My actions have left such a void in the connection between me and my spouse. I am trying to focus on the positive and get back to being a good person, but I am afraid that it will be for nothing, I’m afraid I’ve ruined what love was left.
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She’s/he’s probably hurt by your past… trust has been broken. But if you love her/him, just show her/him the new, clear headed you … She/he needs time to recover too. I had the same problem. And it just took time and communication. Good luck! 
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Thanks so much, that really means a lot! Day by day, rebuild the road together.
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In early sobriety, words and apologies mean absolutely nothing to those we have hurt. They have heard it all before. Our actions are what show them we are trying to change, a living amends. Patience is key here. Patience with them and yourself. Healing is possible for everyone involved but it will take time and help. Find and use every resource you can to stay sober. AA saved my life and helped save my marriage over time. Stay strong, stay sober, stay connected! 
Wow, thank you! I am taking it day by day. I really appreciate a message of hope admist all my fear. I can only work hard and pray that the cloud of hurt can be lifted from her heart.
Hi MrMalachi,
I am also in the same situation. I’ve made terrible decisions when drunk or hungover. My wife has stuck by me, I don’t deserve her. I hope she can find it in her. The grace to forgive you for whatever you’ve done and I hope you can pay it back in your actions and by not breaking her heart.
B