Hi all…
So first time admitting it to anyone bit I have been a cocaine addict with some clean time inbetween for just over 12 years.
At the moment its so bad that I’m using daily.
Every morning I say to myself that is it, no more…come afternoon i cant think of anything but getting something.
My whole like is one big trigger and nothing much about it can be changed at the moment .
What made you say NO MORE? Grateful for any advice.
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For most people they lost everything or something important to drink. I’ve just embarrassed myself and spent way too much on it, trying to stop because I know how things end up.
Your brain knows to get its reward from cocaine instead of life’s regular pleasures. it’s an uphill battle to retrain it because, well, it’s your brain. That’s why people reach out for help. I would consider doing so, even your doctor.
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I personally had to go till i burnt my nose out. Got a terrible nasal infection, deviated my septum. I remember that desire to quit was huge when i was coming down (in tears, massively depressed), then once i had leveled out, id be ready to get more. My solution was not a good one. I just switched drugs, many many times. Till i became kind of a drug snob, and found other things that i thought allowed me to manage daily life better…until it all came crumbling down. And i had no other options aside from sobriety. Thats where 12 step meetings came into play
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With coke it was a genuine fear of dying - where I was at the time was awash with the stuff.
With alcohol it was fear of more hallucinations - they scared the bejesus out of me.
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For me early on, the best tool when I was experiencing a strong craving was to play the tape forward. I would take my time and really imagine what the end state was going to be, and ask myself if I really wanted that misery. Then play the tape forward on not using, going to bed sober and comfortable, waking up pain free clear headed and ready to take on the day. Not having to interrogate my memory or fear I had betrayed my own dignity.
Another weird thing that helped when I saw alcohol and craved it (like an open bottle at a wedding, or someone biking home on Friday night with a six pack), is saying the word POISON in my head like a Disney villain. Poooooiiiiiissssssoooonnn 
super cheesy but for whatever reason I would make myself laugh and it would give me a second to breathe. Both of these techniques really just bought me a little extra time to think. And sometimes that extra time gives you space to make the next right decision.
Prayer helps that way too. I was never a big prayer person, but there are some nice ones out there that express my sentiments better than I could have written them. I love the saint Francis prayer. Having a prayer or mantra memorized can give you that extra time to put one foot in front of the other and get out temptation’s way.
Hope you find tactics that work for you. Good luck and keep checking in 
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I quit 4 years afo qith a few slip ups (1 a year?) Until 2 years ago. I was an everyday user as well. Thing that finally made me say no? Desire to see daylight and the desire to breathe through my nose properly again. Be rid of the sinus issues. It definitely wasn’t missing my best friends birthday 2 years in a row… I was just ready. I also moved out of the big city but that had less impact than the desires being so strong. And then I started getting sick. Colds and flus etc. The final challenge is realizing there is still a point in getting sober even though you feel shittier than you did when you used
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100% relate
What a great post! Poooooooooiiiiisssinnnnn!! I love it! Lol.
But yeah, like you said, flip that train of thought. The craving is only the first thought and basically out of our control. After that is when we decide what we are gonna do about it. That thought/craving can be gone in a flash with something as simple as a laugh😂
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One night I did an all nighter then tried to sleep it off, lol I thought Satan was coming after me. But in reality I worked as an OR nurse and can tell you many horror stories about people blowing out their noses from doing so much coke. I’ve had kids on the or table nearly bleed to death bc we can’t get the bleeding under control. Mind you it doesn’t take much to ruin your nasal passages it is poison. I was scared straight after seeing Satan but I won’t even sniff sinus meds after the 19 year old almost dying on the table
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I remember when I quit smoking, I just kept thinking if you have one, you’ll still be a smoker at 60, and I didn’t want to. Smart with alcohol really, I just know that once I have one, I’m giving my control to the drink instead, so having none is better.
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I am an recovering cocaine/ crack addict. My addiction was so bad that it lead me to becoming homeless. To be honest you really have to be ready to LIVE again. I wrote LIVE in large letters because Everytime we use we are taking a chance on dying. I thought to myself. Why would I trust a substance that I never seen made or just contains something I might not even know about that could possibly kill me. Just to cope with problems in my life or addiction overall. I realized at that point I am weak. Get stronger by detoxing…Do all the things that you never did (Everybody has at least five things they could do…workout, yoga, join a support group A.A detox…) when you were getting high. And further and foremost learn to love yourself like a best friend. Treat yourself with the utmost respect and stop abusing your body. You are more than a substance. You can do it no matter how much you feel discouraged. P.s. Always remember to stay away from the drug. And if it comes your way it’s your choice to Not use. Alcohol and drug abuse is by CHOICE NOT FORCE.
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Thanks everyone for your great answers… it really helps not to feel alone and to know there are others out there who know what I fell like.
I’m on day 3, so far so good. Feeling depressed but trying hard to work against it. Tbh this week is not so hard as I got no “spare” money to buy anything but payday is coming end of next week so I’m a bit worried avout that day. But I made plans to be out and about which should help.
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I’d walk through the whole situation. What happened after I give in and go to the store:
I’ll drink
I’ll reason that today’s a write off and might all well go all in
I’ll feel like shop about giving in after about an hour and keep drinking because I’m feeling crappy
I’ll wake up feeling slow, hungover depressed, anxious, shame, and like a failure.
I’ll use all that negativity to tell myself I can’t do it, or may as well start next week since I already messed up this one and as a excuse to keep the cycle going.
Eventually I’ll have to start over at day 1. And week 1 etc. Who the hell wants to do THAT!
I’m finally able to remind myself that drinking only feel good for about 10 minutes between the drive to get a buzz and just being intoxicated. The whole other 23h50mins are usually shite.
When think about what I’ve built and accomplished sober and how much better life has been I’ve the past 10 months I do the real math and a drink just Isint worth the risk.
Same for cigarettes.
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