Today is day 5. The most rewarding feeling came this morning - I woke up & KNEW today was already so much better bc yesterday not only did I stick to my sobriety but I didn’t make the choice out force or opportunity, such as:
- Having to pick up my child
- Knowing that I was going to see my mother or my spouse and they would know by the look at my eyes or by smelling me.
- Having extra time that I could steal away
BUT I drove home and hour early on a Friday and didn’t go by the store or stop at a bar !!!
Relevance: this year alone I have done two different months of sobriety one in January and one August, when I broke my sobriety each time I’ve went off into different rabbit holes of darkness that really have uncovered alcoholism that I never knew was there.
I have all my own personal reasons for why alcohol has reared its ugly head when I’m almost 38 years old or maybe I’ve just never noticed because society sort of uses alcohol as a badge of honor…
All I know is a dream of being alcohol free a dream of being sober and not needing it ever since reading that book by Annie Grace about your subconscious mind and alcohol—- it’s all I can do but to know how much of my use and “love” of booze is programmed into what I do and how I do it.
I know the times of day that it bothers me but now I wake up knowing and dreading that the time is going to come. I’m generally not a morning drinker but the fact that I know in the afternoon that I’m going to want to have it it makes it an all day ping-pong match in my head.
Additionally it’s still hard because each time I get sober I lose everybody that I hang out with not because I’m not invited only because I know that I cannot go somewhere where alcohol is out and not drink.
Maybe I just need to start writing down my feelings more because I could go on and on rambling and rambling
