I’ve been trying to get back on my sobriety now for a year … I had a year before my relapse I was drunk everyday for ten years … that one year sobriety felt amazing then all the sudden just gone … I had a drunk night on Friday and I went overboard… I literally drank four bottles of wine … the next day I felt as if my body was gonna die … I couldn’t get off my bed unless I had to throw up and I would shiver back into my bed … i really feel like I had alcohol poisoning , I’m lucky I’m still alive … I’m scared shitless I don’t want to feel or be or go back to how I was …
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After 4-5 years of heavy/alcoholic drinking, I couldn’t stand the withdrawal symptoms during the day and the cloudy state of mind I was constantly in.
I wanted my old self back, even if my true sober self went way back to my teenage years.
Day 51 today, what has really surprised me is that we forget how horrible we were/felt in our addictions and want to go back to them.
Almost how mothers completely forget the pain and suffering of pregnancy, but still want to have more children.
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It has always been in the back of my mind to stop - but as many it was only a short thought then fear started kicking in for me that how could i stop " i love drinking tooooooo much".
So i made the call on the 31st of October this year to pull myself towards myself, after visiting a friend which husband doesnt drink. All of us were pissed and the hubby was just sitting there and i started chatting to him. We stayed up till 4am and so did he.
He gave me very sound advice and surprisingly in my drunk state I could remember every word.
The one thing that stood out for me is that you are a way better person if you arent drunk and can achieve a whole lot more in life without being pissed.
I’m now on day 35 and enjoying this new journey, sure i might relapse but i trust i have the tools to make me a better person.
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Thank you for your advice … I appreciate your write back to me … I’m so ready to move on , forward and live without it …
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For me i knew i was ready when the anxiety of the night before kept me in bed hiding from the world. To scared to check my phone and see people judging me for how much of a mess I was. I’m recently trying again but the fear fromm the other night is crippling.
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I always knew I wanted to stop But the breaking point for me was (and I’m ashamed to admit this) I punch my girlfriend and attacked her physically. She woke up the next morning with two black eyes and bruises on her body.
I had always thought I was only a danger to myself, which I was fine with (low self esteem) It was knowing I had hurt someone I care about deeply. I haven’t looked back since.
So thank for for my moments of clarity.
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The anxiety was the worst. I would cry and not say a single word. I would hide my phone and not want to see a soul. It was so hard to be human when you hated yourself so much.
Waking up each morning knowing I made ever decision I did sober and clear headed is so worth being on the journey.
I hope you anxiety clears. I’m here for you!
I did it for two huge reasons. My family and my health. Been a heavy drinker for 20 years. It could have ripped my family apart, but my high functioning alcoholism somehow kept up a real Jeckel & Hyde routine going. Ultimately living a lie though. Luckily I have the most wonderful wife and son in the world. Second, when the doctor tells you you need to stop drinking because you may have an inflamed fatty liver, you have destructive enzymes seeping into your blood stream, and dangerous high blood pressure you’d think that would do it. To think I continued to drink heavily for another 18 months after being told all these things…
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