I was scared of hearing the thoughts in my head …
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Scared of social interactions. Intimacy.
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@TeejLazer and @Lionfish yeeep. I was genuinely surprised/scared the first couple weeks while I was realizing how it was involved in EVERY part of my life. Sad, angry, happy, bored, excited, scared, etc. Same for social situations. It didn’t matter what it was. Eventually alcohol wormed it’s way into every one.
Finding stuff to do was, and still is at times, tough. And I am scared I may f*** it up…but I take a breath. Think about a couple things I am grateful for. And keep moving.
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Reading these, I have to admit I do have a fear: staring into the bleak, empty nothing of the future. I see nothing ahead but my kids growing older and moving away, and being left alone. I don’t have family, and all my friends are far away or have busy, full lives of their own. I am afraid my life will be empty without alcohol. I’ve spent years only looking forward to one thing - drinking; Drinking with friends, with my ex-family, for holidays, for days off, for summer evenings, for winter nights, for weekends with endless possibilities and freedom to drink as much as I want, for vacations, for sad times, for celebrations, for gatherings small or large, for hiking in the woods, for walking downtown in a faraway city, for seeing long lost friends, for simply something to pass the time and keep me company. Without alcohol, I look forward to none of these things. That is scary.
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I can be short about that. I’m afraid of relapsing.
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I’m far from a recovery guru, but I think the addiction voice we “hear” might be skewing your views of your future. #cunning
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Oh, for sure. It skews everyone’s view in here, lol.
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Start thinking in terms of “virtues”. For me, there are three types: Resume, Eulogy, Legacy.
Resume: Those things we say about ourselves. Our self-image. What we “do” in our day-to-day.
Eulogy: Those things people say about us. This is the measure of our relationships
Legacy: What we leave behind, and how we’ve touched the lives of others.
I have found that when I started working on legacy virtues, the Eulogy and Resume virtues defined themselves.
But that’s just me. Your mileage may vary.
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I was scared that one I would fail and I was also scared at the thought of dealing with my feelings head on rather than self medicating like I was used to. I’m still scared of those things even 60 Days in.
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I am afraid of being lonely, never marrying, and never having children of my own. Being addicted to pornography has many consequences I don’t want to explore or admit, none of them good of course. I am afraid I will never change and that I will be as I am now forever.
Of course, I am thinking optimistically of the future, and I am on the course of change as we speak (we all are, aren’t we? 
) I am sure that as I take care of myself, the rest can start to fall into place just a bit easier.
…I guess now I am afraid of loosing sight of my goals, losing the ambition I currently have, and returning to my old self.
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