More to the story later. Trying to wrap my head around what happened and why it happened. I think I have a few ideas. I will be back, this ain’t over. 
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It don’t take much to go back out, normally it doesn’t even make sense. I mean it’s like, imagine that, an alcoholic went out and got drunk ya know, it’s not far fetched.
You’ve been pretty absent as of late, isolation from people who know and understand is typically the first sign.
What are you gonna do this next time to increase your chance of success?
I’m not berating or judging, just speaking plainly on a thing I have lots of experience with.
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Ya, I’ve been absent cuz I’ve been working 12 -14 hour days last 6 days. And some lame shit happened throughout the week. I just felt so angry and resentful and bitter about everything today… I let it get to me. I know I’ve done well in the past two months of getting through dangerous days. I did check in a couple times today, but my bitter mind just got more resentful that no one was coming to my rescue. I’ll admit that- I was pity-partying all day. I had negative interactions with people the last couple days, was feeling frustrated at people at work. Started “woe is me”-ing. Lame.
I think its been coming down the pike for a while. I read somewhere that relapses happen cuz you plan them. I think that’s true in some cases… like today where I was building a case for myself to justify drinking. I didn’t really get drunk… had a couple shots, so, tipsy. Not to excuse the behaviour tho. What bothers me most is the relief I felt. All my anger and irritability dissolved. Now I’m left with an empty slate. Restart the damn game, lol. I don’t want this to happen again, so I definitely need to recognize this buildup before it comes to a head.
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Yep, relapsed more times than i could count. Important part is that you keep fighting, learning and trying new approaches to how you can succeed at this. Keep on keeping on Brother.
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I screwed up this weekend . Starting over. I feel ashamed and I am angry at myself…
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Resentments are a key offender. Glad you have pinpointed where the wheels came off.
Keep trudging, onward and upward.
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Have you ever heard about HALT!? It means you when you’re Hungry Angry Lonly or Tired you are in danger to slip. You should be aware of it and not let one of those things take over. Find strategies to avoid it or fight it. Meditation does a lot f o r me. It helps me so much to stay focused on my personal needs when times get tough.
Don’t beat yourself up too hard. It’s amazing that you’re right back on the wagon and don’t give up the good fight!!!
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I still think you’re the coolest, rockin’ rollest single mom biologist around. Glad you’re back so soon, so many people just give up. Sober you is awesome 
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Hey girl, sorry to see the way things caught up to you. But your insight into what and why will be invaluable moving forward. Keep coming back here, no matter how busy or crazy you are. Accountability is almost number one for my sobriety.
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Thanks all. It’s a hard battle that’s for sure. I appreciate the support…
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