I am 58 yrs old female, with the disease of addictions for 48yrs. I have been clean for the past 5 years. Doing this while learning mindfulness, spirituality, love, honest, understand, higher power, changing people, places and things, understanding, learning to listen, patience for myself and with mental health counseling. All things I had to learn for the first time in life. Realizing no one expect me to be perfect anymore!
With drugs and alcohol was I was killing myself, physically, mentally, and medically. I became very sick 15 yrs ago. taking 7 years to figure out the cause with a very rear condition that causes may heart to stop very time I swallowed, caused by the 10th cranial nerve in the brain, the vagel nerve. But still I drank for years.

My childhood, I was 1 little girl with 14 brothers, at home and 2 older sisters we never knew I had until I was 17 yrs. We had a single mother who’s addiction was pills, bozz, and sex. At 6yrs. old on Halloween while trick-or-treating, with my brothers, I was purposely shoved in front of a car at a red caution light one block from our home. The left side of my face was so damaged they didn’t think I would ever see out of my left eye again basically all the skin was gone, and bones had been broken they feared it would never heal properly. I spent 14 days and ICU. Remember coming home from the hospital about Christmas time waiting on Santa Clause. It would be many years Only after my cousin came to my husband while getting clean in the program, telling my husband but not me If I only knew what him and my brother had done to me I would not be mentally right and explaining in detail of the things from the age of three to nine and that was in 1989, before I discovered. My brother he denied this until 2018 after me badgering him for years he sat at my kitchen table and laugh about it and say all kids did that I don’t know what the big deal is get over it, we all did it don’t Just be mad at me You have to be mad at all of us why do you think they all gave us baths with you

At16 I went to get my driver permit/ license, needing my birth certificate, First off I was told I didn’t have one and could not get one by my mother. She would never tell me where I was born, finding out I was not who I was! My name, my birthday, where I was born, my father, none of these were true losing my whole identity! Turned my whole world upside down! Which turned me to a world of self-destruction and hatred for men, For most of my mid-adult years. It took me many years perhaps 35 to forgive my mother and realize she wàs as sick as the people who raised her, see we are all victims of the last generation, and the generation In the last 5 years I’ve buried my mom in 11 day of stage 4 lung cancer, my dad, and my 12 year old grandson of brain cancer.