When you have so much to be thankful for but

You just don’t know what to do or who you are anymore. Sober day 3. I mean I’m sooooo blessed and GOD I’m thankful. My children will never know me as an addict. Maybe a mean mom once in a while but I (somehow) was very restrictive in my use to where I only used at night when everyone was in bed. Thinking back it was no safer bc ANYTHING could have happened but that’s what addicts do, we rationalize our addiction. I’m understanding that NOW. I dont feel very “dope sick” so I should be thankful. I’ve never been “caught” so I should be thankful. But I’m soooo tired. I’m not sleeping AT ALL. Very hard when the sun comes up and 5 kids depending on you. Actually I’m just complaining at this point and very unnecessarily. I would like to press fast forward and get to the point where all of you are where you post and so happy and grateful and there are Ray’s of sunshine and rainbows! Anywayssss…thanks for listening :joy::sob:

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Lol!!!

Not meaning to be insensitive, just it really does suck at times, don’t it? :joy: As you say, fortunately it gets better, too, so long as we’re willing.

My drinking was a lot like this. Usually alone in the dark of night. Now with some time behind me I dunno what I thought I was doing. Drunk sleep was total rubbish compared to sober sleep.

Glad you’re here and hanging in there, @Jklove21. With time sleep returns and it is MARvelous!!!

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Ah well, crap still happens, that’s for sure, but…I feel more capable of dealing with ‘life’ now that I am sober for awhile.

The days add up, it seems very very slow at first, but they do add up if you stick with it.

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You ever seen the movie Click? It’s an Adam Sandler flick and it’s not the greatest but it has a valuable lesson, never fast forward or skip to what you deem as the good stuff because you’ll miss out on all the beautiful small moments, the gut wrenching heartaches that build your character.

Enjoy the ugly journey, anything worth having is worth working for. Some days your crawling through the mud, and others you’re riding a unicorn on a rainbow spreading starbursts over everything and everyone.

Hope to see you around, lots if love, understanding, support and a bit of tough truths here.

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I’m nodding my head in agreement over here. Who doesn’t want results without effort!? For much of my drinking the efforts at sobriety were all internal, in the form of wishful thinking. And when those efforts failed, then I’d give up and drink some more.

One of my best ‘tough’ moments happened at an AA meeting when I was sharing, really deep stuff you know? And they laughed! Because I was being a sniveling baby who wanted instant gratification and they had all been there and knew what joy there is in seeing oneself clearly. That laughter lightened my mood and helped steer me to reality based thinking.

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