Have one of those days where you worry that without a drink I’ll be boring, undynamic, not funny and people will lose interest in me.
I thought that if I got sober, my life would just be an endless procession of gray boring days on a loop.
Since getting sober, I’m so much more relaxed, laughter comes easily.
I felt that! And for a while I did feel quite serious. It doesn’t mean you will of course. How long it takes is individual but we all find our sober groove.
Now I don’t worry about people finding me boring. I am more concerned with who I find interesting and fun to be around. Being sober made me realise that without alcohol, some of the people I was hanging out with… Well I naturally drifted from them
When you begin seeing - and I mean really seeing - other drinkers’ through sober eyes you may find yourself re-evaluating your assessment of how exciting, dynamic and funny you actually were.
Okay that sounds depressing
But it’s true, Becky. At age 47, I drank and partied with a lot of people. I was lucky enough to get out at 45. My drinking progressed quickly as well as my alcoholism the last 10 years of my drinking days. Some never get out, struggling with ever increasing health problems, weight gain that won’t come off, half-lived lives because their lives revolve around when they can drink.
On the bright side, the sober curious movement has opened the eyes of many to a better way of living. There is less stigma now. You have so many resources available to find others on a sober path. Glad you are here.
Haha yesss I mean even a good story loses its shine when you hear it for the third time in an hour…
@Beckyboo the point is alcohol makes boring situations seem interesting. So without it you get to prioritise situations that are actually interesting!
I don’t even like going out anymore - I just host game nights and make tables full of nachos. Much more wholesome and I really get to know my friends so well. I look forward to that even more than I ever did getting invited out.
Also a big introvert so maybe I’m the wrong person to share here I never really liked going out
Luckily I never thought myself as being funny when I was drunk. I think I let go of boundaries more easily which I regretted very very often the next morning.
I experienced this feeling of FOMO if this word is still used and I rarely have this anymore. I can have joyful moments with friends or colleagues which are really heartfelt and not tied to the ‘ahhh, are you already done? No, have another one with us’
Good morning Beckyboo
I was just coming on this morning to go to my home thread of gratitude. I saw your topic at the top and I just burst out with big smiles and laughed out loud. Not at you of course. But definitely at the common thought of your topic and how I thought like that early on in my recovery. I’ve been sober 3 years now thanks mostly to this app and the people here and my gratitude practice. Anyway……
Boring……not fun……. I think not. I was just being myself Monday and Tuesday night at my Al-Anon meetings. And a couple of times I had the room loling in stitches even And I wasn’t even trying. I was just being myself. The self I never knew. The self I was afraid to know. The self I’m “loving” to get to know.
Anyway…… thanks for the detour…… and thank you for putting a smile on my face this morning making me realize how far I’ve come. I’m definitely being more fun not planning my life around my next drink and finally not worrying about what others think of me.
I’m staying on the best journey of my life.
Totally understand! I was the life of the party. I had people hanging on every…
…word. I would have people laugh until they peed their pants… or so I thought. In reality, I was loud, obnoxious, annoying, and just a plain jackass - according to my wife (whom doesn’t drink).
Alcohol cracked my shell and allowed me to be more expressive, emotive and vulnerable without regard. That’s all great and all, but as an alcoholic, I over indulged and all that was turned to 11 and became drunken asshole (honestly, not a whole lot of people likes THAT guy).
Since getting sober, that shell remained. The shell that keeps me quiet, keeps me to myself, protects me from criticism and judgment. Since then, I’ve learned to remove that shell when I want to. I’ve learned to be able to all those things I thought I was when I was drinking, only now it’s genuine. Instead of drunken asshole, I’ve learned to be sober silly goose.
Give it time, you’ll find your silly goose.
It is a big adjustment, but more so because when you don’t drink you don’t really fit in with the drinking crew. After a few years it does improve a bit as people forget that you ever drank and enjoy having a sober driver
I had a fear of this also when I chose sobriety. However, I filled my days with other things and before I knew it, I realized people loved me for me not for who I was when I drank. I also learned that life is better when you can remember the things that happen! I have so many memories of moments I ruined because I was drunk and couldn’t even remember what happened. Now I wake up and I look forward to the good memories I have ahead of me in sobriety. My family looks at me happier with who I am, the people associated with my baseball team I coach thankfully never knew me when I drank so I have a positive outlet where people only know me as Coach who is always there and always happy to be there. To me the key is filling the void of drinking with other more positive things that you are passionate about. It takes time but once you have that you’ll find yourself thankful you chose sobriety because without it you wouldn’t have good things in your life
I didnt read through all the comments. I can say for me once I found fun in things that brought peace to my mind. Found myself. The drinking wasnt even what I made it to be. The crowds, the chaos, the foggy memories, the stupid actions, the unexplained missing personal items, it all wasnt exciting. Maybe go out of ur comfort zone a bit and do soemthing different. Even if its just walking a diffent road or randomly sky diving. Just if u feel ur bored mentally. Then I can definitely recommend getting that adrenaline rush in. A natural healthy one. I would also recommend sky diving. Best thing I did next to staying sober. just give it a try. You might just find what triggers ur exciting fun space and enjoy it. Good luck
I get that. But when you get funny, no one’s going to forget you. And no one will notice your NOT drinking. Truthfully, your most fun self is just edging to get out of alcohol jail
What is it that you want for yourself? Any decision we make has consequences, even sobriety…
Why drink to please other people’s opinion on you, if those people loose interest in you who are also drinkers then maybe it’s a good thing as you can be sober and also have fun, sober people will find you the same funny person you are genuinely and you will also be happier with yourself as you’re sober whereas just now you’re using the drink to mask your true self. It takes time but keep at it, nothing changes overnight
This is a common concern, but usually completely invalid. It certainly was a concern of mine but when I really thought about it, I go to work everyday and was always sober and most of my colleagues think of me as a pretty funny and interesting guy and pretty talkative and socially outgoing. I was that guy whether I drank or not…so why wouldn’t I be that same guy in a social setting outside of work?
My boys just recently wrapped up their soccer season and the team mom and her husband hosted an end of season get together this past Saturday. I’m 30 days AF as of yesterday (day 31 today) and this would be my first social engagement AF. It was 100% fine and a good time and I was the chatty, socially dynamic and funny guy that I always am, even without alcohol. At one point I had to make sure I was drinking from the NA mocktail mix the host had made for the kids because I actually felt a little buzz…it wasn’t alcohol, I was buzzed on conversation and just enjoying the company of my friends.
The only down part had nothing to do with me really…I told my wife I was ready to leave after about 4 hours. Several other families had left, and the one’s remaining were the heavier drinkers who had started doing shots and chasing them with their cocktails. There were no more true conversations, just drunken and boisterous…I don’t know what to call them, but I realized how really annoying overly intoxicated people can be. I’m more than sure that used to be me thinking I was funny and just all that an more when in reality, I’d get wasted like that and just be another sloppy drunk making an ass out of myself.
I have these thoughts every once in a while and I think it is part of the lifetime discovery of who you are. Sober me is 1000x better than drunk me. Am I boring? Maybe. But am I physically healthier, more honest, kinder, more mentally balanced, financially stable, and becoming the person I want to be? Yup!
I don’t go out as often as I used to but my interactions are deeper and more meaningful when I do.