Today is my second day not drinking. I’ve stopped before and tend to go back to drinking once I feel amazing. It’s like two extremes…with no balance. I’m not comfortable in my own skin, anxious, self sabotaging, and internally sad. I’ve mastered a great mask that no one around me knows my daily internal suffering and struggles. I over think, and live in a world of “should” thinking. You should have, or shouldn’t have…(fill in anything there). Constantly comparing myself to others and where I feel like I should be in life. However, becoming stagnant because I get so overwhelmed with everything my sick brain says I need to fix. I feel like everything is work and I can’t find a place to just live. When I’m not drinking my energy becomes real high, and with that, my brain is all over the place. Here I go…I know I should incorporate walking, eating healthier, yoga, meditation, but once I start my mind says…you don’t enjoy this… you’re doing it because you have to and it then feels like a chore that I then rebel against.
Congrats on two days sober
That is a great accomplishment!
I know what you mean about all the extra energy. For me, it actually feels good. I’ve been in a fog for way too long.
Don’t listen to the negative thoughts in your head, they’re trying to distract you, comparing you to other people…who cares?
You walk your own path, stay open to all the positive things that may come your way , you wouldn’t want to miss them!
Enjoy the journey!
Thank you! I actually got out of bed after posting that and went for a walk…alone. I took pictures of flowers I saw along the way. Not a bad start to the day. Still dealing with the should’s …should of had tea instead of coffee…what is that? It’s like I’m constantly judging myself for every little thing.
I believe that when we are feeling like everything is a chore, is a « I should do, but I don’t or it’s hard », it might be related to something else than the actual activity. First, you might be tired. Seriously , at my day 2 of sobriety and for even the first month, I was really tired. Sometime it’s not just physical, but psychological. I mean, every time you think about anything alcohol-related, you have to trick your mind and find another path of cognitive-behaviour! That’s exhausting.
Second, people tend to have less motivation in general actions when the goal is not clear or not defined. The more the goal is defined and accepted (wanted), the easier the path seems. For exemple my first goal with booze what « to not drink ». I failed. Many times. Because it didn’t make sens like that. I was questioning it all the time. Because the real goal of sobriety is not to not drink, it’s, for me, being well and sane. It also has a purpose with what I want to do in my professional life (which I could never do if I keep drinking) and in my relationship (which a lot ended because of alcool). So anyways, once my goal was more defined then “do not drink”, everything got easier, because I was “laser-focused” on one thing, my well-being.
All this to say… it’s might look hard to do your stuff, but if you do it with purpose it might get easier. So maybe you can take your time, reflect on what could help you achieve what you want (and yeah, what do you want exactly?), but don’t over do it: it’s ok to be tired, and at the end of the day we all have to go to sleep.
Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day
What do I do with the extra energy? Be better. Be a better spouse, parent, employee, minister, martial artist, student of history.
All those good things that I have a passion for, that will do the most good for me and mine, that’s where it goes.
Keep getting better at getting better each and every day!
Exercise releases endorphins which gives you a natural high. Once your body realizes that you will begin to love being active. Volunteering is also a great outlet for new found motivation
I hope this helps, it helped me a lot this week. I too get the “shoulds” like I’m never good enough and I should always be doing more. I was trapped in my mind of shoulds this week and getting so down on myself. I’ve been writing a list of things that need to get done, stuff coming up and I even wrote a list of things I did that day to make me realize I’m doing more than I thought. Still struggling I finally said eff this! I’m making a list of things I want to do! Whether it was long term, or something I can incorporate into my daily/weekly schedule, even a cleaning schedule so I don’t feel overwhelmed each day I clean just something more routine, setting time aside for each of our kids, my shoulds are editing so putting aside a time specifically for editing means I don’t dwell on it each week or each day and I just get it done because all my wants and needs are getting done too. Anyway I was surprised how much better I felt just writing a to do list for me. If I want my life to be more fulfilling I have to add fulfilling things to my daily schedule so it’s not only shoulds I’m focused on.
I lived in a permanent state of uneasiness about myself before. I relate to you a lot, and drinking was like a way out of my personal misery. Maybe that was the very reason why I drank in the first place. To sober up, is after all, an inner journey. To look into yourself and really ask what’s going on! How did I end up like this? I think it’s mostly because we have been oblivious to ourselves, neglectful. Alcohol was a quick fix so we didn’t have to deal with it. But if you take a final decision and commit to your recovery no matter what. There’ll come a point - a limit to be crossed - where it all ceases. It will be a struggle against mind and body at first, sometimes you might think, what is the point? To lock myself up like this, cut off from the rest of the world! But it pays off! Just to persist even though you’re doing nothing, stagnant as you said.
I don’t feel uneasy about myself anymore, I’m confident! Been doing new things, taking care of myself. There are so many things to do, to put your energy into. The list goes on and on.