Hi. I just discovered this site today. On February 27 i woke up late for work and hungover again and realized that I could no longer avoid what I already knew was a problem. I was at risk of losing my job. Eight years with the company I had been late to work twice yet in the last six months I had managed to get a final write up due to tardies and absences. As I ran out the door to get to work, dizzy and hurting from the previous nights wine, I called my boyfriend and said very simply “we need to talk about how much I have been drinking.” I then went to work where I opened up to my boss about what was going on and systematically told everyone in my social circle. I figures if I opened the doors on this secret I had been keeping then I would be less likely to try and hide it. I was making myself accountable to everyone I knew, but it was hard. That day was full of tears and humiliation. I did it and resolved to stop drinking. It went pretty well, almost seemed too easy. I had times where my thought process was solely my mind seeming to convince me I could drink, but I was able to not give in. At first I would make sure my 15 yr old son went to the store with me. I had told him what was going on. No one in my life knew how much I was drinking, not even him. I knew having him with me at the store would stop me from buying anything. My boyfriend was super supportive, everyone was in my life. I had numbers to call if it got hard. I felt strong and as the weeks passed I felt like I had conquered it. Then the thoughts changed. I started thinking if it was this easy to walk away from it that must mean I didn’t really have a problem then, right? Even when I was thinking it I knew the thoughts themselves proved I did have a problem. I can’t imagine people without one argue with themselves as much as I do about alcohol. I stayed vigilant and moved on, until last night. I can’t say for sure why I bought the wine. My older kids were at their friends houses for the night, my boyfriend left on Wednesday for a job in west virginia and my youngest was going to be in bed. I’d like to say I was having a horrible day, or I had something happen but really I just wanted to relax and watch a movie and drink some wine. So i did, and I hated it. The first glass made me nauseous, but i kept at it, looking for that buzz i used to get, that feel good numbing. I eventually got drunk but it wasn’t the same. The enjoyment was buried under the guilt. Before I finally went to sleep at 5 am I texted my boyfriend, started to tell him I was awake because of pain ( had a root canal last week) but eventually admitted i had been drinking. He was pretty disappointed in me. Haven’t talked to him all day. I woke up hungover and feeling like a failure. I had thought I had this problem beat but after a day of introspection I realized I needed help. I don’t have this beat and doing it the way I was didn’t work. That’s how i found this site. I don’t hate myself but I am concerned. This is stronger than I had thought so I start over with one day sober. I’m not sure what happens next but I know I need more help. I hope my boyfriend understands but in the end I know he needs to understand I did not do this to him, I did it to me. I hurt myself and I need to deal with why. So yeah, that’s my short version of why I am here. I hope by putting myself out there in a place like this I will be able to put last night behind me and move forward renewed in my fight with better respect for what I am fighting. It’s scary though
Welcome to the forum!! Thank you for sharing your story. Have you gone to any meetings? They are really helpful. Jumping in the back pocket of those women is the best thing you can do(only in my opinion). Don’t be too hard on yourself. I have done some pretty dumb stuff while drinking. I am not that person today and learning to forgive myself. You have taken a huge step in realizing you may have a problem. Keep up the honesty with those you trust and reach out to them in times of need. This is a tricky disease and is always lurking. But you are a miracle worth a clean and sober life! Keep up the great work! There’s a lot of great feedback and support on this forum!
Welcome. Kudos to you telling everyone like that. I definitely wouldn’t have done that, that takes courage! I encourage you to get hooked into meetings or other support groups. If we don’t do the work, relapse is just waiting around the corner.
You are an amazing soul. This is a wonderful and supportive community to be a part of. Welcome to the journey 
Thank you all
I appreciate it so much. I have been hesitant to go to meetings, mostly because while i have very strong personal faith i get uncomfortable and closed off when discussions turn to faith and god. I know AA isn’t necessarily a religious place but in my area the outpatient treatment i looked into was very god based. But i think that is just another excuse lol so my plan is to go to my first meeting on Wednesday. My kids go to a youth church meeting that night so it is the best night for me. I am pretty nervous but it can’t be worse than wakingup with regret 
Welcome to the Forum, your in the right place to get encouragement and support.
Hang in there and soround your self will good support and help.
Welcome
Welcome, and well done for signing up! Theres a wealth of support here abd it has been a MASSIVE help to me. I’ve done the same as you, stopped, thought I had it sorted, only to get sucked back in. (Many of us have ) This thing really needs a good support system, there’s lots available. I go to AA, I would certainly recommend you give it a try. (I’m not religious, and I don’t find the god bit daunting - they talk of god of your understanding )
Pleased to welcome you aboard 
Hi @Fresh_start and welcome to the forum. 
Congrats on taking the first big step.
Thanks for sharing your difficult story. Start with all the support you can get - this App/forum (talkingsober.com), AA (again) or other meetings, an outpatient/inpatient program, reading and videos. There is so much out there! But it has to come from within you - it will not be easy, but it’s worth it!
Here is a useful thread on getting through early recovery:
(Surviving Alcohol Withdrawal/Early Sobriety Techniques)
And recovery-related links that members have posted:
Thanks for sharing your story… courage and change, 2 simple words that are hard to swallow… I would say going to AA and just listening and crying will help you and it will want to make you come back to the meetings. It did for me! I am only 8 days into being sober, but I have been to 9 meetings. And I think it’s great that your boyfriend and kids are there for you for support. Also think about suggesting to them alanon meetings… it’s only a suggestion! But it will help them really understand what you are going through and what they are going through. No one is alone in this adventure to sanity. Keep up the good work!