I know this is a usual question…I also pretty much feel the answer… But… Here it is anyway… I have several friend/ dealers… Do I have to eliminate them completely? Even if I know they’ll respect my wishes of NEVER dealing to me again? Because…IDK if I can do that… They’re good people and would respect my wishes… But of course, in the back of my stupid head, I’d always be thinking…
If I asked, I know they have it… Obviously, new to sobriety… I feel like I could con them into caving and that’s unfair to them and myself…
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I kinda think youve answered your own question but my advice is protect your sobriety at all costs…its your top priority, my doc was booze…for my first 3 months i went knowhere near it, didnt go to pubs or around anyone drinking, i didnt even give the booze aisle in the supermarket eye contact, im almost 9 months in now and im still only around people drinking if is close friends or family
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I guess, if they’re really my friend, they’ll understand? (Sesame Street style)
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But are they really your friends? And even when they are they are still dealers. Recovery means a new life. A total overhaul of ourselves and that includes our social circle. It’s not easy but it has to be done. Well you know. Success.
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Yes… I’m talking before addiction, introducing to wife, etc friends…
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I found that me and my husbands relationship with dealers died out quite quick. We found it was one way in the sense we were holding on to their ‘friendship’ cause it was might benefit to us and didnt want sobriety to dictate our friendships. It was almost like we didnt want to say goodbye to a friendship even being a toxic one.
They never came around or checked in in the end because we were doing something different i supose that seemed weird to them.
My husband went to school with one and used to go out on track days and he used to come over in the evenings. To get messed up to be honest. When we didnt want to get messed up he went off. So we realised the relationship was more about a messy lifestyle that a real friendship.
Maybe just take a step back and focus on wholesome things your health and sobriety and see what happens? It may not help having close friends about at the moment you know you can persuade to just give you a little bit or just a toke or whatever at the moment. If you really want to be around these friends then maybe meet in a completely new setting. Go climbing with them, out biking etc so its a complete change in dynamics of the friendship?
Best of luck to you and congratulations choosing sobriety 
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Basically you gotta put as much effort into staying sober as you did into your addiction
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Are dealers really nice people though? They are selling drugs that has the ability to destroy lives.
Personally, I’d phase these people out and make new friends that don’t sell drugs.
I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need to shed your old skin, and carve out a new sober life for yourself. Keeping yourself safe from harm has got to be your first priority.
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In the beginning i “let go” my drinking buddies. I told them why, that I couldnt be around alcohol. I learned real quick which ones were friends. The majority of them tried the “you arent an alcoholic”…looking back…they are the ones i generally paid for.
Yout question is a great question. My question is this. Are your friends dealers…or are your dealers friendly. You are a source of income for them.
An analogy. I work in retail…all my customers think they are my favorite people. Most of them, I probably would never talk to. I am friendly to them because the money they spend in my store, pays my payroll.
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People who sell drugs are not good people to begin with and if we condone their behavior we are not much better than them…
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Selling alcohol and selling addiction forming drugs is not totally fine though. Whether any of these things are legally sold or not, someone is profiting from them.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s the drug dealer on the corner, government duties, or the pharmaceutical companies. All are aware they are selling / allowing the sale of something harmful, and potentially life destroying. It’s beautifully designed. They all make money, yet if you become addicted it’s because you’re weak, and it’s all your fault.
None of it is fine, it’s twisted.
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I wish it was just down to advertising, although that is a major part of the problem. I feel cheated, because many of us are indoctrinated into a life of alcohol. It’s a cult I never signed up for.
From the cradle to the grave it’s all about alcohol in Ireland, and I know it’s similar in the UK. Every occasion you can think of we drink, and also just because. I even had whiskey rubbed on my gums when I was teething. ‘Thimble of whiskey will sort her right out’.
Why were we always given the impression that alcohol is something everyone does, and if you don’t then you’re weird or boring. And when you’re a full blown alcohol here, watch the wording… ‘he likes to drink more than is good for him’… or, ‘hes a bit too fond of the drink’. It’s never the alcohols fault, it’s the person. I’m not accepting that anymore.
I can stop NOW because I’ve unplugged from ‘the matrix’, I know now that it’s harmful. But I wasn’t always in control. Sure how could you be, when you started from the cot.
I’m ranting a bit, but I’m not angry with you at all. Maybe if I was told by my parents and schools that alcohol is dangerous and carcinogenic I would have never gotten this far. Only in recent times has it been announced that no amount of alcohol is safe for consumption. What a joke. No point telling me now when I’m trying to fight off relapses.
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Rather than get into a “malem Prohibitum vs. Malem in se” discussion, maybe look at this from a higher level: your relationship to these people includes drugs to a greater or lesser degree. Since you are attempting to get free of addiction, I’m guessing the drugs were a big part of your relationship.
When I was really involved in politics, all of my friends were political. When I was a Marine, all my friends were Marines. When I was a cyclist, all my friends were cyclists. Now I am a martial artist, and all my friends are martial artists.
My advice is to work your sobriety, and don’t put any effort into maintaining those friend/dealer relationships. Find new sober hobbies and passions. I’m gonna bet that your old friends still in that life will drift away quickly, and you will meet new friends.
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Ah my friend - You are conflicted mainly because you know the right answer and possibly you were hoping that you might get a different answer here. No one is bad or evil but when we start our path in sobriety we do need to focus on us above all else. We do need to change up our friends / acquaintances, habits and routines etc… If you are already thinking that your friends/ dealers will cave if you are really craving then that mentality alone will lead you to relapse.
In my opinion - you do need to leave your friends/ dealers and start your life with a new circle of friends. This will be hard I know but so necessary for your sobriety.
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In the short run, you have to protect yourself…whatever that means to you. I think it’s a pretty individual thing. For example, having friends and family over to my house for a cookout and pool party where most everyone is drinking besides me doesn’t really bother me and I’m not triggered…I can jump in the pool…I can play some cornhole…I can grab a burger off the grill or whatever. I have other options and outs besides just sitting there drinking alcohol.
On the other hand, I have a group of guys and we have a “book club” for which we have a book, movie, and album of the month and then we get together to discuss…but mostly to drink. Our meetings are always at a bar or brewery and I have told them that I won’t be attending for awhile because I’m not drinking right now and there’s frankly no way I’m just sitting in a bar or brewery for 2-3 hours and not drinking…I might possibly make it past the first round before giving in.
Among this group of guys is my former college roommate…my best friend…and he was the best man at my wedding. I’ve known him almost 30 years and our relationship will continue to be strong. Others in the group are guys I’ve met along the way…we are “friends” in the sense that we are friendly and we all have a lot in common and we all like to hang out, but I don’t really know what the future will hold for our relationships. I’m sure some will pass and some will continue. This seems to be the way of most adult friendships in general. Situations change, people change, and people move on or the relationship shifts, etc.
That is to say, in the long run, I think these things tend to sort themselves out on their own and it’s unnecessary (and unproductive) to do a lot of hand wringing about an unknown future. It’ll all come out in the wash and what will be, will be. In the short term, protect yourself…whatever that means to you.
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Without reading responses my answer is yes, move on from them. There is only trouble there.
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That’s the thing for me though, they don’t use what I do… They never pressure me or anything… I’ve even instructed them to not give me anything for awhile (just lie and say you don’t have any) and they do… But… Eventually… after that time, I ask… Like the weak POS I am… I think I’ll try to just get a month clean before resuming any kind of friendship…Ty for your comment!
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I can’t run… Like you, friends for near 20 yrs… I’m not going to abandon them because I’m weak… They’ve never pressured me, don’t even use what they sell me… I’m hoping after a clean month I can resume the friendship… But leaving and never coming back isn’t an option…TY for your comment!
One part is, that it’s good they are okay with your wishes. But other part is what you said.
I had ex best friend, who is drug addicted and for my own safety I left him. I don’t know what would happen, if I didn’t do that, but in deep of my heart I feel that something would happen if very bad. So I’m glad I left him, even if it hurted a lot.
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Avoid avoid avoid. “Friends” are really truly hard to find, easy to lose and harder to keep. But then again, I’m 50.
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