After a little over 6 months of being sober. I somehow convinced my husband if I could try drinking again. I was certain I could drink responsibly. The first night was great I did great didn’t have but a few and I stopped myself. Well few days later I got some more beer got completely hammered. Blacked out. Got in a huge fight with my husband. The next night what did I do guzzle down an entire bottle of wine and it was huge. I blacked out of course ended up at my sister’s because my husband called her to come get me. I thought I lost my marriage today. I thought for sure he would be done and he was in a way I could see it in his face. I now know what I already knew but somehow I convinced myself I could do it right this time. But I can’t I failed. I know I now know without a doubt that I can never drink. I black out almost every single time and say and do horrible things. Today is my first day sober. I’m very depressed and sad that I took that 6 months and threw it out the window. I’m very lucky to have a husband who has forgiven me but doesn’t trust me quite yet. And I don’t expect him to. Sad thing is I drank in front of my children I did it when I knew my husband would about to be home but but still there’s no excuse my oldest knew he could tell something was wrong with me. He even said mom why are you drinking you said you wouldn’t do it again. For the rest of my life I will make it up to my children and my husband the kids may not even remember this one day they are young. But something terrible could have happened I put my kids at risk of me blacking out in front of them. When I back out I have no clue what is said or done or do I even remember and I get aggressive and call or text my ex’s and flirt. I would NEVER do that sober. Sorry for the long post. Just had to let it out.
Welcome back! I’m sorry you had to test it again. Many of us tried to prove we were the exception. Damn I just knew I was. But like you I’m not able to drink moderately. It’s zero to 110 and I’m a miserable sack. With the grace of my lord I will remember these truths daily and not try to see if I’ve learned how to master it. My life is so much better sober than the hell I was wallowing in in my addiction
You haven’t wasted those six months @StephN. You know both sides, sober and using, now you have a better frame of reference. It’s your choice, one side is a whole lot better.
Thanks you all for your kind words. It means alot to me 
Hi there, I saw your thread and looks like were alot alike. Today is my first day. Im wanting to quit for my kids and just done feeling like crap.
I can relate to your story. Mine is very similar. I’m at day 1 as well. I feel so shameful.
Hi @StephN, I am right there with you, very similar actually. Got in a fight with my boyfriend and drank until I passed out and puked all over my new bed spread. Glamorous. And I wasn’t so much mad at him as mad at myself. Mad at this disease. Mad at myself for relapsing. Mad because I felt powerless. Mad because the alcohol makes me depressed. But I am learning too, I just can’t drink. I can’t have just one.
6 months is still a hell of an achievement though so really well done! I can totally sympathise with your story having done exactly the same thing 3 days ago, thought I’d try to just be a “sociable drinker” (
) something has finally snapped in me and I’ve been to AA. It all feels awful at the moment but we’re still lucky enough to be here which means we have a chance to get it right this time.
I felt shameful too. Spent most of the day crying. Hating myself. But the “me” I don’t like is the “me” that is under the influence. I like the sober me. But addiction makes me forget that. Addiction is a bitch. And it’s a really hard battle. And sometimes I just get so tired.
I totally agree. Sober me is a good mom and very productive. Then I mess up everything when I drink. And the shame is enough to eat me alive.
I feel you 
I’m sure you’re an amazing mom. We just need to stay away from booze, so we can be our truest selves.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Noone is perfect. I personally do not believe your six months sober doesn’t count anymore. You worked hard for that time. Try to learn and move on. Good luck to you!
6 months it’s too much.
I’m mother too and It’s makes me feel more culpability.
We need get up the times that we need for to get it