Today is day 1 again. I seem to be able to put a plan together, but following it is where I fail. Did anyone ever get anxiety attacks that you turned to drugs or alcohol to cope with? They get really intense for me and I end up smoking or drinking to breathe, it seems…
It’s hard to muster up the hope and encouragement after so many relapses. It’s like I ask myself, “why are you even trying again.”
Keep putting in the work and it’s worth it. That’s why you are trying.
I cannot say how many day 1s I had bc I didn’t call it that. I tried endless times.
Have a good read around here. There is so much information and help here.
Do you have a f2f group where you live? It’s so important to have sober people around you.
I can relate. Had about 14 months sober and messed up. And then 6 months. I can say sobriety is worth it, I do the same and use drugs and alcohol to cope which leads to a bunch of other stupid decisions. One thing I learned with drinking and sobriety is bad days are still going to be there. I thought alcohol made the bad days better, which sure maybe some days it did. But you can turn it around the same with sobriety and not get yourself into trouble lol. Definitely keep giving it a chance, yes it feels worthless when you relapse sometimes but doesn’t mean give up one time it will stick and you’ll keep learning more about yourself while you heal sober
I have also had many day 1’s. The reason I keep trying is because I know how much better I feel when I’m not drinking. Especially now after 47 days. I have also suffered from severe anxiety, but my anxiety has gone way down because alcohol makes it worse. I was missing out on life. Being sober makes me more aware, and yes sometimes life hurts more when you can’t numb yourself of the pain in the moment, but being sober is helping me learn to accept all of my emotions. I can deal with my emotions better because I feel them more. I feel like I can breathe because I’m not drowning myself with booze.
Maybe try a meeting might help ,it helped me stay sober wish you well
Cause if u don’t try you’ll never know. I have relapsed twice badly for long periods as a didn’t want to stop using am back at day 3 and want to be clean u want it?so u will everyone on here on same boat and here to help
Yeah hey stick in there. I’ve been having this alcoholism problem most of 4 decades and trouble seemed to be the only reason I’d ever even consider stopping and I got a problem etc stayed sober for periods of time and over and over and over and over it would just get continually worse as if I never stopped and even tho I thought I was aware I never truly accepted it. This time I’m really trying to be aware, accepting and surrendering to my higher power to help me and for me it’s a minute by minute hour by hour day by day struggle that I face as opposed to avoiding etc. you are definitely not alone and one little bit of advice I can offer is all these feelings your having… write them down honestly talk to someone you can trust or even in here because the alcohol etc is how our brains decide to deal with much deeper issues that we may need to let heal. I pray for you
Just remember that drugs and alcohol do not help with the anxiety….it just kicks the can down the road. Eventually you need to address the stressor.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
Yes the anxiety can be unbearable. I let myself do anything rather than drink or smoke in those times. Dont let yourself go on autopilot, even if you have to barricade yourself in your room and wait for time to pass it is worth being sober.
The anxiety wont go away with alcohol, its just numbed. It wont hold it back forever. But you do have power to reduce anxiety over time when youre not turning to instant numbing
Best of luck to you on this day 1. I promise it is possible to change hard behavior and remain sober!
I don’t know about panic attacks, but I know there are medecine for those.
What I know, in my case, is that smoking weed or drinking makes every fucked up thought bigger stronger and deeper. Ending up being a real mess when these are negative thoughts…
I also used to smoke weed to calm me, it took me so many years to understand that it was part of the anxiety. After a while without THC I was definitely more calm 
Smoking weed also increase the heart beat. I guess I wasn’t more calm at all, only too stoned to notice or bother.
i used to drink for my depression and anxiety. As well as when I was happy and felt like celebrating!! 
I could not quit on my own, especially after 16 years of unfettered alcohol drinking. Have you tried going to any meetings? It will take time to deal with all the emotions and feels unmedicated. Keep going and you’ll get there!
If you are asking yourself this, then deep down you want to succeed…if you didn’t, you would simply start using again.
There is a level of normalcy with anxiety in the beginning. You took away your "security blanket
For me…extreme happiness…drink, pissed off, drink, scared…drink…ect, ect, ect…
When I quit drinking I just didnt know how to live without drinking…
Not drinking was the easy part…keeping myself from running back to it was the difficult part…If I hadn’t come here daily, came up with a program of recovery, then started an established recovery program…I wouldn’t have stayed sober.
If I were in your shoes, I probably would look at what was keeping me from being sober…from there I could make changes.
Reach out, we are all here to help.
I think a majority of us here can put are hand up and say it loud ‘hell yes!’
“Why even try” because you are worthy of a life without relying on a substance because you are meant for more in life than the substance that you have such a close relationship you can’t find that purpose but I promise with each time you rely on such substance you internally are learning once again that didn’t help me out in such a situation.
Because life as a recovering addict has more to give to you, you just don’t know how wonderful it can be… Because accepting and letting go is fucking scary… What’s gonna help me through my anxiety, those invasive thoughts, I found out for myself that it was ME… Finding something else to do and replacing the substance is a challenge, it isn’t easy finding new resources to become someone who isn’t reliant daily on a substance that ultimately becomes just another part of you.
To one recovering addict to another you got this, don’t try and do it all alone… So many outer resources, so many people in the same conflicting battle… You’ll find your way just keep going and remember you are worth so much more than a substance.
Being back and am already feeling benefits even just reading av even stopped working just now everyone different deep down u want it and you’ll get it
what’s an f2f group?
A recovery based face to face group. AA, NA or another program, depending on where you live. There are plenty of different groups.
M8 this is good
Why try again?
Because eventually you will succeed. Obviously what you’ve tried hasn’t worked. I don’t know what you HAVE tried. But my advice is: Get a group. Here is good, in person would be better I think, and check in with them. Go to the meetings. If counseling or therapy is an option try that, I found a place that gets state grants to help people who can’t afford to pay. I no longer go, but it did help and it’s still an option for me when I feel like I need it. So if you’re in the states and can’t pay, MAYBE you can find a place, I’d call my state dept. of health and ask. I also went to a 30 day in-patient rehab through the same program for free, and could have stayed longer. They were really good, they helped their 90 day people with legal problems, getting a job, they brought you to and back from your job and would even find you sober living houses afterwards, even in other cities and states if you wanted. And I’d have never heard about the place if somebody who did know hadn’t told me. It doesn’t come up on google searches. I went there then, because I was being pressured by my sister. I wasn’t honestly ready to quit then or it would have helped more.
If you truly want to quit, you can and eventually you will. But it’s a process and you may need to try different approaches. If you’re not getting support, I think that’s probably most important. I personally live alone and isolate myself when I’m drinking. It’s really easy to get into a depression that way. I also needed to face some of the things that caused me to drink.
These were the main things causing me to drink. There are other things. I’ve lost some of my old stoic ability to deal with anxiety, which I used to be able to handle fine. That was caused BY the drinking. But I’m back into meditation and mindfulness practice (which I used to do religiously before I ever started drinking). I’ve forgotten how to deal with occasional boredom and general “hum-drum” feelings. I need to work on acceptance of those feelings and not try to fight or drown them in alcohol. There have been setbacks, there have been things outside my control that have hampered me, there have been relapses. But, I’ve learned to stay kind to myself. Not kick myself for mistakes. I’ve known that negative self talk had a very real effect but I neglected to stay mindful of it and practice positive self talk. I do now. I smile and force a laugh when I’m feeling low because I know it can trick my brain into thinking things are ok. I’ve been telling myself that I’m worth more than this, that it isn’t my fault that I have had a mental health problem, it isn’t my fault but it IS my responsibility to deal with it. Over and over and over until it clicks. Positive self talk, meditation, mindfulness, and slowly working towards goals are things that need to be practiced and exercised. Like weight lifting, if you never train with the small weights you’ll never lift the heavier ones but it DOES get easier the more you do it. So do something positive every day to work towards you goal. Doesn’t have to be much, but have no 0 days. Always do one small thing at least.
Posting here and being able to get things off my mind helps me a lot. So, you can take my advice, which I think is ok advice. But I’ll never say “hey, do like me because I’m cured”. I still struggle sometimes, I can’t say I’ll never relapse, but I don’t look forward to nor do I expect them. As far as not drinking, I take that day by day. As far as looking into the future, I only acknowledge positive things that can happen. I picture my life as I truly want it. I don’t imagine possible bad futures or situations. I’m a true believer that the energy you put into the universe comes back to you threefold.
And lastly, it helps ME to say this, maybe it can help you. If I were learning to ride a horse, say I truly wanted to learn to ride a horse. Of course I could, that’s possible. But, what if I fell off a lot? Well, there are only 2 options. Quit trying, but I’ll never learn. Or keep getting back on until I do. Ok so what if I fell off more times than other people I saw? So what, It may take me longer, but I CAN. If I truly want to and I don’t give up.
Be easy on yourself friend. Keep coming here and do try to find a group near you. And don’t drink tonight. If you’re think you’re going to go through DT’s go to the ER. I know it sucks coming off, I have straight up panic attacks coming off. But you can do it, and I wish you the best. I know what it’s like so I really feel for you. You deserve better, so give yourself better, even if it’s hard.
One trick I have for anxiety attacks is to run around the block then come in and take a completely cold shower. It’s like it forces that anxious energy out. Afterwards, I sometimes take a hot bath, almost always drink a hot sleepytime tea (you may like hot chocolate or soup, I think its something about having warmth in your belly that’s good for morale and emotions, I don’t question it, it just works) and get in bed with a soothing sobriety podcast and maybe a valerian root capsule or melatonin. Hopefully you can do some of those things for yourself, because I know I’ve been without power and running water and food because of my addiction but I made it through, because I am strong like bull, and you are strong like bull, but hopefully you’re in a bit better of a place than I was at times.
I tried alot of times , day1 , day1 again, back at day 1, but it wasn’t until I worked the 12 step program were I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Working all the steps with my sponsor, attending meetings , I now work with sponsees and I am now going on 6 months sober , one day at a time.
“why are you even trying again”
Please recognise that this is a destructive inner alcoholic dialogue which will say anything to stay you into the pit. Ignore it, shut it down, each time you shut it down you will grow stronger against it