I’ve run into a wall at this whole a.a thing iv leaped into with both feet this time. It seems like every time I get close with someone and I feel like we are getting along and I ask if they can be my sponsor they either say no or they say they could be my temp sponsor for the time being. And I do have a temp sponsor but he’s not even going through the steps with me. I’m going to atleast 2 meetings a week and gonna be a month sober in 4 days but I still feel like I know nothing about a.a. why is it so hard for me to find a sponsor?.. any advice?
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I got to say everybody Who wants to be a sponsor does have agreed to do whatever it takes,to take you seriously . A sponsor Who says i can be sponsor for a litle time , is such a waste. Guide trough the 12 steps. I would say they are not fully comitted, you do deserve a sponsor Who are there for you when u need it .respect shall be in both ways . Sounds like you need to go to another group. Perhaps next time u sharing outloud in a meeting you can say any sponsor whom are dedicated please step forward … i cant tell u what to do. I Just want u to be taken seriously in any groups .
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Do you have any family or a friend that has been in recovery for a long period of time? My sponsor is an old friend who actually dated my sister off and on years ago. That’s how we met and became pretty tight. He was still a raging alcoholic back then. About 4 years ago he just quit cold turkey after some heart wrenching words his young son spoke to him one day. He’s never relapsed and I look up to him for that and for having the strength to stay sober. He was an easy choice for my sponsor.
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I was told not to pick a sponsor until I know we click and have hung out with them a few times. I agree that going to different meetings and voicing that you need a sponsor might be a good idea. Otherwise dealing with that rejection is just yucky. No one wants to deal with that.
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Have you mentioned during the meeting…"I really need a sponsor and am ready to dive into the steps. If your interested, please talk to me after the meeting"
Having a sponsor doesn’t mean you need to be friends or click with them. Find someone with quality sobriety who gets you through the steps
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Thanks everyone. It’s just rough because for me speaking in meetings is hard enough and to openly announce that I want a sponsor is so nerve racking to me lol but I know I need to overcome that anxiety if I want to get the help I want. @Dan_Alexander yeah iv been going with the flow just listening basically and just going to meetings even if I don’t feel like it trying not to stress too much. @Oliverjava thank you for the link. They do preach about finding a sponsor a lot but never a step by step way of finding one lol @alpine_1975 that’s so lucky of you to know someone like that unfortunately nobody in my family doesn’t drink :/.
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@Elisabeth yes the rejection is what worries me. Like am I not good enough for you or something? But I will not let this get in the way of my sobriety. Thanks!
@Steve92 exactly! I have the same fears for sure. Haven’t started looking yet, but I’ll get there. Please share here if you find someone or want to give some tips on how you did it. That’d be helpful. 
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At two of the meetings I go to, the meeting secretary asks for people who are willing/able to be sponsors to raise their hands at the end, so you know who you can talk to. You could ask the meeting secretary to do that, or ask for him/her to introduce you to some of the people who might be willing to be a sponsor!
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Now THAT would be awesome. Haven’t seen that done yet, but that would make it super easy for us newbs.
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@Steve92… I’m feeling your discomfort and worry. I am coming back to the program after a falling out with a rookie sponsor. I was his very first sponsee. We started off as friends (I still miss the friendship we had in the beginning). But I made the huge mistake of asking him to sponsor me. He had not had success keeping sponsees. So I thought for him and me it would be a win win. Well after 14 months of continuous sobriety and a bad falling out with the guy, I picked up a deep resentment, stopped attending meetings and soon I was at a bar watching a soccer game with a drink in one hand and a shot glass in the other. I was out for 3 months. And when you hear that AA ruins your drinking/using, it’s true! There’s nothing worse than walking around with a head full of AA and a belly full of booze. Coming back and on day 45 (I reset the clock) it has been hard to find a new sponsor. I have gotten 3 rejections. But I have also turned down 3 offers. My very first sponsor relapsed. My second guy was aloof. The third guy I developed a crush on (I’m gay, he’s straight), so we parted ways when I told him what I was feeling (rigorous honesty is best policy). And the next guy was the rookie, or my good friend with no sponsorship experience. These are the things I am now looking for in a sponsor: someone who knows how to live sober regardless of how much sober time they got, that they have taken other guys through the steps and have experience sponsoring, a guy who is present, a good listener and a good guide, a guy who isn’t going to make my d**k hard (no hot boys), and no wannabe parole officers. With all that said: a sponsor should be a good fit. Every nut has its bolt. You and I might need to practice patience but also be proactive as some have mentioned in this thread. Another nugget of wisdom is: sponsorship is like the half blind leading the blind. A sponsor will not keep you sober. Just like yesterday’s sobriety can’t keep you sober. This is a spiritual practice, part of an integral recovery approach. You might need to work with a psycho therapist at some point. Diet and exercise are also key. For some, medication is also part of recovery. So you see, there’s a whole lot of parts to this. But most importantly, within AA, is building trust with others, taking on service commitments (sharing at meetings is doing service!), and doing our best to unlearn all that upside down thinking and reactive behavior that was like pouring gas into the fire. We’re going to be alright. Work on step 11 in the meantime. Meditate your butt off. And good luck!
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It is highly recommended that you go with the same sex sponsor if you’re straight and opposite sex sponsor if you’re gay so they’re aren’t any sexual attraction issues going on. Also, don’t put a sponsor on a pedestal; they are human too. They aren’t perfect but if they have experience and quality sobriety, they will walk you through the steps and help you break down your 4th step in manageable pieces. They’ll talk with you and give clarity on things you may of not thought about. They’re there to call when you’re struggling. They don’t need to be your buddy and you don’t need an emotional friendship attachment. They are there to tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.
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