Welcoming Willpower

Today I answered the phone for an old friend who I used to get drunk and do coke with 24/7.

I’ve known him since middle school and we’re more bonded than we are friends.

Last we spoke I was not in an ok place and his contribution to my life at that point was furthering my pain. One of the most shellshocking conversations of my life. His words to me were so black I found the white reflection of a new dawn in what seemed like a timeless space. Dark and ironic serendipity if you will.

Disrespect has a way of making things really clear for you and what he said after the last time we went out “raging” was the push I needed to move forward in so many ways. He preframed with “you may not want to hear this” then delivered the most distaseful and disrespectful words - but he was in fact right and earleir this year I happily let him know that I could see the truth in his words alongside the pain they caused. I could be better. I could do better. And so I did. And I walked out of his life and into my own - a swift breakup - the death of a parasitic relationship - the awakening of my sobriety.

It was the easiest decision I ever made and it crushed him. He reached out to me a few times this year and I wholeheartedly (not necessarily ignored him) continued my own path and minding my own business. Solidifying my lease on my new life.

Today I woke up from a nap at my house and there he was. (Mentioned he was stopping by, roommate let him in)

When I saw him I saw that not much had changed about him. Meaning he’s probably still using and due to that finding himself in stupid and avoidable scenarios.

It was a perfectly brief reunion. When I hugged him. I squeezed so tightly. A friend. An opportunity to forge something new. My past life that died a long time ago. A reminder of what I have changed. A reminder that I am changed.

I told him not to apologize for what he said anymore. His apologies like small implications that I am not better off. Unequivocally unnecessary. I lifted the weight of his burden and I welcomed the prospect of new companion for new reasons with a new attitude and a new mindset.

Rebirth - Boundaries - Fortitude

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