What would you do? (Social situation coming up)

Okay… any opinions?
This weekend my boyfriend and I were invited to go away to our friends’ place (they are a married couple) that live a 4 hour drive away.
In the past, getting together with them usually involved a lot of drinking and a lot of eating. We don’t see them often and I know my boyfriend misses his best friend. I really feel like we need to go because of that. And we really do have a good time when we get together but I am an alcoholic and I also have an eating disorder so the implicit drinking and eating is really really scaring me. Also we will probably go to the pool and recently I have gained 5-10 pounds and I’m feeling self conscious on top of feeling fragile with alcohol and food.
I am serious about getting sober from both of these issues. How could I possibly survive this? My boyfriend is aware of my alcohol problem and my eating disorder. I wish I could just suck it up and tough out one weekend but I think we all here know that that is not always possible. If I want to do well I would probably have to verbally set boundaries beforehand. Idk what would you do? Thanks.

If you do not trust yourself of staying sober there, I wouldn’t go if I were you. I would wait untill I’m stronger and feel more comfortable about it.

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I think I agree with @SoberWalker I would cancel and wait till I was feeling much better, your health and happiness is far more important. X

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Do you have any other friends or family in that area? You could than visit for a while and escape if it’s going right?
Are you guys close enough to share that you are in recovery? Maybe the would support you?
As for the 5 pounds… you are probably the only one to notice.
That being said, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t risk it.

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Good morning!
I’ve had an eating disorder and a drink disorder though not at the same time.
I personally know I’d not make it through that situation without stumbling on one or both of those if I did not have a firm hold on my sobriety or food issues.
Whether anyone else notices the 5 pounds is never the problem with an eating disorder, is it. It’s because we notice and obsess in an unhealthy way.
Do what feels most likely to keep you sane and sober and keep this app handy if you go.

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As other people have said, you gotta think of you!
If you feel that you won’t be comfortable then it probably best not to go.
If your partner understands, then you can now out gracefully with some illness and your partner can go on his own.
It’s entirely up to you though. But think about it, hard.

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You come first always. I wouldn’t go.

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If I was in early recovery, I would send my partner and I’d stay home and read, tbh.

Now, I’d be fine with an event like this but that’s me personally. I’d plan elaborate snacks and meals that felt safe for me. For me in my ED recovery, it’s depends on the day what that means so I’d probably Pinterest a bunch of ideas and then decide on a shopping list right before. That would keep me busy, which is key for me.

Remember this is ONE time of seeing them. You’ll see them again, if you need to skip it to stay sober, skip it!

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Ugh, I feel your pain. My husband and I have moved to Florida from up north. We spent a lot of time (mostly drinking) with a couple who we are both close with. In the past, I have tried to quit drinking and spend time with them and have been jokingly called “no fun Holly”. The sad part is that it’s true. I am super stiff and self conscious socially without a drink and quite a lot of fun with one. I finally understand that entertaining them is not worth the days of depression and anxiety that follow. I want them to come. I love them. I will just be “no fun holly”. In fact, I may even get a T-shirt made LOL. If they don’t enjoy me they can stay home next time. Good luck with whatever you decide. My heart is with you. The only recommendation I could give is a trick that my therapist gave me. She teaches me mindfulness. When I’m feeling anxious I stop and look around me for reflections/shadows and really notice what they look like and how that light makes them happen. It helps me. :four_leaf_clover:

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I can relate a lot to your addictions. I personally wouldn’t go. Why don’t you suggest your boyfriend goes without you and you take a weekend to reflect on where you’re at in your journey and where you want to be?

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In early recovery I babied my sobriety and myself and made being sober my #1 priority. I missed quite a few important events and get togethers because I knew I wasn’t ready to be in those types of situations.

Put yourself first and stay home and relax, pamper yourself, sleep, rejuvenate. This is an important time to take care of yourself and know your current limitations. As your sober muscles grow, you will be able to socialize more freely…but til then, you need to be gentle with your self and your sobriety.

:heart:

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Think of it this way, you are recovering and like all recoveries, it is a process that has certain requirements.

If you were recovering from a major surgery, would you go? How about recovering from a major illness?

It’s ok to say no, especially if it may save your life.

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I have thought a lot about telling them about my recovery. I havent purposely told people about a recovery effort in like 10 years, and it was really hard and uncomfortable. I kind of suffered silently for a long time. Do you have any advice about telling people? Maybe I could do it in a better way this time around.

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Well said. I am not going to make my decision lightly!

Yes, having both of these problems is difficult because they just egg each other on. And recovery for the eating disorder - for me I need to get more comfortable with going out and eating like a burger at a restaurant, but recovery for alcoholism for me means avoiding going out so I avoid alcohol at the restaurant :weary: hahaha.

I really appreciate your comment. I love this story so much. I like the idea of just owning my “no fun” self at parties or social events and doing my own thing!

I’m glad :blush:
We can be no fun together!

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I really appreciate this list! I’m going to save it for the future.

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I think that is a good idea and a good way to put it! Thanks!

Update: my boyfriend decided on his own to cancel because he forgot about Father’s Day, so we will be visiting his father instead (which is a low key and not worrisome situation). I am really glad I posted this though, thanks for your feedback, everyone. It probably would have been a better idea to not go anyway.

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