Thank you! This is what I was trying to figure out.
On my side, I’m dealing with his infidelity, something he didn’t want discussed. Unfortunately for me I had to talk about what I was dealing with; otherwise i knew I’d have kept drinking to suppress it / hide it.
To be clear we’re talking over 30 sex workers, my health was put at risk, the level of lying and deception was pretty extreme and I’m still dealing with some overwhelming PTSD symptoms and episodes like extreme and spontaneous panic, feeling like I’ve just found out all over again, some serious doubts that I can’t know to be valid or hyper vigilance, dissociation, fits of depression and extreme sadness etc. On top of it I’ve quit drinking and smoking over the last almost 5 months, once I found out about what he was up too. So it’s not like I can just hang out with my friend without there clearly being something wrong.
I’m more confident with him discussing my drinking now because like you said I feel like I’m in control and have created some distance between it and me.
My concern however is that he will use my drinking as an excuse or to deflect from his infidelity, which seems to stem from sexual addiction.
My close friends now know and he’s very ashamed. However, they are happy to have about the progress we have both made individually and together. He was under the impression that I’d be willing to live a split life when my friends , family and relationship were all kept separate ( so that he’d never have to look my sister in the eye for example), that’s not healthy. And I’m not willing to navigate such a potentially dangerous and fragile situation in secret.
He seems to feel different about it. Ow, viewing it as facing his own tendency toward hiding and secrecy, for the advancement of his recovery. He’s scared and embarrassed but is looking forward to that “release” as you put it.
I’ve left it up to him to make the call. He wants to start with my sister, in a safe place like our home where he is free to be emotional without strangers around, and he will answer questions and have the discussion required to clear the air/ slate and rebuild the trust there as well.
I think part of his is excited about the chance to rebuild the relationship without the lies and secrecy. Of course, I’m not going to expect or even suggest he do this with anyone who hasn’t shown compassion, understanding and concern for both of our well being.
Once this is done and he sees that I’m not trying to build an army against him, just live with authenticity and openness and move away from the unhealthy tendencies that lead to isolation etc…that I’ll have less to worry about him throwing me under the bus to cover his butt.
Thanks for this! I just want to add that since I’ve been more honest and open about my struggles with my close friends, they have not only been receptive, but have confessed their own concerns about their own habits, partners relationships etc. A couple have asked for this forums link and for the titles of Books they can read. It’s been extremely encouraging and empowering! 
thank you for your respective 
