my sobriety date is 10/18/2020

my doc is pot and alcohol
my family knows how hard i try and support me when i am sober

i picked up smoking pot 1st and alcohol and ciggs came quicky after. the 1st time i smoked weed i didnt feel a thing and peer pressure was involved. i knew sometimes you dont feel anything the 1st time but i saw how my buddies acted and it got me courious to try more. then one day after a fair i managed to get my own. my best friend at the time and me went in the woods at around 11pm. the dangour seemed inviting. we smoked and life for me was altered big time. i lost all control. the quiet matt everyone knew was out of control. even my best friend was speechless. we were 13 years old.

ofcoures alcohol followed quick a season lates. it was wintertime and us dumbass kids thought go big or go home. my 1st drink was here. crown royal. my weak as* tolerence obviously couldnt handle the taste and i didnt know even what a chaser was. so we made snowballs and tried that. coincidntaly crown royal gave me alcohol poisening when i was older at age 16 while i was on probation for . . . wait for it. . . getting cought by the cops for pot a few weeks eairlier because me and my buddies went to a pizza shop drunk and stoned.
strike one on probation but my addict tricks never had me fail a drug test.

during probation my friends told me how to pass a drug test so i smoked and passed my tests. lets just say my piss was superhuman.
i got lucky

. . . rewinde

i dropped out of school at age 16 and stayed home while my family participated at life. when you are home alone all day and sometimes even day and night smoking weed your thoughts get loud. your actions get lost in confusion. i talked to myself in the mairror, i talked to people in my head, i had conversations with pets. the weird part. . . no1 and nothing was acctualy listening. it got very very disturbing. im not getting in to too much of that right now. i put my parents through lots of fear. the livingroom became my new bedroom for safety. i went to 15 phyc wards in 3 years and was diagnosed paranoia schzophrainia

at age 20 i started aa and continue to go to meetings.they say keep comming so i do. i never worked the steps with a sponser but i know what i got to do to do so

For my 21st birthday i got a bottle of cherry whisky. I drank till i blacked out, ate my birthday cake with my hands (thats a lot of sugar) and almost threw up on my sister in law the second she said happy birthday. I hate anything cherry flavored now. I feel like i still smell that whskey

thank you for reading
keep comming