Here are some of the memoirs/biographies that I found enlightening …
Last Call by Nancy Carr
Parched by Heather King
Long Time Gone, David Crosby
It’s Only Rock n Roll, Jo Woods
The Road Through Wonderland, Dawn Schiller (look it up…intense!! She is a survivor!!)
Beauty Disrupted, Carrie Otis
Thing of Beauty (about Gia) by Stephen Fried
Saturation by Jennifer Place
Girl Walks Out of a Bar by Lisa Smith
The Naked Mind by Annie Grace
High on Arrival by Mackenzie Phillips
Under the Influence by Joyce Maynard (a novel, but relevant)
On Writing by Stephen King
For me, I quit leaving open the possibility to one day drink again. I had to embrace the finality of it. I had to accept that this is a “forever thing”. Once I did this, long-term sobriety became possible.
He was a total asshole. The book was a great slice of the early days of CSN. Interviews with everyone, not just from CSN, but people in the scene back then. It is really a fascinating book. Graham Nash is a saint or incredibly gullible or maybe both.
The crew called his wife Jan…Death, because that is what she looked like when they were both using so heavily. He could literally only be on stage 15 minutes at a time…I saw CSN a couple of times during his heavy using and I figured that was why he left all the time.
He sold and spent every penny, all he had left at one point was his piano. When he went to jail he had to audition for the band.
I am amazed he was able to overcome his addiction and stay clean.
Not covered in the book was him fathering Melissa Etheridge and her partners children. I mean who would choose those genes? I never got that.
I do see there is a new documentary out on him. I look forward to seeing it and getting up to speed on his life now. The book is pretty old. Well worth a read. I mean he was a total asshole back when. I wish I still had my copy. It is hard to come by.
Wanted to add in this link to a review of the documentary…
The first time I failed, I mean the first 1000 times I failed, I kept thinking I could ‘just have one’. I wasn’t ready to quit. I didn’t see the full scope of my problem. I would drink, hangover, heal, repeat. I thought moderation was the answer. Once I realized my life without alcohol would be better, then I could quit. It made everything easier.
My second mistake was that I had no plan. My plan was moderation. Then my plan was to just stop. Cold Turkey. No help. Not telling anyone. No education. No community. Nothing. I came up with a plan, I made a toolbox, I joined this group, told my husband, started meditating, journaling, reading books on quitting drinking, and listening to podcasts regularly. I work on myself now instead of just hoping everything will change.
My story is pretty similar. My wife asking me if I could moderate. I’d give it a go, and within a week or two I made a deal with myself that I would try again at “some point”. That point never came.
Tried cold turkey, walked in the pub one day and the landlord said he’d got some strong beer in because I was always moaning that his guest ales were too “weak”!
Found this forum and haven’t looked back since.
It really does help.
I didn’t even realize I had a problem until I was dating my husband and I realized that he didn’t drink every day or even every weekend. I thought HE was crazy! Everyone else I knew drank like I did… all the time and ALWAYS on the weekend.
When I told him I was quitting he thought it was so strange. He didn’t even see my problem. Or he was kind enough to pretend not to see it. At first I would say like, oh I’m not drinking tonight, but always did anyway. When I realized I couldn’t moderate, or couldn’t get past a single Friday night without drinking, that’s when I really realized I had a problem and had to quit for good. He still doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand why I can’t have a couple glasses of wine at a wedding instead of five. Or understand why I can’t have a drink one night and not the next two or three nights. But he is incredibly supportive regardless.
It’s true! I grew up in a drinking family. So I drank. I made friends with people who drank and thought people who didn’t had something wrong with them that they didn’t enjoy it. So they weren’t my friends for very long. Wish I still had those friends around today though!
Great thread! I finally made it past 30 dats (for the first time in years) and I think the difference this time was I finally accepted that I’m an alcoholic, I cannot drink in moderation, and working on getting comfortable just being me. I’m still learning but I’m grateful for what I’ve learned so far for sure.
My first real attempt to quit was 58 days in early 2018.
I failed because I didn’t take the advice I was given.
I didn’t take the advice because I thought “I got this”.
I thought that “I got this” because I was able to go 3, 10, 30 days with little effort.
I was able to quit with little effort because my intentions were good.
What I’ve learned:
Good intentions are a great way to get to day one, but it takes more to through day one. As soon as I think “I got this” is the moment I don’t have this, because that’s when I let my guard down. If I ask for help, I need to be willing to try what is suggested; people don’t say “Try a meeting” because it’s fun to say, they say it because it can help.
I’ve learned a lot more, but that’s the first of it.
I do see them occasionally. I live in a small village with one pub. But at first not so much. Christmas and New Year were spent at home.
Because it expensive over here we have not been regular pub drinkers for a while. I mean when you can pretty much get 4 tins for what the pub charges for a pint, or a bottle of wine for what they charge for a glass, it kinda changes where you drink😂.
At first it’s gonna be more advantageous for you not to mix with drinkers unless you can really trust yourself not to cave. Simple advice. But you’d be surprised how many people still go out to their regular haunts and wonder why they start drinking again.
Nothing is going to change if nothing changes.
I also very early changed my mindset. I no longer drink. I am not a drinker!
Advice that I took from this forum very early on was that getting sober will change you life. The thing is this is not just the yay I’ve stopped drinking, I’m more healthy now! This means everything thing changes. Friends, what you do to socialise, who you spend your life with sometimes!
That can be a lot of people’s downfall, not accepting that mindset!
I didn’t work hard enough on changing my mindset before. Im working through the Smart Recovery handbook, and it’s useful eg in helping me get more fully aware that drinking is only ever about a short term desire, not my deeper long term desires.
love this - very relatable. I’m still so stuck- I constantly glamorise drinking! I feel like i’m turning my back on a friend. But it’s a friend that’s trying to kill me.
