You Might Be An Addict If


#1

You might be an addict if, mosquitos get a buzz after attacking you

The lab technician testing your urine sample gets high off the fumes


Constructing acceptable impressions and lying to yourself
#2

You might be an addict if the dentist gets drunk off your breath


#3

You might be an addict if you memorise the relative time it takes someone to perform a certain task, know how long that someone will be out of sight, and if you can sneak a drink in


#4

Lol! Speaking from experience there? :rofl:


#5

…If you buy your eye drops in bulk at wholesale price


#6

Science dude.


#7

…if you stumble into the bottle-o right before closing time and pay for your wine with $10 worth of loose change then proceed to ‘justify’ it by telling the staff you’re just trying to lighten your wallet when in fact its the last of your money until payday :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:


#8

Ouch! That does sound like an addiction to me!


#9

Damn this was a joke, but as a new sober person I never correlated the fact that I use visine religiously with addiction. It’s really obvious in retrospect lol


#10

4 in the morning, in the all night garage. 2 bottles of wine and a pack of beer in the basket.

I add a packet of M&Ms.

Because I don’t want the checkout girl to think I’m an alcoholic.


#11

If you put hairspray in your seltzer water… :flushed:


#12

If you forgot your ID at home on a beer run so you buy mouthwash instead.


#13

If you measure the size of your booze stash in hours.


#14

You feign interest in the wine experts description of varietals and regions when all you really want to say is “just give me the cheapest possible bottle that doesn’t taste like shit! - well actually, bottle 2 can taste like shit because by then I won’t care”


#15

Ha! In my case, I quite literally pulled out my phone in the liquor store a few times, used the calculator, and based my decision 100% on maximum efficiency:

(BAC * volume) / (price + taxes + deposit)

Of course, I only did the calculation a few times, because addiction made it really easy to commit it to memory.


#16

You say " it’s not mine!" when your client finds an empty can of 5% Stella hidden behind a washing machine, which then lays the blame on the lodger. But she knows he only drinks 4% Carling!

You have a can of beer on the go in the utility room when your drinking wine in the living with the wife!


#17

When you go back to the same garage when the same shift of staff is on and you justify it by saying your sister in law has just turned up!


#18

-Do you prefer red or white?
-I prefer under $15 a bottle, with the highest alcohol content available.


#19

Lol. Maybe try *preferred!


#20

You stash all the wine bottles at the bottom of the recycle bin but the guy that rummages through them still knows which one is ‘the big score.’