I have a home group I attend regularly, recently I gave a somewhat newcomer a ride home a few times as shes unemployed and Uber cost her like 20 bucks a round trip, it adds up when you dont have a income source, nice girl train wreck like most of us.
Anyway I haven’t seen her in a few meetings. So me being me, I reached out asking if she was ok, when you dont see a regular attendee it makes you wonder if everything is alright. She replied back with “I’m not looking to be a matchmaker, nor am I looking to be one I am looking for women in recovery”
My response was, I’m not here for matchmaking nor a new girlfriend, even in my shares I say how my goals are get my career back on track and get my family back, if you feel my intentions were misaligned I apologize I refuse to date women from the program regardless,
I understand the old adage men for men women for women, as far as sponsors, but I’m more of a if your cool with me I’m cool with you I dont care male female, straight, gay, it really does not matter. But apparently I struck a chord with her and she complained to the meeting chairperson, who said he would mention it, but he did not believe my intentions were in the 13th step realm, I even showed him the text exchange. Needless to say she hasn’t came back, I’d just hate to see someone’s sobriety be at risk because they felt they were expected to put out or something
It’s frustrating feeling misunderstood. I feel you there
This is one of those cases where you have to let things go & be serene. There’s a lot going on here most of which has nothing to do with you. You’ve been honest and accountable where it matters; the next step is you walk your sober path and let others walk theirs.
It helps to share & its good that you share here. You’re a good person & you deserve a safe, sober life. Stay steady, stay grounded here, and you’ll be ok
You can’t control other people’s thoughts or actions. We can only control ours. If you’ve done everything you can do to have her and others understand your side, there’s nothing more you can do. Let it ride, give it to God, and stay your path. Hugs
It is sad to see people have a close minded view because of things that have happened to them… People can’t see people as just being kind or nice, they have to see a view point of people wanting something off them.
Don’t put this on yourself that’s her issue on perception not yours.
Like the guys have said let go and let your hp deal with it.
And perhaps don’t put yourself in that position again.
I understand totally that you intentions were in the right place but this shows that other people sometimes don’t think the same.
you might have caught her at a time when a man (not you) pushed her boundaries. it sounds like you’ve been a good friend to her, giving her rides and checking in on her. regardless of her reaction, dont let that stop you from checking in on lady friends when they’ve gone missing.
Well that took a diffrent route all you can do is give yourself a pat on the back because your intentions were to help and to be there for someone in this journey now if that person took it a diffrent way and left say she gambles and risks her sobreity because of this it doesnt fall on you its ok just keep doing your thing and keep rocking it
I’m a let people think what they want to think, I can care less,
I’m very clear, dont get me wrong I met some beautiful and amazing women in AA/NA but it’s a boundary i have, just seems inappropriate to me. Besides, if I want to work things out with my family 13th stepping a newcomer is not a step in the right direction
I want to thank everyone for their feedback, I know personally as I have been told I can be brutally honest and often leave some one bitter and feeling insulted
So I’m going to tell you, you didnt do anything wrong. And people in early recovery or active relapse or even current users see things differently. I am new to this myself but I recently had a similar experience. So it’s a long story so I’ll just say the points. Someone I knew from my childhood (neighbor) who I would never have considered anything other then someone I knew reached out. As I am open about my recovery it’s not uncommon for random people to reach out. To get to the point I was able to get him to go to a meeting with me that day. He still ended up using that night and texting me the same thing we all know when we are in that state, but not too direct. I waited until I spoke to him in person at another meeting he went with me to before I responded in any way other then about meetings. I eventually told him that whatever the reason his brain is telling him for reaching out to me was of no matter to me. I was interested in being a friend an aly in recovery only. I have my reasons but I will never turn someone away who reached out (even without really consciously doing it) if there is something I can do. I also know that in early recovery all of your emotions are mixed up. And when trying to over come one thing other human behaviors interact on heightened level. So after those 2 meeting I directed him to a guy friend and aly in recovery because no matter what I say to him right now I am still a distraction. I have invited him to meetings I attend because I do think he could still benefit from me, just not directly. I will not go with him, but I will still remain an aly. I am sorry this is happening to you and I feel it happens too much. As a general rule unless someone is far enough along to actually be able to understand your just trying to help it’s better for guys to only be alone with guys and girls to only be alone with girls for both of you involved.
Hugs
all you can do is give yourself a pat on the back because your intentions were to help and to be there for someone in this journey now if that person took it a diffrent way and left say she gambles and risks her sobreity because of this it doesnt fall on you its ok just keep doing your thing and keep rocking it 