I learned in AA that a power greater than myself can relieve me of the obsession for alcohol. So far this has proven to be true however I still have some struggles. To start with the positive, at times I feel the “need” to drink because I’m stressed or having a hard day but my immediate mental response is that I don’t want it and that feels amazing to have that be automatic and it takes no effort. It definitely feels like a power greater than myself because I’m not the one taking my time talking through it or reasoning with it. What I find myself struggling with is when I have a low self-esteem and I just want to disappear and I know I can’t use alcohol anymore it’s really hard to sit with. I know in the long run this is awesome because I get to grow but in the meantime I’m not certain how to handle those emotions. I am also equally aware that alcohol doesn’t work for this problem so I just feel a little stuck. Also my drinking dreams have become less frequent but last night I had another and it scared me.
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I had a drinking dream last night, as well. I recall, telling myself in the dream, " When did i drink and why?". I woke up and for a split second I thought I blacked out and I’m waking up. Then I slowly realized, I had no guilt, shame or hangover.
I clearly believe it was my subconscious playing tricks on me. Consciously I have made the decision not to drink. With my subconscious in control of the dream world, it got what it wanted while I was catching some greatly needed ZZZ’s. Nice try subconscious…
Its very interesting how real drinking dreams are. Part of me knows its fake when its happening because I know I’m stronger than giving in during waking life but still somehow when I wake up I’m very relieved l
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