What a rough ride that was... What made u get sober?

Well, you would have thought that watching my mother kill herself with alcohol at age 68 would be enough for me…but it still took another few years. No, I think it was realising that I was on track to destroy the relationships I had with my kids that made me stop.

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sick and tired… of being sick and tired.

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My story is I realized many year ago but don’t remember what it was ( 25 year ago ) but now it’s my health as I’m suffering of neuropathy in my feet after getting BOTOX in my back for pain relief ( 1 1/2 years ) at the end ( 7 vile ) every 3 month.
When I drink it amplifies pain in my feet & hand, part of me wonders is this a good thing because I would probably never quite drinking.
:grimacing:

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2 years clean from cocaine decided to show off at the bar by pounding 3 pints in two minutes. Had some shots browned out. Decided we needed blow. Purchased the worst shit ever and did a huge rail. Then I uncontrollably vomited all over the dealers table. Yeah that’s when I decided I needed to get off the booze. Relapsed on day 31 for a 2 day bender but now I’m here day 17 and feeling pretty good about it. Especially now that I found this app

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I should have realized I had a major problem when I was in college and the guy I was dating told me he couldn’t be with me anymore because of my drinking. I did so so many stupid things, like, going outside in just a shirt at night in the city and peeling in my roommates closet. Not Pretty! Instead my drinking continued until here I am at 45, married, one kid, and my doctor tells me my liver enzymes are high. Scared me a lot. I could have died so many times in the 1990s.

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I kept trying to stop drinking and two or three days in my anxiety and panic would get worse (it was already up shit creek) and I’d have to take even more Xanax. I was already around 5 or 6 mgs a day. Then I would starts mixing klonopin because I didn’t have enough Xanax. Then I would go back to drinking the next day because I couldn’t bear the massive panic attacks at night. My drinking would spiral out of control in a few hours. Then I had more anxiety… I think you get the picture. Then one day I couldn’t take enough benzos to make my anxiety get even a little bit better. In those last few days I was at 8.5, 9, then 10.5 mgs. I decide on Saturday June 17th that I would take enough drinks to make me go to sleep, then take myself to the psych hospital in the morning. My last drink was at 5:30 pm. I took my last Xanax on the morning of Sunday June 18th, at exactly 10am, before I drove to the hospital. I don’t know how I made it but i did. And here I am! I count June 19th, 2017 as my total clean date.

Those were the worst days of my life and I have no idea how I didn’t relapse, especially on the Xanax. I’ve never dealt with anxiety that bad! But I look back now and I’m more greatful than I can ever express that it all happened. I would not have survived even a few more days. Mixing benzos and alcohol at the rate I was, I really don’t know how I didn’t end up in a coma or dead.

So, yay! I’m alive and 226 days clean!

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I was doing “ok” (a lie I told myself) drinking like a “normal person” doing short stretches of sobriety just to prove I wasn’t and alcoholic. Then my Ma got sick, and I had to make the decision to end her life-support. Used that as my excuse and started drinking with a purpose.

After 11 months, my wife marched into my “bunker/man cave” on a Sunday afternoon, looked me in the eye and said “I know you think you are dealing with your mom’s death, but you aren’t. What you are doing is acting like you are dead. Your living family misses you.” Then she pointed to a picture of me from my days in The Corps. “Square yourself away, Marine”.

And with that, my sober life began. Almost to 60 days.

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After most of my friends and coworkers were mad at me for always taking days off work. Waking up puking and shaking in the morning until I just started drinking again. 2017 was full of a good bit of sober time and lots of relapses, but day 59 today.

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Congratulations that is very good, that is no small accomplish.:trophy:

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Thank you! I’m hopeful this is my time to put it in the past forever. One day at a time. @Drinking

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Moving back into my parents at 27 years old. Because of a failed relationship with my ex fiancé, and getting pregnant and needing to terminate because I was still living at home and ex is on ice. Bad decision making… drinking only made matters worst. Now I’m sober working trying to save to move out on my own. Starting fresh.

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This time losing one of my best friends cause i did it again hard core for almost three days straight after a month of being sober and clean. Now ten days sober, kinda sad and angry at myself but also happy that it was a really powerfull incentive…

18 years of demoralization. Seeing that the things I had wanted all my life and worked so hard for were being damaged and that some of them were about to be gone forever. Seeing that, no matter the techniques or tactics I tried, I had a constant motion toward death. That, over time, I just drank more and more. Finally, in that last bender, with my beloved family gone, I was fortunate enough to receive what my sponsor calls the gift of desperation.

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Guilt, shame, waking up in the middle of the night with heart pounding, being hungover a lot, guzzling wine in the kitchen when nobody was watching…being sick and tired of being sick and tired, like @Michael_H said.

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Countless days spent in bed feeling sick as a dog, having gone out and drank myself into blackout the night before.

The actual turning point was taking an Uber ride I don’t remember to the bar area when it was already closed. On Google maps we didn’t take a straight path. I have no idea why. It’s scary. What happened? What did I say?

Too many incredibly stupid things.

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That’s intense, glad it worked, you truly love and respect your family. You’re a good guy. You already know you got this!

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You are strong, that was Hell !
Very happy that you made it, they say that when you’ve gone to Hell it’s a strong motivater to stay out of it. And you know wy.Stay strong.:muscle:

That’s exactly what has kept me clean, the madness of those days at rock bottom, and those weeks of insanity and a whole new and terrifyingly intense rock bottom that was the detox from the Xanax and klonopin. Man, had so many triggers and cravings for alcohol, but I know I would have to find and take a benzo in the morning because of the side effects from drinking. I can’t ever take those things again, bottom line!

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Ditto on the being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Life is too short to have everyday begin with a hangover and then craving a drink by mid-afternoon. Everything I did seemed to be accompanied with alcohol. Skiing, gotta have a drink, boating, gotta be drunk to enjoy the beautiful outdoors. Don’t forget to pack the vodka for a round of golf. Surely that helps my game, not! College football game day drinking on the way there and all day for heavens sake. Driving up to the cabin, oh yeah, got to have a drink with me for that too!. The list goes on. What a trap I was in and what a waste. Glad I’m on the other side of that mountain of lies with the determination to stay free. Enough.

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A year and a half ago I had a triple spinal fusion to save my ability to walk. However, I still suffered alcoholic neuropothy and was going to lose my legs anyway…after all the unimaginable pain of surgery and recovery. I also watched my hero, my father suffer this fate, in a wheelchair and eventually having a leg amputated. I didn’t actually want to quit. But it was 100% necessary and I’m happier than I have been in 18 years.

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