Have you tried CBD? I have anxiety and depression and I have used that and it seemed to help me without the high.
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Ah well, if you know you are abusing it, you likely also know it is time to find a solution that doesn’t involve abusing medications. Have you spoken with your doctor about medications for your depression? I found Wellbutrin or Lexapro worked well for my body chemistry. Everyone is different tho, so you will need to find what works for you. A frank discussion with your doctor seems like a great idea.
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I’ve tried 32 different medications.
Well it sounds like you do not lack in determination.
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Gosh… So the drugs don’t work 
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