Keep on trucking…
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Sounds like a whole world of pain you’re in there, or flipping it, sounds like you’ve got rid of the real pain - he sounds like a total loser!
Concentrate on you.
And a year or so down the line, go find yourself a good man.
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Time for you to focus on you. He’s the problem, and you deserve so much better. Rehab didn’t turn him into an ass, it sounds like he always was. He’s ding you a favor by moving out. Makes things so much easier for you to move on from him. I saw meme last night, “if Jennifer Aniston can get over Brad Pitt, you can get over the loser you’re with”. I find it very fitting for this situation. Good luck!
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What are you doing for your recovery! Focus on fixing yourself. Wasting time and energy on something you can’t control is pointless. I’m going to share the quote I had to repeat over and over. If you truly practice it , it will serve you well
Acceptance
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
“Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
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I can relate to your suspicions about what they are or aren’t teaching in rehab, though I wouldn’t put the onus on all of them because I’ve been to some myself that I thought provided sound reasonable advice on what comes after rehab. But I had an experience where my now ex wife was in a long term residential rehab and her first order of business upon returning home was to file for divorce. And judging by how I was recieved by staff whenever my son and I would visit her in rehab I suspect someone put the divorce bug in her ear. Which flies in the face of what I’ve been taught in “the program”, where you are cautioned to not make any major life changes until you have at least a year in recovery because let’s face it were not exactly at our best thinking when new in recovery. We have a lot of soul searching and house cleaning to do before our judgement is on solid ground. So I felt betrayed by this particular rehab facility, and I’m pretty sure all these years later she regrets the decision. Now, like some have pointed out here it’s time for your recovery to begin. This disease touches everyone within our sphere of existence. Something you would learn a lot about and find others with similar experiences in Alanon. These programs have worked for millions of people around the world and I own most of my previous sober stretches to AA. Unfortunately, the data doesn’t paint a pretty picture. When the program of AA first started success rates were near 50%. Now they are less than 10%. I attribute this to the watering down of teaching how to work the steps by well intentioned younger sponsors, and the decreasing numbers of old timers attending meetings for that very reason. But I digress. I Hope this provides a little insight, and reassurance that your instincts are still intact.
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@Monk I would be interested in the citations you used for AA sucess rates. Can you provide them? I would interested in reading the studies. Thanks.
These were figures cited in various didactics while I was in rehab at Hazelden in Center City, Minnesota and Brighton Center for Recovery in Brighton, Michigan. I could dig deeper if you like but these figures are conservative at best and widely recognized throughout the recovery community.
Bear in mind that when we arrive to this point of admitting and deciding to recover, we have to take stock of every thing, person, and activity in our life. There is some coming to grips with certain realizations. Positive and negative. The process is just begining. For you and him. You need to take stock if you haven’t alreadt and make a plan to move forward with or without him. I know a few couples whose entire relationship was based on their codependent usage of whatever. When one cleaned up or both, they found that they really didn’t like each other and the only reason they tried was fear of being alone.
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