# Well… here we go… feel the urge again
**URL:** https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216
**Category:** Life in Recovery
**Created:** [August 31, 2022, 9:27pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216 "2022-08-31T21:27:45Z")
**Posts on this page:** 12
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@AuraXP](https://talkingsober.com/u/AuraXP)
#### Post date: [August 31, 2022, 9:27pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/1 "2022-08-31T21:27:45Z")
_TW_
I feel the urge to self harm today…… i have this friend, (who happens to be my ex), but the thing is he’s really understanding and nice and he even told me to call him back when I’m ready and mentally in a better place. Anyways, granny said I’m not allowed to call him anymore. Now keep in mind that I’m 20 years old now, and can make my own choices. He’s changed for the better, and I’m changing for the better too. I’m so upset and just want to cry.
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### Author:  [@Alisa](https://talkingsober.com/u/Alisa)
#### Post date: [August 31, 2022, 9:38pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/2 "2022-08-31T21:38:52Z")
Please do not self harm your self. That hurts you and it hurts also a lot of the people you like and who love you including your friend you want to see.
Why does your granny not want you to see him?
When things hurt or upset you do not always go to self harm as the answer. Find healthy ways to deal with your anxiety and frustration. The meditation thread on this app would be a good place to start. Posting was a good place to start and I’m glad that you posted. I wish you success and living a healthy life
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### Author:  [@Alisa](https://talkingsober.com/u/Alisa)
#### Post date: [August 31, 2022, 9:39pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/3 "2022-08-31T21:39:28Z")
Crying is OK. Sell harm is not.
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### Author:  [@AuraXP](https://talkingsober.com/u/AuraXP)
#### Post date: [August 31, 2022, 9:46pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/4 "2022-08-31T21:46:22Z")
> [@Alisa](#):
>
> Why does your granny not want you to see him?
Talk to. As in call/text him. I don’t even know why. Cause he’s “bad” for me? She doesn’t even like my bf either, well doesn’t but doesn’t not, if that makes any sense.
> [@Alisa](#):
>
> When things hurt or upset you do not always go to self harm as the answer.
I don’t always, only when it has to do with people i care about if they might get taken from me.
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### Author:  [@Alisa](https://talkingsober.com/u/Alisa)
#### Post date: [August 31, 2022, 10:09pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/5 "2022-08-31T22:09:17Z")
I understand that that upsets you and so you want to self harm.
I offer to you something else. Load Insight Timer on your device and take some of the suggestions given on the Meditation thread which I will post the link to.
You are here for help and this is something I think would help you. Let me know what you think.
Please no self harm, K?
[Meditation for Serenity - 2022 (tips, tricks & discussion)](https://talkingsober.com/t/meditation-for-serenity-2022-tips-tricks-discussion/135130)
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### Author:  [@Its\_me\_Stella](https://talkingsober.com/u/Its_me_Stella)
#### Post date: [August 31, 2022, 10:13pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/6 "2022-08-31T22:13:20Z")
Hi hunny, I know that feeling so well. We both have learned some really great tools though in DBT to get us past those strong urges. What is something that you can apply from therapy to get you through this?
Something that works well for me is to change my body temp right away by getting in a hot or cold shower depending on my feelings. Would this help you?
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### Author:  [@Alisa](https://talkingsober.com/u/Alisa)
#### Post date: [August 31, 2022, 10:18pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/7 "2022-08-31T22:18:14Z")
Another tool for your tool box could be Box Breathing.
Breathe in to a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, let your breath out to a count of four and once again hold to a count of four. Then repeat. You can do this anywhere. Standing in a grocery line, talking to someone.
Proud of you for the days you have not self harmed, for realizing you need and want help and for reaching out for it here. I missed you while you were gone. 💜
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### Author:  [@AuraXP](https://talkingsober.com/u/AuraXP)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2022, 12:04pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/8 "2022-09-01T12:04:59Z")
Ive done rainbow breathing, so ill give box breathing a try too! You can never have too many breathing techniques
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### Author:  [@AuraXP](https://talkingsober.com/u/AuraXP)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2022, 12:05pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/9 "2022-09-01T12:05:33Z")
I didn’t self harm. I went to bed after i did some art.
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### Author:  [@AuraXP](https://talkingsober.com/u/AuraXP)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2022, 12:05pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/10 "2022-09-01T12:05:46Z")
I distracted myself
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### Author:  [@Trdamsel](https://talkingsober.com/u/Trdamsel)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2022, 2:18pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/11 "2022-09-01T14:18:27Z")
This sucks to hear and it’s just my opinion. Recovery comes first, that relationship will be there waiting if it’s worth it. Get clean, get healthy, be the best you. Then look at that relationship and decide to pursue it or not. Just my .02
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### Author:  [@Thirdmonkey](https://talkingsober.com/u/Thirdmonkey)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2022, 4:30pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/well-here-we-go-feel-the-urge-again/150216/12 "2022-09-01T16:30:45Z")
Hello, what you posted made me think of this
> [@Recovery Dharma Thread](https://talkingsober.com/t/recovery-dharma-thread/140494/8):
>
> From recovery Dharma
>
> “Our refusal to accept the way things are leads to wanting, or craving, which is the cause of suffering. We don’t suffer because of the way things are, but because we want—or think we “need”—those things to be different.”
For me, this stuck something deep in me. I heard it put differently in AA and other places in life. But reading these words hit differently for me.
When, now, I find me suffering, anxious, stressed out. I look at what is causing it, what my reactions are and why. Then I step away and find something else to focus on. It gives me clarity, and then I can deal with the crap of life in a more positive way…a way that hurts me far less