Shh it today would of been 90 days I haven’t even looked at this app but I relapsed along time ago , I think I can still smoke weed , I been thru the steps until 12 my issue is the confidence I don’t have it and I knew from the beginning once I got to step 12 I wad screwed . Im not smart enough to remember or bring someone thru these steps it’s not me im not that person all my life I been a follower not a leader…I couldn’t take someone as a sponcee cause I know there’s someone better.and I’m socially awkward I don’t like being around people I get nervous idk wat to do … Noo way I could get up and share my experience strength n hope it’s a blurr I do not remember, I’ll end up sounding insane .studdering n what not …ok Im done
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I wouldn’t focus on numbers or anxiously anticipating all the what if’s of the future. Focus on today. Most of the time we work ourselves up on the future and it’s usually not as bad as we feared.
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It sounds to me: I always knew I start again, after I reach step twelve I will quit with sobriety and I even can say to myself how much effort I ve given into my recovery.
At least never mind! If it could be true, relaps was your decision for now. Doesnt mean forever! Luckíly you can make another one someday, with the same power and certainity as this one nowadays! Wish we all can do IT - go ahead, my Best good luck!
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Oddly enough, there’s many like you. They feel socially awkward, lack confidence and feel hopeless. This is your story, but many share your similarities. One of the biggest problems to overcome; is yourself 100% of the time. You are the creator of your; happiness, recovery and your decisions! If you were sober, what would you do different with your life? What would be your goals? Has AA failed you, or have you failed AA?
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sorry buddy dont really understand what your saying ? have you got a sponsor did he take you through the steps? are you still on drugs , if you go back to meetings then start again .wish you well
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I am a follower too. Not a leader
The 2 sponsors I’ve had were very similar in what 12th step work means. Helping other alcoholics is certainly part of it, but they always stressed being of service to society in general. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Participate in community clean up days. There’s many ways to practice the 12th step without sponsoring.
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Maybe if I share how I masked my whole life through drugs… I have always used drugs to have the confidence to do things, used it for aniexty… Used it for social events…
I always had a reason why I needed these drugs or just a little bump to get through life!
I’m 418 days of any type of chemical… I struggle with tourettes I also am Nero-diverse where typically I struggle with social norms but I don’t use drugs to cope because in the end. I’m an addict who will use any problem, reason or excuse to use.
Ive reached more than one rock bottom… I’m well educated and yet I have slept on the streets because I truely believed drugs was my life…i dont say all this for you to be inspired I say it because we all have vices, crutches on why we depend on the drugs… M weren’t taught how to cope… Know no different then to smoke to relax But there are so many ways to be you…
As for step 12… Like others have said its about spreading the word of the steps mm that doesn’t mean you have to take on the responsibility of a sponsee… I don’t pass a homeless person without checking they are okay, do they need food or water or even a fucking jacket…
There are many ways you can do step 12 it’s not a rule or a must on taking someone else on…
Forget what you know and start to think is it worth it.
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I’m not in AA but prefer Life Ring and Recovery Dharma. I do feel like I need a “sponsor” - someone familiar with alcohol addiction I can reach out to and stay personally connected to. I’ve asked myself a million times why I didn’t tell anyone when I relapsed and I think it’s because I felt the excellent people in my life either didn’t have the personal experience or would be disappointed in me. Hopefully I can eventually find that sponsor like person someday…
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I feel exactly the same. Until recently I found out one of my best friends where also hiding her addiction. We where actually in rehab the exact same time in January. Only recently when I let my friendship group known the truth, she told me she has also been struggling with addiction. I was shocked, and grateful and proud at the same time.
We live so close to one another, geographically wise and in everyday life, but never knew each other’s struggles.
I connect with her 100% and I feel like I can be open and honest with her. She is not a stranger, and neither will she judge me. Her partner is also an addict in recovery for almost 8 years, so when ever I feel that I’m struggling, I reach out to them. I see them as my “sponsors” Just do you, and what makes you happy and what feel most comfortable for you, I believe. 
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