Ok… Writing this post feels a bit weird. I’m depressed as fuck, my life isn’t where I imagined it to be, and the big AI changes in the world really fucked up my entire business. From a professional/financial standpoint, it’s been a rough few months. From a personal standpoint… 2024 has been up and down. Huge family dramas, death in the family, shedgate… ya know… all the fun stuff.
However, I handled the hands I’ve been given without self-medicating with booze. One day at a time. The only way out is through.
600 days ago, I was a different person, dealing (or not dealing) with things rather differently. However bad my mental health gets today, I’m not making it worse.
At my worst, I was sure I’d end up like that one woman in London. Dead inside my apartment for years before anyone noticed I was gone. I was alone, lonely, sad, self-destructive and walking around with a death wish tattooed on my forehead. Weeks, months, even full years of my life feel like a haze. I know it was bad, but by the grace of blackouts, I will never know how bad. Perhaps the blackouts were my brain’s way of protecting me from myself.
What I do know is that I spent years feeling too far gone. A lost cause. Hopelessly stumbling in the darkness and waiting for something to put me out of my misery. Even after meeting my husband and seeing things slowly turning around… I was still trying my hardest to self-destruct and prove to him and myself that I wasn’t worth the hassle.
And now… I’m somehow still alive and today I’ve not had a drop of alcohol for 600 fucking days. One half-arsed decision made 600 days ago turned into success. After years of darkness, I was done. I am done. No more hurting myself.
That’s what it took. A decision and the follow-through. I’m not proud of who I was. Some of my mistakes cannot be undone. Words cannot be unsaid. But I’m still standing and that’s something.
Sobriety isn’t some unachievable pipe dream. It’s real. And I’m working on it each and every day.
Love ya all. 
