So I’ve quit before. Made it 93 days nearly 7 years ago and only 39 days a year and a half ago. I’m heading into day 11 this final chapter… yes I said final. My question is this. My brain continues to ask my inner self “who are you sober”? I feel good, but almost feel like I don’t know this person inside me. Can’t say I like this feeling at all, but it’s ok. There is no going back to drunk Ryan ever again, so I’d better figure out who sober Ryan is… any advice or experience with this would help I think.
Oh boy, i can relate with the “who am i sober” question. I had this early on because drinking was a big part of my identity for 20 years. I committed to quitting last may and will soon celebrate 9 months next week. I dont think i have a solid answer to that question yet but im happier with who i am and who im growing to be. Ive asked this same question to the forum.
Going through the 12 steps and surrounding myself with aa taught me alot. Im not saying thats the only path but thats whats worked for me. Now im feeling a little more secure in my decision every morning to not pick up that first drink im branching out to dharma recovery and mindfulness and meditation.
Some people learn by reading quit lit…
However you decide to proceed Surround yourself with positive, sober people and your answer will come with time 
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Congrats on your 11! I love that you are fighting so hard for you.
I understand your question. I started drinking and using at 15 and kept going for 40+ years. I literally had never been an adult without a substance in me or waiting to get in me or wigging out from not having it in me. I had zero idea of who sober Sassy was.
It has been a long learning experience and I am still learning. And that is okay. Be gentle with your self. Explore around … read some books on sobriety and recovery. Maybe journal your thoughts. Look into hobbies. See what moves you and you are interested in. I took up running, knitting, weights, dance classes, yoga, meditating…stuff like that. Try stuff on…physical stuff, mental stuff, books, recovery stuff, maybe talk to a therapist…see what makes you happy. Finding our selves is a life long process I think. And way more enjoyable when sober. 
Proud of you.
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I felt this 100%. Ive felt this every single time i truly attempted to be clean and sober. I remember about 10 years or so ago and in treatment and the counsellor asked me what my fav color was? What my fav flower was? My fav food? What dont i like? My dreams or goals? And i couldnt amswer any of it. I didnt know. Drugs were my entire life. Everything, absolutely everything in my life revolved around getting high. So much so that there was no room to figure me out or get to know me. Anyway, i started writing down on paper some basic questions for me to think about and to get to know me. Everything from fav animal to movie to any of my dreams or goals that i had. I began trying new activites. Some didnt work out and some became hobbies. I tried not to have a closed mind to healthy activites so that i could really experience first hand if i enjoyed something or not Maybe some of these suggestions will spark an idea for u it can be really fun to get to know who u are!
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I totally relate. I spent so much of my life under the influence, I had no idea who I was.
I found out though, you can be who ever you want to be! I think that is the best part!
I wanted to be the best father I could be, so thats who I am. Not quite there yet, but I’m learning!
You’ll figure it out, and I’m sure you’ll have fun doing it.
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Thank you all so much!
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This is a good question. I ask the same one to myself.
Maybe sober Ryan is the one who doesn’t have all the answers (or even any answers sometimes), and he’s ok with that. He’s ok with being in a learning mode, looking for the next constructive step, the next chance to try something helpful.
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You should take a listen to Janey Lee Grace, she does podcasts and covers this subject saying its like getting to know the real you all over again, she has some great guests on her show as well.
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im the guy i always wanted to be and now i am and after 36 years sober still learning about myself
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Getting sober is about learning how to live life again. It goes past “just not drinling”. Most of us needed a therapist, a counselor, or a recovery program.
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