How do you know when enough is enough? Is it when his lies don’t hurt like they used to? Is it when you’re not surprised to find secret social media and emails that he has “no idea how they got there” when you prove him untruthful? Is it when you’re tired of being made to look a fool, to all his friends and family, for being faithful and loyal? Could it be when you don’t cry as much, if any at all, when the infidelity falls into your lap? Is it when women he says are nothing but bindle licking bag whores and he wouldn’t touch them with someone else’s dick come up to you with pictures and texts as proof, and he STILL denies it?
When am I going to be worth more than the ankles he can’t keep his dick in his pants for?
I’m afraid there’s only one, out of all of these questions, that can be answered…
When will I be strong enough to stand up for myself?
IDK, maybe I’m addicted to being a doormat…
~smiles sadly as his feet leave yet another dusty print across her flattened WELCOME~
You are asking yourself those questions which is a good first step. There is help out there, and here, for you. I am glad you posted. You ARE worth more!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You always have been worth more than ankles.
It doesn’t have anything to do with you. Its him. His issues.
Your just involved because you are with him. If it wasn’t you, he would be making someone else feel like ankles.
My x wife was like that. Most of her self esteem came from how many people wanted to have sex with her. I didnt catch onto that when I fell in love with her, because she told me everything I wanted/needed to hear. She kept lying to me and I knew something was off. Eventually, I got snoopy and discovered way more than I possibly could have imagined.
It hurt! It was easy for me to jump into the blame myself, assume I’m not good enough, All of that bullshit.
I was seeing a counselor through my divorce. She helped me see that. Its still a bitter pill to swallow, but realizing its not about me, helped me heal.
We’ve been divorced for a long time. She’s still like that. One failed relationship after another because of her sex addiction.
You cant find what your looking for while your hanging onto him. Give yourself the self respect you deserve. Get rid of him.
As well as CODA there is S-Anon. Their book is very helpful from what I’ve seen.
There’s also a great podcast called sex love and addiction with Dr Rob. He addresses the spouses and partners a lot.
You know the answer but it takes a lot more than that to walk away, dear. If you find you cannot do it alone, go to meetings. Get a therapist.
The other posters are right, his addiction has nothing to do with you! You do not deserve this!
But the reason you have been staying with this guy through all this has everything to do with you. That’s the part you need to get to work at! You are worth it.
I feel you. The advice people on this thread have been giving you about codependency is spot on. I came across Darlene Lancer’s book Codependency for Dummies a while ago and it really changed my thinking. The title is insulting but the content is good.i borrowed it from my local library as an ebook.
Here’s an article by the same author that might speak to your situation
Put someone else in your shoes, that’s to say if your sister, daughters, niece, best friend came to you with this story what advice would you give her? How mad would you be on her behalf? How upset would you be that a man is treating her this way?
Generally people are good at giving advice but not taking their own & life is not a clear as right/wrong, there are grey areas.
Don’t be too hard on yourself either, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants & it’s hard to talk yourself out of it.
Listen,
Hun I don’t know whom you are or talking about but I can relate totally and I feel you totally and I’m sorry for you feeling this way I know it’s awful. I have done exactly those things to my girlfriend and mind you I am in love with her to the moon. And back ya know so I know exactly what kind of behavior you are dealing with. All I can say Is yes I have done those things but I never wanted to or want to and never intend on them happening. I guess what I’m saying is the actions are not planned at least in my case it’s a serious lack of control and will. I wish for peace between you and this person because I know the pain , ok. Good luck and I know that means nothing but remember myself and others are dealing with the same scenarios and we know the pain your dealing with. Have a good day ok it will be alright.
