It’s hard to share it but since I started 3 years and 3 months ago, I’ve not yet gone more than 15 days without PMO.
Day 4 right now and proud of it. I haven’t made much progress as far as counting days, but making leaps and bounds in therapy and coaching that mean so much more to my sobriety than a number.
That being said I’m still excited for that 3 weeks mark - they say it takes 21 - 28 days to really break a bad habit. I think I’ll feel so much more confident over that hump.
Nothing personal again you but this statement you heard is harmful bullshit. It takes weeks and months and days and years of dedicated work unearthing and facing your true feelings, wishes, fears and fantasies to learn how to live life somewhat consciously and without the constsnt need to obliterate yourself. It is possible and you can get there by doing that work with yourself and a therapeutic professional, if peer support and self examination won’t get you there (didn’t get me there). What will not work is to wait out some magical (=random) number of days. Whiteknuckling is not recovery. It’s not about time, it’s about what needs to be done in that time.
I remember my one month. Forever I hadn’t thought I could, then I started thinking I might be able to actually change. And I have continued to change since then, thankfully.
That’s why I haven’t been pushing too hard to get the numbers yet! But there is a physiological response, especially with pornography and masturbation, that is significantly lessened after this time. It’s a different drug.
Thanks for your cautionary input! I’m specifically talking about habits and lifestyle changes, apart from my work in therapy.
I’d hate to lead someone astray with a comment about numbers being the route to sobriety. It’s certainly not been my experience.
I apologise, I obvs didn’t read your post correctly and you didn’t need my lecture. Maybe someone else can benefit anyway.
I still think tho that PMO just like any other addictive habit (drinking is a habit, being drunk is the consequence, shopping is a habit, the satisfaction of having shopped, having provided, is the consequences, avoiding food is the habit, lightheadedness and a feeling of having done good the consequence) is more than that. They all have function and meaning. And our way to understanding will eventually alleviate the compulsive urge. Just like you say, therapy and learning about ourselves are much, much more important than a specific number of days. I do think it’s a joint effort tho, abstaining and working it all out, best we can.
Congratulations on your sobriety and new baby!
My biggest milestones were 10 days and 5 months. 10 days because I read somewhere that alcohol stays in the system up to 10 days, so I felt like I was free of the substance then. And I stumbled at the 3 or 4 month mark a couple of times, so 5 months was massive for me.
I think all the milestones are huge but theres a couple big events that really stood out for me.
The one big event that was a turning point for me is when i first said no to using drugs (and kept saying no after that). That was a milestone for me bcuz i was known to never turn down an opportunity to use. Saying no and continuing on with my recovery (now at 566 days clean and sober) was a huge accomplishment for me.
And when i eventually reach my 3 years clean and sober, that will be the biggest milestone bcuz the last time i had 3 years clean, i relapsed shortly after. So achieving that goal of 3 years will be a HUGE turning point for me also.
