My name is Robert. I was born in Ireland in 1980. I moved to Los Angeles in 89. Everything was great until last year of high school! I felt I should have been a professional soccer player but ended up let my stubborn Irish self get the better of me and quit due to a fight with a coach. I grew up in a neighborhood that had a lot of gang members at the time. The school I went to produced the most. So once I quit I turned to the streets not knowing then but looking for a new identity. I went from being the soccer star to a gang member. From there life went downwards long story short got shot 8 times. 5 times one time and 3 times another. Right after that got stabbed. 14 surgeries and suffer in pain on a daily which triggers flashbacks and things like that. So from high school to now it has been a cycle. Alcohol/some meth/ lots of pills/ cocaine/ a lot of pcp/ marijuana and haven’t been able to stop. This is the first time in my life that I have even talked about this with anybody. I have been a functioning drug addict and alcoholic for a long time and felt 2 weeks ago it was over. My head was getting the better of me. I’ve always loved life but this past few years have taken it toll. I fight depression/ ptsd on a daily basis. I haven’t taken pills for 5 days I haven’t smoked for 2. I run my construction business with 10 employees but feel if I don’t change my way soon I will lose it. The fucked up thing is the people that know me would probably never assume anything is wrong. Only a few. I’ve kept it inside for so long. Even just writing this u just want to cry​:cry:. My 20 year old son smokes weed which I tried to prevent but didn’t try hard enough, but last week something happened that I’m praying helps change my life back to the way I was. My son came to me and was like look dad I haven’t smoked in 2 days and I started working out. He showed me this app and I thought it was cool. I thought to myself if I can keep looking at the timer and actually see how much time I haven’t done anything for it might work because I hate to waste time even tho I have wasted time for 20 years but didn’t realize. I kept on thinking I would eventually break through because I have so much to offer this world. I got shot the first time on Easter Sunday. The following year on Easter Sunday. And the following year on Easter Sunday I got jumped from behind with metal bars and bottles. So I’ve always felt god has left me here for a reason. I know what it is but substances have kept me from doing it to the best of my ability. They have kept me from being the best me​:cry: