Good afternoon! Public school, IB program manager trying desperately to stay sober whilst also dealing with the insanity of US public schools AND IB exam season.
I kept pingponging back and forth, finally threw up my hands and tried three different AA meetings, all of which, even in the big, liberal city where I live, were so freaking god and god and more god however you see him (a him, of course) and no matter whether or not you believe although you can’t actually get sober without god because you’re a big old honking loser-focused that I couldn’t make it through any of them. I’ve found two SMART groups, one SOS and one Refuge (overlapping, of course, but I’ll take what I can get) but can only attend Tues., Wed. and Thursday evenings, so I’ll really need to have my online support through the really difficult weekends!
I’m single, I’m childless, and what used to be a glass of wine or a couple of beers on a Friday turned to every Friday, then several glasses of wine then to almost every other night and that’s when I freaked out. And I’ll be honest-I’ve never had a weight problem but what I could at first deny as simply menopausal slow metabolism was clearly not that-or at least not entirely that- but my 4x a week wine habit.
I’ve only gone a couple of days this go around, but that’s something else I dislike about AA–this attitude that if, in spite of your best intentions, you slip? Well, then you’re just a big loser. What’s that about? I’ve been sober for very long stretches in my life and at my age, I’m continually looking at this as permanent sobriety, even if it takes several tries before that’s actualized. After all, how will one know that one’s achieved it? When we die? Well, okay–but since I’m an atheist, I don’t think I’ll “know” it then, either.
Excuse the ramble. 
I too have trouble with the God aspect of AA and the pronoun “Him.” It drove me nuts for a long time until…I decided it wouldn’t. I just said, it’s okay to be irked about verbiage. It’s okay to think something is patriarchal and backwards and lame. What I care about is being sober, and if it takes accepting the verbiage as not personal for ME, I’ll take it. I am still working on defining my HP but right now my “higher powers” are my core values: my work, my family, loving kindness, compassion, courage. I will likely never feel comfortable encompassing all of that into one word, God, but in my heart I know what is meaningful to me. Take what works, leave behind what doesn’t. The important thing is finding what will work. If I hear one single sentence in an AA meeting that resonates with me, that is enough. I’ve been to 22 meetings in my 22 sober days. Something is working - today!
I hope you find a peaceful way that keeps you going!
“The heart will break again and again until it stays open.”
Not sure where you live but I have the same “God” issues and found an Agnostic AA meeting near me in Greater Boston - I’m going to try it out tomorrow
Hi @Anneski and welcome to the forum. 
Thanks for sharing your story. I live in a not-so-liberal suburb of a liberal city, but managed to find a few great AA meetings with great people without too much god talk. [atheist also]
Here is a useful thread on getting through early recovery:
(Surviving Alcohol Withdrawal/Early Sobriety Techniques)
And recovery-related links that members have posted:
I understand, but I have a lot of problems with AA, frankly. I don’t like the punishment and self-abasement aspects, the idea that I’m powerless, that I’m bound to fail without them (although apparently, the vast majority of people who recover from drug or achohol abuse do so with only themselves and maybe friends/ family) AND-a close friend, 3 years sober, still goes to 4-5 meetings a week and is ALWAYS miserable.
I use this forum, trying both a Refuge group and SOS group this weekend, so far this week just being so incredibly busy at work had kept me occupied in a good way. I’m getting so much done for a change!