Hi Guys, I just started this app today but havent been drinking now for 15 days… I was drinking everyday or almost everyday. I didnt think I had a problem because it was mainly towards the end of the day or I was with friends or family. I would drink by myself a lot of the time in my room just because I dont mind being alone on top of I have pre-existing anxiety and depression. So going out often wasn’t always the deal. I guess I was self medicating with alcohol as well as weed and I take anti-anxiety medication and anti-depression meds. My exboyfriend of 7 years had broken up with me last 2 octobers ago on our 7 year anniversary… so I believe that heightened it all mixed with this pandemic but I was already creating a habit prior to then. He was a drug dealer so I had my fair share of ecstasy, lean, coke, as well prescription drugs… most of those werent an issue… mainly the coke… when he would go out I would sneak in and do some… I also have a friend, which I do not see as often or anymore, who is addicted to coke and alcohol to the point where she shakes when she gets up in the morning. I am grateful it wasnt getting to that point but I was still continuing the drinking and didnt really have the urge to do coke anymore, partially because I had to pay for it… was doing for free before and I had no problem stopping that since it messed with my anxiety a lot. Well to make this long story shorter Ive finally wanted better for myself… I had signed up for school and classes, decided I was able to get insurance and be heathier; eat, workout, and stop drinking. Well I had intially stopped on the 5th… had a glass of wine on the 9th and I notice once I start drinking I cant just have 1 so I had about 2 or 3 glasses of wine, with my mom and sister, thinking that was it… nope I decided I needed to feel more drunk… so I opened up a bottle of bourbon and probably made myself a double or triple… took part of an edible so I could sleep and woke up with the alcohol anxiey and body sweats… it was the worst one yet. So since then I’ve stopped, Im proud and happy that I have gotten this far and honestly do not have the urge only because my anxiety has been extremely crippling that Id rather not deal with going through that again. Thing is ive been having really bad attacks that seem to come about. I can’t fully understand why… i went a whole year with my normal anxiety and now that ive finally chosen better for myself its gotten so bad. I ended up dropping my classes, so I can see a doctor and therapist once my insurance kicks in, I rely so much on my clonazepam, anti anxiety meds, to get me thru… which Im have to take double or triple the amount just to ride it out better… ive been hungry but also nauseous… things look good but when it comes to finally eating I get nervous and am forcing myself. Im overthinking everything. Thinking I have diabetes, high blood pressure, or just full on losing it. Was exposed to covid on the holidays but tested negative its been almost a month and anyway I feel I think I havenit which is also skyrocketing my anxiety. Taking benadryl with melatonin and clonazepam to sleep because once again I get nervous. I guess Im just asking if this is normal? Even for a moderate functioning alcoholic… Im sorry for this long post. I never know how to keep things short and I just want answers or support. Not that my family and friends arent but I guess more from people who can understand me a bit better… I’m 28 and I honestly cant tell you exactly how long ive been drinking heavily. I use to work in the restaurant industry which didn’t help. I also cant tell you the amount of drinking I would have a day because it was usually at night pouring up doubles or more and going back several times til I knocked out… thabk you for whoever actually took the time to read this mess of a message… writing this in the tub as I calm myself down before having another “episode”
got no experience of any medication your taking but our emotions do take time to balance out when not covered up with booze and drugs and sleep can be hard to get in the early stages. Get some walks in, take your baths, try some meditation and melatonin comes naturally when laying in the dark so try to get off your screen a couple of hours before you want to sleep, drink some calomile tea, relax and concentrate on your breathing.
Congrats on your 15 days and trust me this does get easier. I used to suffer anxiety and quite severe panic attacks while using but now I don’t consume any drugs legal or not I’m a lot more balanced and confident. I wish you well on your journey.
Welcome here and congrats on your 15 days with no booze. That’s a good start. I feel your body has to adjust to the absence of alcohol so it’s kind of logical there’s chemical imbalances now that could worsen your anxiety. That will get better over time.
I do hope you can get some medical assistance soon because to me melatonin, clonazepam (very potent and highly addictive) and benadryl don’t sound like a healthy combination to me friend. That’s not normal, and certainly not for longer periods of time. I do wish you all success and hope you can get help from a doctor very soon. And hope you hang around here. Great place for help and support and understanding.
There’s a lot to worry about these days and we know worrying doesn’t solve problems (easier said than done, right?!?)
As @Mno mentioned, chemical imbalance will cause a lot of issues and it takes time to restore our brains to normal function. PAWS is a condition that many recovering addict’s go through for up to a year after quitting, that there demonstrates the power of chemical dependence and the time needed to heal from it.
IMO, your best solution is to be patient, keep off the drink and drugs, and talk to your doctor about your anxiety and work out a plan.
I wish you well!
Edit: I will add that a fair amount of people do experience some level of anxiety and/or depression when quitting, I did and it was manageable and passed. Also, good sleep was hard to come by, that is very normal in early sobriety and will pass soon.
Thank you so much for even reading that. I appreciate the insight and support very much!!
Thank you! Yes, in times such as these there is just about too much to try and not think about. My insurance should keep in 2/1 and I really do want to be able to live without having to depend on medicine to keep me at bay. I truly appreciate your insight and support! Thank you for taking the time out to respond 
Thank you! Im surprised that its been easy on not wanting to drink but the other half of it has been hard. Im not proud of how ive been coping, medicine wise, with the anxiety but I will be soon seeing a doctor ince my insirance kicks in on 2/1 and hopefully things can start to smooth out. I truly appreciate the love and support from you and that have responded. Im happy to hear that we can work together to bring each other up. Thank you!
Thank you! I tend to lay in the batb for water therapy as well as doing yoga to help with the breathing. I also have a sound soother app that I play to help get to sleep. Thank you for responding and giving me some more ideas to work with! I appreciate all this help 
Like I mentioned Ive already have anxiety for about 10 yrs and depression, ooof since I was a child but the main issue is the anxiety and I am counting down the days til at least lightens up.
depression in my experience has roots buried deep from something or other and I found the only way to get past it was to go through it, not ignore it, hide from it, tip toe around it, no matter how scary you might find it face it head on. My causes of depression have been picked apart thoroughly and shared with people I trust but the main thing is the more I face past realities the more they lose their power. Its like walking through custard at first but this feeling when I came out the other side of what I thought I deserved and why and what parts of me I felt it affected which really only ever exist in our minds while the reality was so long ago and can’t touch us now. it’s beautiful.
So look inside you and find the cause and face it. You don’t have to feel the way you do, you don’t have to drink and you don’t have to take drugs if you don’t want to.
I do believe my depression is rooted in something from my childhood and I am ready to go on this journey and face it. Definitely scary but im sure like most people it so nice to hear you are not alone and that the other side is obtainable! Thabk you so much for sharing that with me.
Congrats on 15 days, keep up the hard work and know how much healthier your body will be moving forward.
Congrats on 15! You are doing amAzing! Wanted to post so I didn’t lose the thread. I’m in my NA meeting but when I am done with that and class I want to be able to easily find this. I have some information and links for you that will REALLY help if you utilize them.
Talk more soon. One breath at a time. One day at a time.
Thank you! Some days I feel so good that im being healtheir, others the anxiety and fear get in the way thank you for responding
Thank you!!! Omg I appreciate that very much! That is so very kind of you 
im feeling so much love and support from all on here! What a great space! Im so glad I found this app
I am so sorry.
I had been struggling with my mental health and took a hiatus to reset with myself. I’d been working so hard, I forgot that I was still human, and I broke. Haven’t used, but suffered a serious mental health relapse. I’m doing much better.
I do apologize, sincerely, for not getting back to you. How are you holding up?