What was your "I will not live MY life this way" moment?

Hello everyone!

I would like to hear what was “the straw that broke the camels back” for you? What made this time different then other attempts? What have you changed to be more successful?

I have 82 days free from nicotine. I, attempted numerous times to stop! I knew i hated it and everytime i smoked; I would have to shower and brush my teeth. It was so exhausting. Then, one day i read about what cigars and ciggarettes consist of, and that was it for me. I, knew tobacco products had harmful chemicals and such, however, i never dug into looking into it. That day, i decided to dig deeper. After, I realized i did not hate myself as much as i thought. I stopped poisoning myself and took on withdraw symptoms. It was rough for about twenty days, but now I feel like i have control over myself and feel SO much better!
For everyone battling with themselves; DO NOT GIVE IN! You deserve to be happy! Treat yourself right. You’re loved! :heart:

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I’ve had a few sort of rock bottoms over the past 22 years. There were a few overdoses that happened, that afterwards I was certain that I would never use again. Or some other traumatic event that would wake me up to the “reality” of my past lifestyle. Then a week or so would go by and I’d end up using again etc.
I am currently 101 days clean and sober. I think the biggest wake up call for me was this time around… the fact that I knew in my heart something was going to happen to me very soon (physically or mentally), due to using. Probably for a month or 2 before I quit I just felt that feeling that my time was running out. Over 22 years I relapsed more times than I could count but I always knew I had another chance at recovery. Of course it bothered me to relapse but inside I knew I had another chance. Near the end (this time around) before I quit, I was seriously getting concerned. Mentally I couldn’t handle it anymore being awake for days or feeling like crap along with those excruciating negative emotions we feel. My body wasn’t handling it very well. I was having really not good thoughts and there was 1 night in particular where I thot I was going to mentally snap. Even though I was using, my life had gotten alot better over the past 7 years despite using drugs. I wasn’t doing the things or the other drugs I used to do way back then. So during the past 7 years, I did have things to lose and I had people in my life who cared for me. And I didn’t want to lose that for what?! For a temporary high that causes me more grief and pain and suffering than anything I could ever imagine? I cared about my life and about being alive, so when this inner cloud of a feeling came over me that this use may be my last time, it scared me. Bcuz I truly didn’t want to die. I’m grateful I listened to my heart when it was giving me some serious signs to stop. Enough is enough :slight_smile:

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When I lied straight to my daughter’s face that I hadn’t been drinking as I stood up from the table and stumbled over to grab onto the counter before I fell over.

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When I felt flatfaced at the coffeetable smashing the burning candles on the floor and could’t get up.

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When I realized I spent almost 3 years doing nothing but going to work, then coming home to get drunk. Trapped in a cycle of fear and hopelessness, alone and emotionally dead.

As I read what others had been through in addiction, I realized in my heart that I was planning to be defeated. Planning for all the things that hadn’t happened to me yet. That I had given up and not even noticed.

So I said, fuck it. If I’m really that defeated and really don’t care, why not try this recovery thing completely instead? It couldn’t possibly be worse than what I was already doing.

I dove in head first willing to try anything. And I’ll be damned, it finally worked! Little by little, life was balanced and worth living again.

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Mine was Sunday Dinnergate.
I drank wine whilst cooking a SD, got absolutely plastered, can’t remember finishing cooking, serving it, eating it. No idea if I did any of those things, I can’t remember anything. I was really embarrassed the next day and decided that is enough. All my kids, 18, 21 and 22 were there!
My partner didn’t speak to me for about a week. I’ve not drank since.

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On meth pills, waking up to find my body covered in open sores that I’d picked, sat in middle of garbage-strewn room. Hallucinating.

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For me it was when i thought id hit rock bottom, and there was another rock underneath that one and if i didnt change id be buried underneath the rocks piling up around me dead.

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Day 1 again today.

My rock bottom: There have been many. I know I drink to escape. I know I need to get therapy for unresolved trauma. Self medicating just makes it all worse. I am terrified of therapy.

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Mine was waking up in hospital bed after I survived a suicide attempt… When the doctors don’t know how you survived. It was my turning point… I feel blessed even when I have low days I know just around the corner there is a brighter day.

Wouldn’t be where I am now, helping others and giving back. So I’m thankful for my life and fucking blessed

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My turning point was when I had nobody to reach out to but God himself. Drugs brought me to to the lowest point in my life. I would work just to get high. I was seeing things in the the spiritual world, I mean spiritual hell and that’s scary. Today I know God is on my side. My life has been saved many times, and I owe God my life and to do his will. Today I’m 6 months clean and will live a better life

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I used to say there were a few times I thought I’d hit bottom but I realized I could keep digging until I hit my own casket.

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I lost everything including my children. I overdosed and woke up in the hospital. I was mad they woke me up. I went to Rehab, and was reminded of God’s grace. My children are home now, I’m a working , single mother now, and living my best life. God is so good. :pray:

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I was “scared of therapy” but ya know what? It is not actually therapy we are scared of, it is the trauma we carry around with us that we are affraid to let go of.
Give yourself permission to let go of those anchors holding you down! :heart:

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I am glad you’re here! And you’re so right about saying there is always a brighter day ahead. :heart:

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God is good, i agree! I am happy to hear you’re doing well. :heart: Keep it up!

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God is good! :heart: Congrats on six months; you’re doing SO well! Keep it up! :smiley:

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I am glad you’re not in that horrible existance anymore! :heart:

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The most recent was when my son called his mom and left my house bawling with her because he was scared I was gonna die that night from alcohol. That, among other things, had to be told to me the next day since I was blacked out for all of it. That’s what hurt the most though. I knew I was killing myself and had pretty much given up. I was too stupid and selfsh to realize how much I was hurting my boy as well.

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I am happy to hear you realized you hurt your family. That speaks volumes that you made a decision to stop drinking for yourself and them! Keep up the hard work!

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