I have to get this off my chest - but I’ve been lying to companies I’ve worked for about my disease.
I’ve told them my family is sick, I’ve got a concussion, I have ovarian cancer (just HPV), and pretended I can’t drink because I’m pregnant.
It fills me with shame and guilt and I’m not sure how to deal with it.
Any ideas why you do that! Habit? Impulse? Make a mindful decision to stop and prepare yourself… Sometimes i talk a lot of bullcrap and have to stop myself. Meditation and deep breathing is great throughout the day, it calms your mind and allows in a clearer thinking 
Primarily needing to find a reason why I needed to take a leave of absence. I didn’t want people in my industry finding out that I’m an alcoholic.
If you not still doing it, just forget about it. Now you sober there will be no need to bunk work anymore. They will only ask a few times why you not drinking, then you just become known as a non drinker. Just say you taking meds dont explain further
I told people at work that I don’t want to drink anymore as it’s expensive, it was slowly killing me and I’m sick of feeling like shit all of the time, they’re all behind me 100% and if they weren’t…well, fuck em! This is your life, there’s absolutely no need to pander to, indulge, entertain or please work colleagues good luck!
way to go, fully agree
i think @Rod and @Surfin_Bird both have great suggestions. maybe also “i’m on a cleanse”, “i’m working on something later/early tomorrow morning”. lots of stuff you can say. i’m sure the more you avoid making up excuses you’ll become more comfortable with it and the guilt/shame will leave.
best to you!
Lisasimpson-People do have an allergy to alcohol that makes them sick, noone would want to give something to someone who is allergic, just a suggestion, covers all eventualities 
Why do you have to explain that you don’t drink? It’s really no one’s business. Why does there have to be a reason?
Thanks everyone for the advice! Sorry I guess I should clarify I’m not too concerned about telling people that I don’t drink - the whole trying to get pregnant thing was once - but it’s more or less when I take a leave of absence from work (3-5 days) after I had relapsed. I’m comfortable telling people that I don’t drink but I stupidly wrote drunk excuse emails about not being able to come in or why I was in the hospital. It’s all so embarrassing.
I’m a dual diagnosis so I also have anxiety, depression, and ptsd. What I’m concerned about the next company that recruits me im wondering if I should disclose my need to take breaks if I get overwhelmed so that I don’t end up drinking. Stressful job is a big trigger and I was going strong 10 months sober but work got insane and I relapsed suddenly one morning while brushing my teeth. I ended up swallowing my listerine as I planned out my day and it was all downhill from there.
@lisasimpson I might be overstepping here but you say you were going strong. Does that mean consistently working on your addiction or abstaining? Do you work a program? Do some “you” things/ “you” work?
I had 10 months of sobriety, going to meetings consistently (3 days a week) and was just coming upon my 4th step homework. I unfortunately relapsed when work became too much to handle. In addition to managing a team, I was working out (running 3-4 miles a day and doing spinning classes) and trying to fit in meetings with therapy sessions and taking care of family.
Relapse I’ve learned it was okay - but then that’s when working the program came into play.
I had an unfortunate situation where my sponsor brought me to a meeting that was 98% males - and I felt preyed upon - which comes from my PTSD as a repeated rape victim from family. So when I told her I needed to leave because I had started getting an anxiety attack - I went home and drank. She didn’t text me after that which I understand, she probably needs to take care of her sobriety. I haven’t been back to AA since because I was resentful, but I’m learning I need to go back and just to face it. Its costing me my sobriety.
I am seeing an addiction counselor and getting medication from a psychiatrist to help me with my depression and anxiety. I took a leave of absence from work (sabbatical) to get my head on straight and I’m changing industries because it causes me a lot of stress - but I get anxiety from this all. I’m working as hard as I can but it is a tough disease.
Also thank you so much and everyone else for the advice and support. You are never overstepping your boundary.
Sorry I realize I might be over-explaining - but I am also the primary caregiver for my parents. I pay their bills and take care of them since they were immigrants here and did everything they could to give my brother and I a good education.
The stress of taking care of my husband (who is a beautiful creative), and taking care of my family, etc - it’s a bit rough and I feel shame that I couldn’t do it all.
@lisasimpson. Well why would you feel shame? I’m pretty sure you are human right? You need to allow yourself to be! It seems like you were trying to work a program. Maybe it was just missing a piece or something didn’t quite get resolved. At any rate you can do this. Find a program that works for you. I’ve been to several meetings AA, NA and CA and they all are a good fit for me (I’m an alcoholic and yes the two latter ones are great). One of my favorite meetings is the CA in Wichita KS and it’s a majority of females (oxford house ladies) so just shop around for a good meeting and a good sponsor. You can also look into SMART and Women in Sobriety (I hope I got that right) just find the one/ones that work for you. Keep sharing as much as you feel comfortable with I’m sure someone can share experiences with you and many others will gain from your posts. Keep on going you are worth it
Shame? You should feel proud of what you’be been doing, especially doing it all and fighting against your addiction!
I guess I’ve misread what you said about your husband, you’re looking after him, is he ill or does he have a drink or drug problem? If not, hopefully he’s helping you?
Thank you for your kind words! Actually my husband has never had a single drop of alcohol his entire life. He’s wonderful and incredibly supportive - by looking after him, I mean being the bread winner and taking care of expenses since he is an artist and his income is a bit more unstable.
Thanks Chad. I’m going to look into SMART or the Women in Sobriety. Regardless, I’ve told myself I got to do my 90 in 90 starting today to get back on track so I’ll be hitting my first meeting again today. I appreciate the support.
@lisasimpson. Good for you. So many great people here to pick everyone up as we travel this road. So glad you are trying to keep doing the next right thing. If you search this board for the other two programs you can find links for them if it’s easier that way. Sure they are easy enough to find I think all of them have a strong online presence also.
Update: I found a new sponsor and I’m feeling really good restarting my steps. I wish I didn’t stray but I feel good given a task.