Hello, I’m a 40 year old male. I’ve been drinking since my early teens and since I turned twenty one I have been sober perhaps 90-120 total. I’m was a daily drinker and very hardcore drinker. I’ve done drug but never really got into them. Though I have mixed alcohol with pills to enhance the feeling.
I typically would get off work, go to the bar until close and drive my drunk ass home. I’ve ruined relationship, a few cars and my credit in the process. 4 years ago I met my fiancé and my life took a turn for the better. She’s lifted me up and made me want to be a better person. We’ve fought a lot over the last 4 years about my drinking but she’s stuck around. We had our daughter almost two years ago.
A little less than 1 year ago I had a health screening at work and my alt liver enzyme was slightly elevate at a 47. I took action and started working out and trying to gain weight. Constantly focusing on my food intake gave me anxiety and panic attacks so I quit. All this time I’ve been still drinking heavily. I’d have 7-10 shots after work in the 2 hour gap I had before she got from work, I would continue to walk around nursing a beer the rest of the night while getting another 10-15 shots in before going to bed a few hours later. This went on for another year. I just had my health screen at work this year, alt is 88 ast was 57. I made the decision Friday to quit drinking this Monday. Sunday night I had my last drink, and have been going strong but struggling, I ache, can’t sleep, am shaky and constantly craving the bottle that sit on my counter(she drinks).
I told her I was quitting and just asked her to be supportive. I know she can help but ultimately I have to say no. Ima good father but since I’ve been feeling so down I haven’t risen up. This morning she said I needed more support and needed aa or someone I could talk to hourly. I calmly told her this is my problem and if she pushes me into something I’m not ready for I’m going to be uncomfortable and fail. She got mad, I text her when I’m at work saying I didn’t mean to come off harsh and I apologize but it is something I have to do. Tonight we’re watching game of thrones (her show not mine) and my daughter who was overly tired was being a handful and she stormed out yelling about how she does everything here. She said she needed time, I told her to take some and I played with my daughter. When she returned she warmed some food and stood eating in the other room, my daughter went into the room to be with her and mom lost it, yelling at me that she cleans everything, does everything and our dog doesn’t do dog things(he’s a puppy and I’m house training him). So now I’m sitting on the couch my daughter in bed, my fiancé closed up in our bedroom, dog on the floor next to me, and that bottle on the counter staring me down. But that three day goal ticking down and reading this forum and all the stories is keeping me strong.
That’s my story I suppose, it’s longer than what I wrote but I wanted to say hi get my mind off things and say thank you all, you’re helping me even if you don’t know me.
Oh my gosh. Well glad you’re here. Make sure to get medical attention if the withdrawal gets bad. Focus on doing what is best for yourself.
If you cant sleep try a podcast. Recovery Elevator is very uplifting and there are so many episodes you can’t run out. Bubble Hour, This Naked Mind, and Recovery Happy Hour all feature stories of people and their struggle with booze.
Maybe listen to a mediation or hypnosis YouTube video to calm and center yourself. Close your eyes and just breathe for a bit. That’s all. Be patient.
Thanks for the tips on sleeping, I think that’s what I miss most passing out. Last two nights it’s been 2-3 hours max but at 15-30 at a time. If anything gets worse I’ll definitely talk to my doctor. Glad I have my therapist appointment this Friday.
Thanks for sharing. Just remember that none of your problems will be fixed by drinking. It will only delay them and possibly make it worse.
Write down or even just make a list in your head of all the reasons you wont drink. To be a better person, dad, husband, friend, son.
Your problems will probably not go away by being sober but you start to learn how to deal with them in a healthy manner as you get more time under your belt sober.
I know at first it can feel hopeless and almost like everything happening around you is forcing you to crave a drink. This is just your addicted brain trying to get you back to drinking.
Stay strong. Participating in these forums and seeking out therapy are 2 great ways to start .
Hey Clibus, congrats on getting to day 3! That’s HUGE! She’s right though, you’re fiance, you need suppport because not one of us can or has done it alone. Some choose AA, some this forum, figure out whatever suppprt you works for and dive in head first.
I enjoy this forum, it’s helped me stay sober for 7 months now. But this isn’t the only thing, like @Nullcorp mentioned, I listen to podcasts and attend AA when I need it.
I 100% get this. My wife drinks too and is my anger trigger, and sets me off to want to start drinking. I was sober in 2017 for Almost 6 months when I snapped and had to leave the house. I stayed at a hotel and drank like an idiot and kept going. 13 months later I stopped again. I’m at 87 days now. Just had another stupid fight a few days ago where I had to leave again. This time I chose a place without a bar. I’m still sober and realize getting fucked up doesn’t help me or my problems. Rember that. Also, your sleep will be great in a few more weeks. It’s worth it. Hang on and be strong. Good luck to you.
Congratulations on 3 days. I don’t think I could have done it if there was alcohol in the house. You are a stronger than you think.
Please ask your dr for help with cravings if you need to. I had to do things I never thought of.
Change where I shopped.
Stopped going out to eat.
Didn’t attend parties and if I did I had an exit plan and a sober support person with me.
Took meds to help with cravings.
Educated myself on alcoholism. A LOT
Told my family I was quiting
Went to AA
Found this app.
Stayed busy.
Started meditating and yoga.
Ate junk food
Rested when I needed it
Explained to my husband and kids that I was frustrated and anxious not at them just how I felt because of withdrawals
Your fiancé may be scared. She has only known you as a drinker. Your decision to quit may be challenging her reasons for drinking. Or she may be concerned about what will happen now that your sober and what her role will be. Change is scary for everyone.
Make sure to take care of yourself.
Glad your here
Thanks everyone for the responses, day three is over working on day 4. I know I’ll need support and I have looked into my local aa meetings for when it gets hard. I haven’t been to any social events or gone out yet so I’m waiting to see. I did watch the show love on Netflix and it’s about a girl struggling, worth a watch if anyone’s ever bored and likes love stories.
