What helps drive you? What is the “it” that keeps you going in the right “sober” direction? Mediation and inspirational quotes help me alot.
“The distant part of the sky always seems clearest, so that we’ll always strive to reach it” - Kenshin
“If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got” - my Dad
I’m not married or have kids so my family and friends and most “lately” my pets are what’s been my kick in the pants.
Hope everyone is doing good and healthy. This virus will pass and we’ll all be free in no time. Keep up the good fight all.
My drive is my mental health. I’m a raging shit show when I’m drinking. I couldn’t recover from my mental health issues while drinking, and my drinking made my dependence on benzos become a life altering obsession. It also made it so all the medications I tried in the past basically useless, and created terrible side effects and had me risking my life everyday. Benzos and alcohol… I don’t know how I’m alive, honestly. Throw seroquel into that mix and, for the love of everything, I have NO clue how I’m still here.
My mental health became a million times worse and now I have to deal with the fact that even though I’m sober there is a lot more struggle because I permanently made them worse by my actions. I won’t do it anymore, I will NOT fuck with my mental health anymore. I will accept the consequences of my actions and live my best life forever. And forever starts with just for today.
I do a lot of reflecting on the past. I think about how the good times led to bad times and how the good times were always temporary, or I imagine them being better than they were. Its the illusion that I’m missing out on all the fun that I have to keep real. I have to focus on the fact that I cant stop until it becomes life threatening. I have a lot of memories to reflect on where I took it to far.
I’ve been participating in interests that I wouldn’t do sober. I spend money that would have been spent on alcohol or drugs on positive things. When I’m doing any of those things it helps me feel grateful that I’m sober.
Sometimes its simple, like right now. I’m up early, well rested, and I get to start my day doing activities that help me stay focused on why I choose sobriety. Its stormy, and I get the day off work to take care of myself. I don’t take care of myself when I’ve been drinking. I create storms, instead of enjoying them. I love sunrises in sobriety. I was oblivious to them loaded, or I was disappointed because it meant I didn’t sleep again.
My motivation is how freaking good I feel…mentally, emotionally, physically. I spent a LONG time using drugs and alcohol and like @Meggers I was a real shit show by the end…especially my inner life.
It is very similar to how fabulous it felt to kick nicotine and cigarettes…so freeing…so aha! this is what life can feel like…this is what I can feel like.
Even better…I am working on my recovery (aka mental health) and that brings me a calm and peace preciously unattainable or lost in the haze of substance abuse.
Distance, I want to get as far away as I can from a person I don’t want to be and leave behind a life I don’t want to live.
Maybe that’s why they call them mile stones?
I hear you @Meggers You took the words right out of my mouth. I could not of described my situation concerning alcohol/addiction any more accurately. I feel like I’m the poster child for incomprehensible demoralization when I was in my active addictions. My drive in life now is the quest for peace and serenity in my recovery and sobriety
Thanks for bringing this thread, and my response, back to the light of day. I needed to read my own words today. Stress and anxiety are mounting, I have an epic case of the life fuckits, and I needed to see my own passion and gratitude today.
And for anyone who is concerned when I say life fuckits I do not mean sobriety fuckits. What I mean is I’m being asked to do too much with my job because covid has really messed up everything in my industry and I’m crawling into a black hole for protection. That black hole is not my addiction. That black hole is a place of constant distraction from the immense stress. But reading this has given me a bit of strength.
I just read your post again today aswell and as usual am blown away by the power of your words, Megan. I am grateful you’re here and such an inspiration!
Wishing you strenght and perseverance for your struggles and dealing with the stresses. Hope your dark place can feature a comfy pillow or two and maybe a hot bathtub or whatever helps you. x
Thank you, love. The emotional and mental struggle is very fucking real right now and the reminder that this may all serve to help others down the line is incredibly helpful.
