I am a 38 year old wife, mother, and professional. I have two children aged 9 and 7 and I am an alcoholic (recovering hopefully!) I have been using mood altering substances since I was 14 years old, and I am the daughter of an alcoholic father and enabling mother. I have been binge drinking basically since I was 18 years old, and never stopped. 20 years of killing myself. In my twenties, I would drink to the point of oblivion, blackout, and pass out almost every night after work. Everyone else was at the bar! (None of them getting as trashed as me, but how was I to know? I was hammered).

I met my husband when I was 20 also. He is also an alcoholic, though he’s yet to fully admit it and come to the same conclusions I have. We were married in 2006, after many years of drinking, partying with coke and ecstasy, always weed for me. We had our first child in 2008 and the partying slowed down a little, but the drinking didn’t. For the past 5-6 years I’ve had at least a bottle of wine to drink every weeknight, and pretty heavy binges on the weekends. I travel monthly for work, and I would end up getting wasted with my work friends and blacking out, doing things that I would NEVER do sober.

I’ve decided it’s time. I can’t live this way anymore. It’s self-abuse and sabotage and it’s a wasted life. Half assed work, half assed parenting, half assed living. Ridiculous. I had a 6 month white knuckle bout of sobriety, and it wasn’t all bad, but that was over 3 years ago. Time to get back on the horse.

I know there is no quick fix, and this is a lifetime of commitment, but just one day at a time. I am happy for remembering the night before, waking up with energy, having a clean house, clean office, and clear head in my work. I am happy to be truly present for my children, and to eliminate the shame, guilt, and anxiety that comes with this poison and the behavior I exhibited under the influence.

I’m ready. Let’s do this!