So back at the beginning after 700 days a long fucking 700 days well lets see where i went wrong ugh …my thing has always been people places and things i mean hell i packed my shit n moved two hours from everything i knew to get right n it all started back in September 2020 i went home for vacation best vacation ever i fixed a broken relationship with my 23 year old nephew that drugs was the reason of that n i made amends with him after 4 years something was off with mom but she said she was good so i went back home after that and the next week i got phone call at around 830 pm from a family friend said he wasnt sure but he heard my nephew was just killed i made a few phone calls n confirm that he was in a motorcycle accident and didn’t make it i was on my way home faster then i could think my sister has a tbi and he had been caring for her wat is going to happen well wen we laid him to rest i again returned back to work n let alone mom calls shes in hospital with a bad staph infection n a gapping wound on her chest she hid from everyone well best medicine for strain she had was penicillin well mom is allergic to that well to cut it all a lil shorter she was diagnosed with stage 3b breast cancer i put in fmla papers packed up n moved back home to care for my mom n its been harsh wat was supposed to be 12 rounds chemo mastectomy n radiation turned into every couple weeks mom was being admitted for pancratitis n now has chronic pancreatits i have sat here n watch this lady go from 211 lbs to 124lbs n somewhere in the middle of that about a month n half almost 2 months ago i linked up with old" meth friend" n it went from there i cant function without it.mom looks weaker and frail i cant keep watching this and i cant leave her now we have almost beat cancers ass but one thing for sure two things for certain my addiction have beat me down til i cant get out it has taken tmy sobriety which is wat i was grabbing to with every part of my being i haven’t only let myself down but i have dropped the ball on one of the last thing i promise my nephew
I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. I’d recommend getting rid of all drugs right away. And I recommend not looking at how many days you had. The most important day is today. Focus on that
Whatever helped you last time hopefully will help you this time. You can do it. You need to do it for you and your Mom. I looked back in your posts and you were very grateful and pleased that you had quit your doc. You want your sobriety back. Get all the help you can to do it.
This site can help you work your plan.
Yes you can!! You’ve done it before and you can do it again. Start now by getting rid of anything you have left and disconnect/distance yourself from that “meth friend”. Have you considered going to NA? You’ve got a lot on your plate right now and a good support network will help.
First of all i am sorry that this is happening to you, i know i did the same thing at first i up’d and left my hometown and yes it made it ten times easier to quit the drugs but i never got to the root of why i used substance and i can see from you traumatic life experiences what you have done is used an old coping way, it is in your mind far easier to numb and escape through substance then try and do reality with pain and hurt that we as addicts haven’t used other ways of coping…
It takes that one interaction when you are feeling weak to think that substance is the answer its the cure to my lifes problems, accepting its not is the first hurdle x
Who do you talk to about your stresses in life, i can only assume you don’t talk to your mum and sister as they are dealing in their own battles!
What boundaries have you put in place to help you stop relying on meth as your copin strategy?
It hurts not to be brave, not to be the strong one through you lifes traumas but sometimes we have to accept we are not doing well and we need to be open with a health profession or a therapist to learn a different path from drugs…
I have been the most honest here of my struggles, writing them down allowed me to see what i was dealing with in my daily life and no wonder why i choose a substance as i found life hard!
You have done it once, you’ve relapsed and this is where you can put that substance down accept that you thought drugs were the correct way and start your recovery again…
Its scaring learning new things but it is worth it x
Life gets had and we forget to take care of ourselves. My suggestion is is humbly go into a meeting, change your sober date and start again. Remember your sober toolbox! Meetings, self care, forgiveness and let others be there for you. I’m here if you need to talk.
I wish i had the time of day i go from moment i open my eyes to moment i close them last time i didnt do meeting n hopefully this time too mom is in radiation n isnt walking well so its not something i can drop her at we live 45 min from treatment center its 65 miles back n fourth everyday i also have my 3 kids here my mom was taking care of til recently …weekends lol soo funny i tried going to a meeting n i got halfway there before my phone was going off mom needed me coME home she fell i am trapped and trying to keep everyone around me happy i have lost my self i dobt have time for me n wen i snap n say something mom gets upset n wen she is upset she cant eat or she throws up i dont know what to do i just want mom better i cant be here its killing me LITERALLY
This is a tough one, but you can do this for you. All this other stuff will be hella easier if you’re sober. Since you’re very low on time, maybe try the online meetings. Shoot, you can hang with people in any part of the country. Hide in your car or the bathroom if you need to. The one thing you already know is that you CAN do this, because you’ve already had success. You’ll need some additional support for the other things going on. Maybe talkspace or something. Sending love and strength your way. 
I attend a women in recovery meeting online and the ladies are amazingly supportive. Maybe you can get an hour in another room and give it a try. It’s not program specific and all addictions are welcome. You only turn your camera on if you want to share. Just listening may help. It’s called Soul Sisters and meetings are tonight (Sunday) at 9pm EST, Tues and Wed at 7pm EST and Saturday at 1pm EST on
Lots of love
you can do this,
Life is giving you so much right now… I’m so sorry you and your family are going through such difficult times. I hope things get better soon. Maybe try to do just one or two positive things for yourself today to try to start over. Something that you did during those 700 days that made you feel proud of yourself.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this right now. I understand how hard it is to care for your mum during illness. Juggling the kids aswell is very hard and I want you to know that you can do this. You are strong enough! The only way to get through this and come out the other side is clear minded and sober. Numbing only makes it worse…I am praying for you and your family my friend. I wish I could take some of it off your shoulders. 
please look after yourself.
Life isnt easy i know this i feel like i cant show weakness n i am overwhelmed have u ever felt like u were standing in the middle of a crowd screaming n no one cared thats where i am i am 34 n cant do anything without explanation n telling mom i fell off the wagon isnt going to happen not now not yet she couldn’t take it it would seriously hurt her my family disown ne last time because they tried to help n i took advantage like every addict does and was told that if i went back to that life style they would have nothing to do with me n mom would take me back to court so ive reached out to some of my sober friends n well talked to them in a way that wouldn’t say it was me n they made me feel so bad i cant i used this group to have positive vibes wen i faced my urges it helped so much n i love all you guys for that but in my world the knowledge of my addiction would throw me deeper into this i am happy to say i havent touched crack even though its been in my head. Not that it makes a difference but its about the only thing i am holding onto n my daughter for sone reason has been waking me up by saying my mommie loves me these lil monsters (not really lil my kids at 14 13 12 n my 13 is 6ft) are the reason i am not in this over my head the only thing keeping me from slipping n i know i heard that any use is the same but last time before my 700 days 2000 dollar a day was nothing but i am no where near that n i do know it wouldn’t take much to put me there but i am not there i am here n i want out …I WILL GET OUT!( Iam speaking that into existence) i just feel like my wings have been broken that i worked so hard to fix