This so true
Iām actually in therapy for this. Well, one of the reasons for it anyway. Got this on my wall in my bedroom, itās by a friend of mine, Dutch based English artist Tim Ayres. I like.
I have now!
It is helping me to turn it around and realize that me neither like every one. My pattern is that I want to be liked by people I donāt even like. I can work on this since being sober and able to learn.
I have certainly found being an active member and moderator on this forum (and others) has helped in being a people pleaser and wanting to be liked. I still have a ways to go, but interacting here has helped me gain perspective and understanding around this issue. Kind of goes hand in hand with being okay with everything not always being okay.
When I was much younger, I suffered terribly when I felt that people didnāt like me. After many difficult, painful years of working on myself in various ways, I had a very profound realization that changed my life.
I realized that one of the heavy burdens Iād taken on as a child by being āresponsibleā for my mother, was a deep instinctual belief that I had to make my mother happy or I would ādieā. I believe that children subconsciously figure out what they need to do to please their parents because their survival literally depends on it. I grew up in an abusive and neglective situation with a mother who was emotionally immature and wanted a child to ālove her unconditionallyā. Thereās a long story there, but that is enough information for my purposes here.
The thing is that my internal drive to please her was projected on to friends, teachers, lovers, bosses, any authority figure, etc., so no matter how logically I understood that I didnāt need people to approve of me, emotionally it didnāt stick.
This was very painful as well because I am, and always have been, very eccentric. I was mostly kept out of āsocietyā until I was pushed into it at 16. I had vague ideas of how to work within society, or interacting with my peers. At first, I was very oblivious to how āweirdā I seemed to others, but as I slowly began to realize I would subconsciously and consciously try to fit in.
With the understanding I gained about why I was so desperate to fit in, to be accepted, to be understood, and to be liked, I was able to let those feelings go and also accept that for good or bad, I am unique (just like everyone else ), and that when I care so much what others think of me, I lose parts of myself. In turn, that causes me deep unhappiness that can only be relieved by simply being myself.
So now when those old fears strike me, as the do from time to time, I just smile and accept that there are things about me that are āweirdā, that rub people wrong, or simply come out wrong, and thatās okay because, as you say, no one is everyoneās cup of teaābut the important thing is that I like myself.
As us often the case, your words @Chiron speak volumes and resonate.
I think this is exactly where my healing has come from.
For so much of my life, certainly throughout the bleakest decades of drinking and drugs, I had zero self esteem or confidence. Finding my self in sobriety and learning my value and worth and gaining self esteemā¦all so very healing. I really do like my self nowā¦in fact, I love my self.
That was awesome!! Thank you for sharing!!
Such a good TED talk! That guy really inspired me to work on getting over some of my fears.
This is so awesome to read. Seriously it is. Youāve been through an amazing journey and found the gold at the end of the rainbow.
Oh my god, this was amazing! Thanks for sharing it! I totally want to try that 100 days thing now!
I love this thank you so much
Thanks for sharing and all the comments on it! I bookmarked it for later