It’s my first week sober today. I’ve done this before, for a maximum of three months without too much trouble. This time feels harder. I recently made a career change into social services and my job is taking a toll. I love it, but I listen sympathetically all day to people dealing with addictions and going through the toughest times in their lives. It can be emotionally exhausting. My caseload is high and I’m swamped at work. On top of that we are selling our home and looking for a new home. My cat is stressed with all the home showings and peeing on my sofa every day. Its wildfire season where I live and we were nearly evacuated the other day. My family is putting pressures and expectations on me, and they drink excessively and don’t take me seriously regarding my own addictions. My husband is going to through his own depression and career change.
I have been a basket-case this last week. Twice I’ve had what I would call a “breakdown” or anxiety attack. I’ve cried at work, been miserable and got in a fight with a coworker who I don’t like but normally tolerate well and act professionally around.
I normally turn to booze when things get out of hand. I’m gonna be real here. It’s my safe place, my comfort. I love it. I feel like it brings me back to a place of peace, which I desperately need. I feel lost without it. Without it I fill the hole with food. I eat compulsively at times, and between that and the drinking my health has suffered. I am nearly 300 lbs now. The doctor has recommended I stop drinking.
I used to train in boxing. For a long time (8 years) this helped keep me healthy and happy. I adore it. I lost access to my former gym when we moved 6 years ago and there is nothing similar where we live. I can’t afford private training. I’m lost here.
Any words of encouragement or guidance would help. Taking a sick day today to try to get a breather from life and reset. I can’t believe this is only Week 1…it has never been harder!
I dont have to much to say . Just one big hug…
From my experience everytime it gets harder yo stay clean … so just take it as this is normal and tomorrow will be better .
Again thanks for your sharing
Congratulations on a week clean! It must have been very difficult with all the stressors in your life. I’m very proud of you. Try to take it one day at a time. One minute at a time if you need too. Don’t worry about tomorrow until tomorrow. Sounds like you need another way to relax. Not going to lie, in the beginning it was hard. Really hard. I would work on quiting drinking first. As time goes by it gets easier and things start to fall into place. When i was drinking my whole life felt over whelming. Everything! You can work on your eating later. I ate and slept more in the first month than I have in my life. Lol you just need to get past this difficult time. Did you try talking to your Dr? Going to a meeting? Meditation? Yoga? Reading? Binge watch Netflix? Walk? Draw? AA Meetings saved me. I would not have made it thorough my first weekend without them. Keep coming here and asking for help. Lots of great advice here. Keep up the great work. I’ll be thinking of you
Hi, some of your story is similar to mine. I work in social services and spend my days listening to people with addictions or mental health problem and are struggling to meet the needs of their children. I also see the impact of that on the children. Witnessing all that pain, despite trying to help those people, led me to use alcohol to switch off. Social services is an area of work where many people use alcohol as a form of escape. Its a hard job that can impact on you as a person due to secondary trauma. That plus all the other stuff you are going through its no wonder you feel overwhelmed! One thing I will say though is I never thought I could stop drinking every day, but after 37 days of no alcohol I am managing work stress better. I can face the day without a hangover and now have a sense of calm which I never had when drinking. The stress is still there and will be getting worse over the next month as work gets busier but I have learnt that alcohol didn’t help me manage eliethe stress. It just numbed it for a few hours and then made the next day worse. To do the job you do, you must be a very strong person with a good heart. You can do this! I believe in you. Keep posting and reading on here when you need to. A lightbulb moment for me was when someone on here in my first week told me “nothing changes if nothing changes”. You got this! …another thing we have in common is stressed cats. Mine did a poo on my new flip flops yesterday!
Thank you SO much for the suggestions. I think you’re absolutely right. One day at a time and one thing at a time. My husband recently bought me a kayak. I love the water and have so many dreams of getting out in nature more. Yet somehow when drinking I always seem to find an excuse. I have colouring books and I definitely Netflix…i have tonnes of new books to read. But I’m seeking escapism with minimal effort lately. I don’t want to think. That means I’ve been glued to my phone a lot. I have finally found a doctor and am going this week. I will bring this up for sure. I used to see a counsellor but I just can’t afford It right now…I got myself into debt from spending too much on booze. Trying not to beat myself up…just keep going. But I feel like I’m just living right now. I want to THRIVE.
I’m struggling with the support group option Tracy, mostly because I live in a relatively small community and many of my clients also go. This would be difficult and somewhat traumatic for me…Im a very private person and very much like to keep my work and home life separate. Perhaps an online group if that is an option? I’m hoping to start private counselling soon. As for why I quit when I did…glutton for punishment? Lol JK. I was starting to drink with coworkers and this worried me, that it was starting to spill into my work life. I also have had ongoing gastrointestinal problems that I know are caused by drinking, and they are becoming unbearable. I was having difficulty working, sleeping, exercising…so much pain!
I live in a small town too population under 2000. And I do understand not wanting to run into any of your clients…but we’ve all had the exact same fear. For others it may be not wanting to run into any associates or friends. Until you’ve experienced it, trust me when I say it’s a complete non-issue should you decide to. You’re embraced & welcome with open arms and just another alcoholic sitting at the table. Personally, I think your clients would feel more at ease & open if they knew you were in recovery too (Yes, really!)
Many here use SMART recovery as their group of choice @Englishd can share that link. Group support can be the difference between making it to long-term sobriety or not, definitely explore your options. Pick one and reach out today!
We’re all private people. We’d all love nothing more than to handle this on our own…but found we couldn’t. It’s humbling, embarrassing & makes you feel vulnerable… it’s also a turning point for many of us that finally set us on the path to sobriety.
If you choose private counseling. Make sure they specialize in addictions. Keep reaching out here. We’ll support every step toward recovery you make
So much of your story sounds familiar to me. I was a counselor for fifteen years, and I used alcohol to numb out from all the horrible things I heard all day long. Unfortunately, it got to a point that my days only seemed worse when living them hungover. I wasn’t motivated to do anything except take the easy escape in a bottle.
I’m still relatively early in recovery, but I can’t tell you how much more manageable my life seems through a sober lens. My health is better, my energy is better, I’m a better wife and mother - and my depression and anxiety are the most controlled they have been in years. Your job is damn hard, and it’s pretty thankless - but you are so worth having a happy, peaceful life again. You don’t have to live like this anymore. You are obviously a strong person who has loved yourself and your life in the past. You can do it again!
You guys are amazing, and a wealth of knowledge! I have not heard of SMART here in Canada but looked it up and it sounds like just what I need. I’m ok with a group format, but I’m just not ok with running into people I know in person. My life is my journey, and I choose who I share it with. I’m that way with everything. Lol. And although I know everyone would be accepting and supportive, I just can’t do it. I’m open with friends and family about my addiction but I’m not willing to be open with casual acquaintances. So, onward to online meetings!
@MoCatt thanks so much for sharing your experience. I have suspected this for a while…that drinking was just making it harder. I’m so hopeful for the future, especially now that I’ve heard your story! I look forward to feeling better and having better and healthier coping skills! Thank you thank you thank you!
So happy you made a decision & really excited for you! Click on the blue link above ‘SMART group for talking sober’ they’re starting an online smart recovery meeting here & you’re welcome to join.
This is such a great forum too! Really helpful to just pop in throughout the day and keep your mind centered on recovery
What happened a week ago that made you stop drinking during all these huge events going on?
But I’m not gonna lie…you gave me a good laugh, so thank you. 
