Well intentioned or...?

Hey guys! Hope everyone’s doing well. Quick question. I have a friend who is aware of my journey of sobriety, and every couple of days or so, she’ll text me saying you’re not drinking, are you? I’m a binge drinker, I’d go days without drinking, but when I did drink, it was no holds barred. I’ve never drank around or with her, she only knows that I’ve decided to get sober on my own accord, no serious negative impact, other than guilt & wanting better for myself. That being said, it almost feels like she’s waiting to catch me or something. She always asks if I’m sure. I’m not clear on her intentions, but honestly, most times I’m not even thinking about drinking until she brings it up, lol!! I’d like some input on how to deal with this please! Much appreciated☺ 109 days sober today❤


Tell her to stop! Start the new year with some healthy boundaries. Ask he to go to a meeting with you. She will stop asking after that for sure.


Im sure it’s just something she doesn’t understand. It’s most likely her idea of supporting you. Set some boundaries. In person or over the phone would be better. Things like that can get missunderstood thru text:)


Boundaries it is! Thanks all☺

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I know this is unlikely but, as you’re unaware of her drinking habits but she has knowledge of yours, is it possible she’s sounding you out because she might have a problem?
Broaching the subject could be a win/win because if you’re tactfully aking her if she’s got a problem and she hasn’t, that’ll probably shut her up - if she has, you’ve got an opportunity to help someone!

Omg I love this😃

She hasn’t drank in years. Good idea though!

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Aha - quite a conundrum!
I wonder why she stopped.

She is a recovering opiate addict, and swore off all substances when she went to rehab. We have that in common. I’m over 10yrs clean from opiates myself. I think having an open conversation about how her somewhat aggressive inquires make me feel is necessary.

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Ok, with those last couple of bits of info, your common histories of opiate and alcohol, I’m inclined this is a clumsy effort on her part to be a good friend, and it might even extend to her needing mutual support and accountability to avoid relapsing herself.

Accountability is a huge deterrent. It sounds to me like she wants you both to be closer friends.

Or I could totally be reading this wrong.


I might tell her that you apprecthat she is checking in with you but that she should change her terminology. By asking “you’re not drinking are you?” She is implying that she expects that you are. She should instead ask “how are you doing today? Is there anything I can do to help you?”.

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That’s exactly how it makes me feel!! Brilliant suggestion, I’ll use it. Thank you❤

I’m choosing to believe it’s with good intention, and I’ll just be kindly candid with her, and hope for the best. Thanks for the input☺

It certainly seems to be slightly bizarre behaviour - certainly for a friend who’s been through addiction and has 10 years clean.
Best not to judge though - your friend will only have your wellbeing at heart!

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