I have said before I thought life would become simpler and be in order sober. AA says if life is unmanageable then AA can help. My life of chaos while drinking is so much more manageable sober but my home life and relationship has not had the same happy result. I am still not trusted. I am still not performing actions demanded and expected by my spouse. My vow of changes that will occur are not enough to calm the seas. Actions are not recognized even though I see such a huge difference in my behaviors and reactions to day to day living. I am in CONSTANT defense mode to prove my worth.
Recently another battle brewed but this time it was so one sided. I refused to let my buttons be pushed. I did not rise up to fight. In fact I acted like the angry beast of the tyrant wasn’t even present. Conversation from me including texts were loving and kind and did not address current disappointment of my husband.
I feel Ok. I do not feel beat down. I feel I need to continue to do the right thing for me and my view of our relationship. There is no place for ugliness from me. 1 UGLY is plenty for any household.
It’s really hard to focus on fixing multiple problems at the same time. Sobriety has to come first for you. If you’re not good with yourself nothing else can be good either. Maybe the marriage survives and flourishes, maybe it fails… the most important thing is that you flourish. You weren’t given a life to please someone else. Husband and wife should be equal partners… lift eachother up… the rest of the world is rough enough
This must be difficult and feel like alot of pressure
You are healing from surgery too if I remember?
It’s hard keeping up here some days.
I can’t give any relationship advice, I’m single and my last relationship well… it was with an abusive man the rest goes without saying.
But I wanted to say I’m here to listen and support you still
I’d say maybe don’t blame your self so much sometimes it’s the other person.
Your trying hard from what I have read
Thank you. The effort I put into the day is exhausting. I have mentioned this sober journey (I’ve had two) I have included GOD and seriously involved in AA including sponsor. The sobriety is going strong. My not drinking is now top priority whether SO agrees with that.
True 2 surgeries since April 22nd I feel should give me some breathing room in behaviors. I do keep that in my mind and easy with myself.
Oh Lam i hear you…you are doing the best you can in very difficult circumstances…i see how hard your trying and im so proud of you…just want to send you some heartfelt love and hugs from a fellow addict who understands and cares
sometimes it’s the other person.
