Honestly, I dont see a point in being on the earth anymore. I dont have any motivation to get out of bed and the things I used to love like food and watching YouTube videos dont interest me anymore. I’ve been cutting and having panic attacks a lot recently and I just want it all to stop.
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I’m very sorry to hear that 
, I know how difficult times are right now with everything going on, and even though I don’t know you personally I’m all to familiar with thoughts of suicide abd feeling like this world is hopeless. I would just drink abd succumb more into the darkness… thinking… REALLY thinking it was an escape …but all it was …an illusion in fact all I did was five deeper into the abyss. It wasn’t until I hit Rick bottom mentally and emotionally and I saw was I doing was affecting not only me but also my loved ones that I finally decided to get help. Long story short I’m 7 months sober right now and I learned - thru AA and the Twelve steps- too step of myself ,my self pity and try to live not just for me but live to help others …in whichever way possible. Sometimes we can be so locked in our heads that we forget to see he cup half full instead of empty …I honestly don’t know what you are going thru ,and if you want continue to contact me and vent , sometimes all we need is someone to listen and help us feel like we are being seen …see that we exist …I hope you read this and I hope you stay pushing forward abd too heat from you . Life is worth living , even when it seems so cruel and selfish.
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You’re here Asher. That means something. It’s good to see you. I’m sorry for the troubles you’re having with life. And yes, life can be hard. Like Johasy says life is worth living. We can only find that out by becoming and staying sober and clean. Which is hard work in itself. We might help you with that. But you might need some more help with fighting the suicidal thoughts. You got some help with that or know how the get some? Please know you are not alone Asher. Lots of good folks here helping each other. Be safe.
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You see? @Mno and @Johasy_Toribio care enough about you to reach out to you, myself included. All of us were in the same boat you’re in. We all reached out here, on this wonderful App and others reached out to us and saved us from ourselves. We realized that we weren’t alone. We’re here for you buddy. All of us! You’re not alone!
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Hey Asher, where abouts in the world are you?
In the UK the Samaritans have a phone line where they will listen, any time of any day, 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
There is also a website and app called The Mighty which is specifically for mental health that you may find useful.
If you look up self harm or cutting in the search bar 
you will find others here who will be able to relate to how you’re feeling. You’re definitely not alone 
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My dear, I can relate to how you feel as I felt like this when I was younger. It is a horrible suffocating feeling that is overwhelming and blind us to the beauty and miracles of life.
I know that the lockdown is intensifying a lot of our bad feelings. But I know that, like everything in life, these feelings will pass.
You are so important and your life matter so much. You have so much to offer to the world and you have so much to receive.
In challenging times is hard to see but you rest assured that the universe/ higher power put you in this world for a reason. Respect how you feel but at the same time try to cultivate faith in your heart, think about beautiful moments you lived, your loved ones, pets, look at how perfect nature is, hold on to those memories and feelings.
Try to look for other things that bring you joy explore - listen to music, watch a comedy, read an interesting book, try yoga, try meditation, listen to the birds (you can hear them loud and clear without so many airplanes flying), go for a walk, write on a journal, talk to people - post here we care about you- find a support group.
It sounds artificial to look for joy, but once you begin trying you will see a shift in your mindset and in your reality.
I can tell you from my own experience of fighting my demons/ addictions it is so worth it and you will come out on the other side so much stronger and wiser. I know my demons were my biggest teachers they hurt me so much but I can say that without them I would not be where I am - better and with inner peace.
Be safe, be well, know you are loved and that you matter.
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I’ve been using this app for 3 months and this is the first time I’ve seen the forum. Your post is the first I saw. I fully believe that means something. Your life must be incredibly difficult, especially now when we’re forced to isolate with only our thoughts. Just like you can tell any other hater to stop their bullying, please tell those inner negative thoughts to bug off. You’re here because you’re meant to be. There’s another young trans person who needs to hear your story of survival. You are not alone in any of this.
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Good morning, Asher.
Do you mind if I ask how old you are? Do you have a support system?
Have you tried using the alternate actions, instead of self-harming? When my son was cutting, we pulled out all of the tools: Writing on yourself with a red sharpie, holding an ice cube in your mouth as long you can, cutting paper or cardboard after writing on it, screaming or punching into pillows, etc.
I am glad you are here and fighting for yourself! 
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I dont know how to get any. Before the lockdown I would see my school counselor for my mental health but now that I graduated, 3 days ago, I can’t do that anymore.
It’s weird to think that complete strangers care about me.
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The United states
Thanks and I will try those things (:
Thank you (:
I’m 17 and no, I dont have a support system. I’ve also never tried those alternatives. My friends told me to do the rubber band method, when I younger, but that didn’t work but, I will try the ones you mentioned.
Congratulations on graduating, that is something to be proud of for sure. I know for me, the combination of finishing something that occupied most of my time (school) and the also being in the middle of lockdown in a pandemic in isolation with a complete lack of knowledge about the future, would be a recipe for depression and anxiety. Is there someone you could talk to like a doctor? Perhaps your former help at school could point the way to a therapist who could help you sort through what you’re feeling?
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Thank you. I don’t have contact with the counselor I had at school and doctors are hard to come by now a days since I don’t have transportation to get there.
I’m not in the US, but I just googled this and read up on it a little bit and it looks like a good trustworthy resource to me: https://www.translifeline.org/hotline . Might be worth to give it a look and try Asher.
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Thank you, I will try it 
No car needed. Most doctors or psychologists/counselors are doing telemedicine.
I tried contacting several different support networks and they all failed or wasn’t what I needed. Mental health in the U.S. is horrible. I was about to give up on getting help when I finally made the right phone call.
Keep looking for resources and dont get too discouraged.
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