I was all of the above. I was entering treatment and didn’t know what to expect. I was scared, worried, anxious, lonely, etc…
I spent 6 days straight (no sleep) just thinking (overthinking) about not drinking and what life was going to be like sober. I went into treatment to control my drinking and 28 days later, I left treatment and quit drinking. I have a completely different mindset. I am Meditating, going to meetings 3x a week, reading literature and self-care books, and walking more. I get asked all the time, why did I drink? It wasn’t to cope, it’s just that I liked to drink! It was a just because…I know now…that just because…could harm, hurt, damage, and killed me! I am living and loving this sober life…8 months and 12 days.
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Was i ever, i was terrified! Perfectly normal after youve used alcohol as a crutch for literally everything in life…awful feeling when the security blanket is gone but its only a temporary fix and the problems are always still there and usually made worse via that security blanket so you really only have 2 choices…to spend your life drunk with all that entails and the miserable price it demands or get sober, actually solve problems and have a chance at happiness, it is scary but we can all do it TOGETHER
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I think a lot of us can relate to the grief and fear of change. I recently read Push Off From Here by Laura McKowen and she writes quite a bit about this. You may find her book has some helpful parts for you as well, it did for me.
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Yes. This. I have found in my successful sober times, that being around people and just being social is so hard and exhausting. I tend to think differently, then overthink about how I think differently. Then overthink about how I am overthinking and maybe I am wrong about thinking what I think. And the cycle just goes on an on. Drinking made me not think so much, and it was so nice to not think so much, and suddenly the great chasm I perceive exists between me and my thoughts and other people is level. My interactions with others feel effortless and fun. I miss that. I still miss that. But I am very aware that ease and release is a lie, and a large percent of that mentality is just alcoholism talking, building that chasm so I feel like I have a reason to try to fill it with booze to feel “level.” I accept my usual coping mechanism is a problem. It’s a disease. I accept that I have to work hard for things and relationships that work. I accept that means I need better tools for when I feel exhausted and tapped out. I sleep. I sew. I watch Law and Order. I celebrate that I think differently and friendships that make all the divergent thinking feel more normal. Good things come from the effort. Nothing good comes from my easy way out.
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terrified of giving up MY BOOZE after 45 years of drinking. I was terrified of one day at a time, because I could not get my head out of the future. That’s when I can up with my sober mantra. “I’m not drinking today, and I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.”
And I stayed very active on here venting, supporting, writing gratitude lists, and checking out the fun threads too.
It’s scary giving up a best friend.
And it’s also the most freeing thing I’ve ever done in my life.
We got your back.
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If it helps, something else that was suggested to me was to put pen to paper. To write down the reasons I wanted and needed to stop. Everything drinking was costing me and had yet to take from me.
And also what I hoped to find in sobriety instead. What I really wanted out of life I just couldn’t do drunk.
It really brought into focus why I wanted sobriety. And any time I’m in doubt, I pull it out and read it. Remember what it is I’m after even if I forget!
Seeing in that way, it’s much less scary and a lot more, “Hell yes! Let’s do this!”
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Not an easy ride to start with, sweating, insomnia, feeling of dread, nothing to do, cannot concentrate etc.
It does pass, now I wake up feeling good a not wondering what stupid things I did the night before
I have also noted that a lot of my friends actually drank far less than I did and that my consumption was way above normal.
It did take a few years to realise this.
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You guys are amazing. I’m so touched at all the responses. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It helps my head and heart so much
Today is my dad’s 80th Birthday. He’s pretty spry for his age (he stays active and stopped drinking years ago). He told me that he was proud of me for committing to sobriety, and that it was a great gift to hear that from me in time for his Birthday. Damn…made me tear up…lol
Day 5. Still freaked. No pink cloud here lol. One Day at a Time.
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I don’t think I was consciously terrified but there was a certain level of anxiety thinking about NEVER having another drink. So I stopped thinking in terms of “never forever” and started thinking in terms of “not today”. One day is much less scary.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
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I did this too. I also wrote about how shitty I felt during the early withdrawals. I was worried that once I started to physically feel better I would forget and think having a drink would be no big deal. NO. Early withdrawal sucks and I do not want to do that ever again!!!
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You’re right. It’s the NEVER EVER part. I’m working on changing my view on it. Thanks!
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Oh yeah. Forever seems unmanageable. I live by the one day at a time mantra as cliche as it is. Try not to future trip.
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I did this! It was during my therapy session and we called it “breaking up with your addiction”. I actually felt so much better. I actually felt like I had broken up with alcohol. It was a relief! I suggest this to anyone.
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Yes. I’m here going on 100 days and I lost a loved one in a very messed up and traumatic way and broke up with one of my girlfriends and realized I was being abused and gaslight in my living situation. Every single one of those things made me want to drink. I knew drinking would be an easy off button for all the stress and suffering I was feeling through all this. But it’s not really an off button and we know that. It’s slows down the pain for one night to make it bigger and louder the next morning. And if you just do that night after night the pain just keeps getting bigger and louder and waiting for you when your sober. So if you ever want a chance at a healthy life you need to just face and process things as they come, in small increments instead of putting it off and adding all issues that come with drinking to them. The hangover, the reckless behavior, the cost to your health, maybe even damage to your finances and relationships. All that and the pain is still waiting for you on the other side where you left it. For me I’ve been making new coping skills. Journaling and meditation and hobbies to distract myself. Journaling doesn’t have to be anything special. Just write whatever’s in your head. I have been doing calligraphy, cooking, painting. Is there anything that makes you happy? Or that you always wanted to try? Just do it even if your bad at it. I always thought of drinking as my bad coping skill but it’s not even that. It’s just a way to defer dealing with things. You will have to deal with them when you get sober whether it’s the next day with a raging hangover or a year down the line with everything else you drank away. You can do this without alchohol, we are rooting for you
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I don’t know if I was terrified. Well, maybe, ahhh. What I can remember is that early on in my drinking career even then I couldn’t find a time of continuous days which wouldn’t be a problem to not drink: birthdays, marriages, holidays, parties, I mean everything involved alcohol. Wine culture means ‘gemütlich’ (German word) which is sitting somewhere and chatting with a friend. I could not imagine doing this with only water in my hand or tea 
but now I see how we/I was used to think in these categories. Going out and having a drink, to meet friends = drinking a glass of wine or two.
And then ‘forever’. Giving up. No longer. Never again. Those are huge words which I often used but never meant. Mostly when hungover until the next day. That was the average length of never again.
And now, almost 4.5 years later. I don’t miss it at all. When I imagine the taste I get scared. Don’t want to go on back.
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Terrified, yes
Every feeling including the stages of grieving took place
I had no intentions of letting go of alcohol i thought i just needed to dry up, same with drugs just a dry out and I’ll be fine
Then I heard medical professionals diagnosing me a alcoholic, and substance addict, if it was available I used it if it could give me mind altering experiences I was in.
The first few weeks were rough it does get easier yes just stay the path you’ll do just fine
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It’s e very hard at the beginning, because the alcohol mixed up your brain chemistry and you are scared and depressed without any reasons. After some weeks you will find a new calmness and will be able to do regular stuff again at ease.
Find a peer group for support during the first time to get out of your still imbalanced head.
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Made me tear up too
In my last year of drinking, there was no question that things were spiraling down fast and it was affecting my health. Very, very badly. I remember the look of incredulity in my doctor’s eyes when he saw some of my annual physical results. My mom had expressed concern a few years back, even before things escalated. I live far away, and I’m very good at keeping a “normal” appearance. But I know how she and my dad worried about me. To the point that I said to them, at the end of an argument: “Stop worrying about me, I’m not going to die from becoming an alcoholic!”
Well.
I could either make a change or I was going to break that promise. And that was going to break the hearts of my entire family.
I saw my parents over Christmas and New Years and it was the first tine in 20 years I didn’t have a drink. They didn’t say anything. They didn’t need to. It was a very, very special time for all of us.
I remember vividly just about one year ago how terrifying it was to think of not drinking ever again. I used that to celebrate, cope with emotions, with a bad day, with anger, to relax, to start the weekend, to start the week, to finish the night, to have a special brunch, to party, to happy hour, to vacation, to be with friends, to be with family…even to SLEEP…and then to pull that rug from under me and tell me that I could not drink?? Seemed so scary, so impossible.
I’ll repeat what everyone else already said: don’t commit to forever. Forever is impossible and it doesn’t exist. Just commit to not drinking today. And probably not drinking tomorrow. That’s all. You can cope with today. You can take a walk, call a friend, go to bed early. Have some ice cream. Take a long bath. Cry if you feel like it. Exercise. Punch a pillow. Read a book. Meditate. There are a lot of tools to help you re-learn how to cope with life without a crutch.
I’m so happy I’m doing this. I know that if you put in the effort, you will, too
PS: Listening to recovery audiobooks helps me immensely. I’d suggest “This Naked Mind” to start with.
Listening to “We are the Luckiest” now. It helps to know that we all go through the same process. Congrats on day 5 and keep going!
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I haven’t drank in 67 days. Drabk for about 18 years everyday. I never would have thought i would have made it this far. After about 3 weeks you will feel better. Ull have urges here and there. But you have to just say to yourself (make it til tomorrow just make it til tomorrow) after about 40 days the urges are further apart. Now at 67 days I only get urges during social events. I hope you the best of luck. You will apprciate life and have alot more energy if you can quit for about 30-40days. Journal everyday. So you can look back. And see how you felt. Or you will forget.
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I second that. 
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