health is, without the alcohol.

Keep focused on the positive aspects of not drinking/using.

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I relapsed after 5 years. After i took the drink, i was like “ok, this is just a blip, i wont do it again” unfortunately our dosease does not work that way! I cant beleive after 5 years of sobriety, i forgot that alcoholism is a disease in which i cannot control my drinking, after 1, its over. And yes, i went off the rails. My life went from peak success to shambles within 20 days. If youre here that means you do have this disease, and it is a lethal one. Maybe binge watch some netflix, eat some comfort food. Or go for a walk, go to a meeting. Go to a movie. Hang out with some sober friends. Pray to stay sober. Good luck, friend.

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Yeah, but U know better from past experience - we all do. If you need to hear it from someone else, I have told myself that same thing 20+ times this year…the path leads to the same place, the place where you are now, after a reset and a period of time sober, thinking you can handle it again. You couldn’t handle it last time, that’s why you came to the forum, and you couldn’t handle it all of the times before that…none of us could, that’s why we land here. If you could moderate, you wouldn’t be posting right now…but I know you know that, it just helps to hear it from someone else on this journey once in a while. Best wishes, occupy your mind until the urges pass.

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I relapsed after several years sobriety thinking it would be different this time round, that i would be able to control it and it not control me. I couldn’t have been any more wrong. And as said in above posts, it pretty much picks up were you left off and downwards l slope is a hell of alot slippery. Im now going on 4 years trying to get my sobriety back. Don’t make the same mistake we all have. There is no cure for alcoholism, and it doesn’t go away. Our allergy to alcohol and or drugs always remains regardless of how long we’ve been away from it…

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Every person replying has been where you are now and the fact that they are all saying the same thing would make me think long and hard. I found this thread very helpful What I learned from being sober for a year (2017) and then drinking again the next (2018)

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I’ve been here countless times, but I always ramped back up to where I was before I quit. I’d quit for a while, convince myself I could moderate and not go back to where I was. I was able to drink a little w/o consequence, take a break for a week or so, drink a little more again, etc. All this only reenforced my belief that “Holy shit, I’m cured!”. Nope! Eventually, (not overnight) I made it right back to where I left off and worse. That lovely tolerance kept growing. I don’t know your story, but for me it’s too much of a gamble anymore, and I don’t want to risk any irreversible consequences from picking up again. It’s easier just not to drink IMHO. Think it over, play it out before you decide.

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Thanks, everyone for the posts! It’s just hard to accept that fact you have a problem that goes away or has a cure. The only solution is sobriety.

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Acceptance has been a big hurdle for me also. I’m not sure what you’ve tried in the past to help you but for me AA has been a literal lifesaver. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but maybe worth a shot.

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That’s the big thing. Acceptance. Accept that you have a problem that only complete sobriety will solve.
Good luck

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It’s hard but also true…I stopped drinking and smoking weed about at least a 100 times the past 20 years and then at least a 100 times I tought…I can moderate…but I CAN NOT. It’s day 4 sober for me now and working on accepting…and this is my second time on TS…now I’m gonna stay here because it really helps enormously to be around kind and helpfull people who know what it’s all about! :pray:
Last night a dreamt I lost my phone, the only thing I was worried about was that I couldn’t connect to you TS people :joy:

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Just dont. Its not worth it.

For me going to AA saved my life and gave me the tools to stay sober even when i was thinking that one woudnt hurt i lifted the phone to my sponsor or went to a meeting had made plenty of new sober friends who helped me through the rough times wish you well

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Man the mind is a tricky thing ! Im 8 months on the straight for the 3rd time and looking back I have convinced myself twice before at the 7 month mark that It was different. 2 weeks ago I stood in the kitchen rooted to the spot with my hands on my head unable to move coz inside half of me was saying " lets get loaded " and the other half was saying dont you dare you have come too far !! I burst out laughing in the end like a lunatic coz anything that makes you feel so torn and temporarily insane is NOT WORTH IT ! The bottom line is once I held on and came out the other side I felt stronger for it… like it was one more test set by the devil I had passed !! Hang in there and ride the storm even if it makes u frozen 2 the spot gripping your hair like a lunatic… Best of luck you got this :sunglasses::+1:

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Look at the words you used in the title. I know it is slang but do you really want to get “messed up”? Because that is what will happen. You came to this forum to unmess your life. No drug is worth it!!

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I had a good length of sobriety under my belt and thought I could drink “normal” haha! I kidded my self on that one, it was worse than before, not right away, as I monitored my drinking like a “normal” would LMAO, but soon enough the disease took control and I lost…don’t do it, I don’t want another day 1 again!!! I hope our comments have helped! You got this!

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How are you today @Spiderman616 ?

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Okay… I do well during the day. I stay busy, but mental health is a struggle as soon as I turn everything off. My depression comes roaring in. It makes it really hard not to treat it with drugs and alcohol. But I’m in a good environment that I have to make a conscious effort to go get messed up. Trying to make it to 90 days. Thank you for asking!! It really means a lot.

Does anyone else in there mid to late 20’s feel like they are still that 20-year-old kid. Especially with these problems. I feel like I am 25! I’m not supposed to feel like this. Weird feeling. Just hoping to relate with someone.

Would you consider meditation to try and calm your mind? This really helped me in the early days.

I still meditate frequently especially when I feel things are getting on top of me. If you search youtube there are lots of beginners guided meditations.

Drugs and alcohol will not help in my experience, they just make things worse and prolong the pain.

If depression is a serious challenge I would realky suggest speaking to your doctor.

Also just a suggestion, but would you perhaps try an AA meeting? You’ll find lots of people there who will understand and be able to help you.

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