I have been a closet alcoholic for 5 years. I used to take pride of the fact that i could get black out drunk and noone ever knew. I thought. I would recollect the prior night by creatively asking my family questions. Ive started to notice the way they treat me because they know when i was drunk. My children wouldn’t ask me for anything, they would try to keep me inside. My husband would insist i relax in bed. In the mornings, they wouldnt wait for me to try and ‘slyly’ piece together the night before. They would just remind me of what they needed me to know. Going from the mother/wife everyone depended on and trusted to being babysat, well, i have a lot of emotions about that. So many, that i continue to drown them with alcohol.

Sunday March 19, 2023, i woke up with a terrible hangover. Laying in bed, going through the fuzzy flashbacks of the night before, i remember i rode my husbands side by side and hit a tree knocking off his side mirror. This isnt the first time ive damaged something he worked hard to get. I cringe at that. Then floods in more memories of the times ive let my family down because of my drinking. The missed dr appointments because i couldn’t take 5 minutes out of my day and focus. The missed opportunities for my son, because i didnt want to leave home and not have alcohol. Last came all the memories of when i had it together. All the laughter, all my accomplishments. I knew it was time to get back to that.

I am 30 years old. Married to a great man. One son, one bonus daughter, one bonus son and one awesome rottie. Ive had my downs, just as anyone else. But, overall, ive always had a good life. I am single-handedly ruining my life. Im ready to turn this lifestyle around.