What my relapses have taught me

Knowledge
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Each relapse I learned more and more just wanted to share my list so far…

  • I have learned I can’t have one drink.
  • Ive learned if I am seeing a friend I haven’t seen in a while I should explain ahead of time that I dont drink anymore so that they have a heads up, that way I am not tempted.
    -I have learned any other drug is a gateway to alcohol and vice versa.
    -I have changed my view on alcohol to seeing it as a toxic poison.
    -Even one drink or drug is not sobriety and calls for a reset.
    -I learned to check in here if I really am going to drink or do drugs. I have yet to achieve that one but hopefully next time I do.

The most helpful thing I did to get sober was:
-I have slowly built a new life that I dont need drugs or alcohol to function in. (That was the first thing I started to do.)

What are some things you guys have learned or has helped you on your journey to sobriety?? I really hope this last one was my last relapse. But maybe there is more I can learn from others…

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Good question. For me, I think I am looking forward to the new me, I have been drinking for so long that this is all new to me so when I get an urge all I think about is how much effort I have put in that will go to waste if I relapse. Quitting is not easy, you take it day by day. You fight almost every day when you first start your journey to stay sober. I just think it would be a waste of time if after all that struggle to just give in and start again, don’t know that’s just me

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I fully condeded to my innermost self that im alcoholic. That means the first drink is the most dangerous drink.

Ive done enough research to know that without a doubt. Im hard headed and alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. So many relapses are part of my story.

I call my last relapse my final relapse. I quit giving myself permission to quit on myself.

My alcoholic thinking is always trying to find even the slightest opening to start the vicious cycle. So I have to constantly call myself on my bullshit.

I believe in the daily reprieve concept the big book of alcoholics anonymous talks about. Ive noticed within myself that if im moving forward trying to do the next right thing for my recovery, i generally feel better, and its easier to shoot down my alcoholic thinking.

H.a.l.t. hungry, angry lonely and tired. When thats out of whack. Im out of whack. My anxiety gets bad and stinking thinking gets louder and harsher.

What i did in the past for my recovery or know about recovery doesnt matter unless I use it, or practice it today.

I usually visit this forum first thing in the morning, throughout the day and before I sleep. Its easy to access and it keeps me foused on this app, which constantly reminds me that sobriety is my ultimate goal. I have support 24/7.

Even if I only have time to drop some memes, I come here and see the topics and remind myself of the ultimate goal.

I am responsible for my recovery. I cannot lose focus.

I have seen a person who had 34 years and work the 12 step program flawlessly slip and die from their relapse.

I tricked myself into thinking I was missing out on something with 9.5 years sobriety. I worked a solid program and still slipped. My slip lasted nine years. im lucky to be here and so grateful to be alive today.

Staying sober feels really good today. Im greatful to not be drunk/high or crave a drink today!
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Ive been spending the money i save drinking and drugging buying positive things that make me greatful to be sober. Like a nice camera, and fly rods for my kids. 20 bucks a day adds up. 20 bucks is a very modest number for what wasted on killing myself slowly.

Im glad your all here! We got today!:muscle:

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All of these responses are great, but your last point of spending $20/day to slowly kill yourself. I know exactly that that is what I’m doing. Gonna have to learn to love myself more. Not easy for some.

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I am RESPONSEABLE for my recovery and I can’t loose focus

I love this ,it so the truth of it . powerful I needed to read that it really touched me :v:

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Well 4 months ago I tried hanging myself so I’m glad Im still here, I thought I was just depressed I didn’t realize coke and alcohol was doing it to me either, I always hated drinking and how my mind was changing every time I would abstain and then go back my mind got worse. Ive learned that if I want to see what my future holds and if I’ll ever actually be something, I have this feeling I’m destined for something great and I’ve learned that if I give up this sobriety I won’t find out what it is. I’ve learned that I was weak and couldn’t handle life on life’s term and the only way I can be strong is sober.

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So many good points here! I feel like I could quote your whole response! I need to adopt the same attitude that I am responsible for my own recovery. H.a.l.t. is a really good one!!! Being tired is a huge trigger for me. Lonely is one I didnt even think of until now. Checking in on here really helps…& I love your memes by the way!!

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Loving yourself if a huge part of sobriety!!

@anon60334405 I am glad you didnt hang yourself, jeez yeah my addictions made me suicidal too. I felt like ending my life was my only escape. Every day before work I used to think about jumping off of the parking garage. I was so sad.

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Adding one more…

-trying to get sober and still having drugs or alcohol in the house is just asking for a relapse!! (I hid my DOC in the attic when I first tried to get sober and that caused a relapse, duhhh) They allll need to go down the drain!

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Me too. I always thought it was just depression in general I really didn’t realize it was the alcohol till I got sober. Still working on loving myself, but so far im liking who I’m becoming I can’t go back

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Relapses taught me that I have alcohol induced depression. My brain chemistry isn’t as severe without drinking.

They’ve also taught me that it’s never worth it at the end. The hangover, the anxiety, the depression, etc the list goes on.

They also taught me that I secretly inspired people. People I never really knew was paying attention would seem so disappointed when they saw a drink in my hand (not because they ever viewed me as a raging drunk before but because the things I’ve posted publicly or told them when first going sober about my reasons for sobriety etc) …

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I’m so glad you chose yourself and I’m happy you’re here too. Your presence on this forum is such a gift. You’re always spreading positivity and I get inspired by your hiking photo’s. Isn’t it amazing how crazy life is? In one moment life sucks only because of the frequency we’re operating on and then the next moment it’s full of hope and beauty because we decided to operate on a higher frequency. The kicker is that life isn’t changing one bit, we are.

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Thank you:) I really try to help and try to spread as much positive as I can. And so true, it really is wild how I’m changing. Sometimes I feel like I’m not but I am

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Reading all these helps a lot!

I was spring cleaning my clothing today. Organizing, sorting and getting rid things I dont wear. Normally when I do this, ill have a glass of wine while listening to music. As I started my chore, I started to want a glass of wine. I knew I couldnt give in. So I moved all my clothing into thw living room to go through, watched YouTube instead of listening to music and poured a sparkling water. It was still hard, so I opened up this app to read a few things.

Thank you!

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Glad you’re still here, friend :heart::heart::heart:

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I second that.:heart:

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Yes all those things 100%!! :raised_hands: You and @anon60334405 both mentioned the depression and its crazy when I was addicted I couldnt figure out why I was so depressed! I was reading books about depression trying so hard to get out of the hole I was in. I actually thought the drugs and alcohol were helping me. I was soooo wrong! I dont know what came first the depression or the addiction.

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It hasnt been easy for me. I chased the party lifestyle in search of good times. But in the long run, alcohol and drugs made me love myself less and less.

I still struggle to love myself all of the time. I have moments of extreme on both loving and despising myself. Somedays I feel confidant, others not so much.

But I’ve learned that a little self care goes a long ways in how I feel about myself.

And the more next right things that I do, even if they are small, add up into opportunities to do something better which helps my self confidence, self worth and build into moments that i do love myself.

Plus having a bad ass camera instead of being hungover wallowing in self loathing and regret because i thought it was going to control it better, hearing about all those shitty things i dont remember doing is pretty cool.

Watching my kids get be happy with their new gear helps me feel good about myself.

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I hear people say a belly full of aa and alcohol dont mix. I wish that was true for me. I shut recovery off. All i hear is lets go to the liquor store again. Lets get a bigger bag of dope.

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I agree. Zero alchohol in my house, and I’ve got no business in bars either. Staying away from drinking buddies too. Even the ones I love and care about.

Especially if they are alcoholics. They are good at tricking me into entertaining the idea that I wasnt that bad.

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